[6027] in Central_America
New quotes for Sun Sep 24
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Central America)
Sun Sep 24 04:04:02 1995
Date: Sun, 24 Sep 1995 04:03:37 -0400
From: Central America <root@charon.MIT.EDU>
To: ca-mtg@charon.MIT.EDU
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dpsun (David P Sun):
{from system: This user's .plan file is not world-readable}
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ghudson (Greg Hudson):
I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for
-- from "The Longest Time" by Billy Joel
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rjbarbal (Richard J. P. Barbalace):
The file "\ ^E.^T\ ^E.^\ " mysteriously appeared in my homedir
sometime tonight, although it claims to have been around for a
long time:
% ls -l \ ^E.^T\ ^E.^\
-rw------- 1 rjbarbal 6604 Aug 28 04:00 ?.? ?.?
I think my homedir must not be getting enough attention from me,
since it feels it must download files about elephants and sex
when it's bored.
% cat \ ^E.^T\ ^E.^\
Content-type: text/plain
Bacchanalian Operatic Orgies
by Eric F. Lipton
I was violently attacked by some music the other day. I'm
still emotionally scarred. There I was, walking down a poorly lit,
Lexus-ly challenged neighborhood when from behind a shrub or
parked car some music just leapt up at me and stole the $84.99
from my wallet needed to buy it on CD.
So now I've got this CD, and let me tell you it's one mean
CD. I don't ever even play it. It just skulks around my house,
with a complexion problem, cursing all the time. It keeps trying
to talk me into doing bad things, and since I'm a young,
impressionable member of America's Troubled Youth, it's
probably getting through. This worries me, because it is
encouraging horrible stuff, like buying drugs, drunk driving,
going to see the movie "Kids" with children under 18, and
having pre-marital sex with members of genders which I
didn't even know existed. It also keeps encouraging me to leave
the church, which is interesting, seeing as I wasn't even dating
the church. We're just really good friends. Really.
So, needless to say, I'm as pleased as a multi-billion dollar
music industry that feeds hundreds of thousands of dollars to the
political campaigns of conservative presidential hopefuls to hear
that conservative presidential hopeful Bob Dole had taken it
upon himself to lead the charge against music that advocates sex
and violence. "I am going to find violent music," Senator Dole
said, "and I am going to kick its butt, I'm going to strangle the
air out of it, I'm going to knock its teeth out, I'm going to..."
And Dole isn't the only one. Other presidential hopefuls,
numbering in the thousands, seem to agree. "We are going give
violent music charley-horses, we are going to stick violent
music's head down the toilet, we are going to..."
"Yeah!" says President Clinton, standing outside, looking
into the window. "Can I play too?"
But, in the midst of this debate, I'd like speak on behalf of
those who like me, were forced to wear ties and scratchy
sweaters when driven into well lit, Lexus-ly abled neighborhoods
to The Opera.
Maybe you've had the good fortune to attend The Opera.
Maybe you've also had the good fortune to wake up without
kidneys. Some famous operas that may have been shoved down
your throat would be "Oh! Carmen!" by Bizet; "The Magic Flute
Learns the True Story of Christmas" by Wolfgang "Amadeus"
Mozart and the Mozettes; and of course "The Best Little
Whorehouse in Texas" by Wolfgang "Dolly" Parton.
These operas have long been stereotyped as having people-
of-weight singing very loudly in extinct tongues. This is unfair, as
modern opera enthusiasts repeatedly argue. Modern opera
occasionally has fat people singing in English. An example of
this is the following stirring scene from Wagner's "The Lord of the
Rings:"
Woman: AAAaaaAAAuuuAAAAhhhH!
[translation: Hey, want to have some sex?]
Man: AAAAaaaAAuahuAH!
[Certainly! Then let's have some violence!"]
Woman: (stabs self) AaaaaaahhhhAhhhh!
[Good idea. Hey, look at the kid in the sweater!]
Me: (in scratchy sweater) Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgghhhh!
[When we get home, I'm going to play loud sex laden
and violent music, I'm going to pierce vital organs,
I'm going to...]
Imagine my surprise to learn, years later, that within these
extinct tongues, were discussions of sex and violence? All the
while I just thought they were screaming. Ahh, the ignorance of youth.
Now, Senator Dole and others, I publicly ask why you are
condemning rock music and rap music for their violent and sex-
laden messages -- especially condemning that one song, with that
really great video where that girl is wearing that leather thing,
and they are in the back of that religious institution, and she just
got that tattoo in that place that before the video I thought only
farm animals had--when you are completely ignoring the violent
and sex laden messages in opera!
According to those in the know, the number one, billboard
topping, all time best selling multi-platinum opera of them all is
Mozart's "Don Giovanni," a classic story of a guy who went
around "seducing" women. Seducing, we soon learn is in the aria
of the beholder, as several men and women in the opera
become rather upset at Giovanni's "seductions" and want him
dead. [An aria, by the way, is oprish for "song," the duration of
which can be determined by multiplying the length by the width
of the waist of an opera singer.] In one aria, Don
Giovanni explains how he has seduced over 1,000 women,
cataloguing all of them in graphic detail, which explains why the
opera is over 18 hours long. Then he's killed by a statue, which
obviously means drugs were involved.
Rigoletto by Iggy Verdi is another case of sex and violence
run rampant. Rigoletto is the name of a court jester or football
player named Rigoletto who tries to hide his daughter from a
Count who would "seduce" her, and does anyway. Then,
Rigelleto accidentally stabs her a lot by accident and gets
dragged into a long, televised murder trial.
The final depraved opera of note is AIDA Inc. (short for
American Institute of Dole Admirers, Incorporated), and is also
by Verdi, who was known as the 2 Live Crew of the 18th
century. Aida is all about wars and seductions and features
upwards of one billion extras and the only reason anyone
watches it is because productions of Aida occasionally feature
real live true Elephants on stage, who often make massive
droppings. Seeing a tenor once step on said droppings was
definitely the highlight of my childhood.
So anyway Senator Dole, I think all these operas should be
banned, what with all the sex and violence. Except for the
elephants. All remaining operas should be forced to feature
elephants, and opera houses should have big neon signs reading
"Elephants! Elephants! Elephants! XXX! Live! On Stage!"
The elephants shouldn't be allowed to sing.
Now some of you who've made it this far down the column
might argue that Senator Dole actually is trying to get rid of all
these operas with those dramatic cuts and changes the
Republicans are making to the National Endowment for the Arts,
Humanities and Boring Things. To them I say: oh. You're right.
Does this mean I have to write about something new?
I hope not. I don't have time. The CD in my basement is
looking angry again so I have to go out now and buy some drugs.
---
Let us know what you think! Email comments to newfeature@clari.net or
lettuce@clari.net. Thanks!
.
% rm \ ^E.^T\ ^E.^\
%
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Richard J. Barbalace
26 Fairmont Avenue APO, W20-475, x3-3788
Cambridge, MA 02139 SIPB, W20-557, x3-7788
(617) 497-2189
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
9 2.40 Lecture 2.671 Lab 2.40 Lecture 2.72 Lab 2.40 L
3-370 ||||| 3-370 ||||| 3-370
10 ||||| |||||
||||| |||||
11 ||||| 2.40 Rec. |||||
3-038 1-277 3-343
12 LUNCH! LUNCH! LUNCH! LUNCH!
21m655 21m655
1 ||||| 2.671 Lecture ||||| 2.671 Lecture
W16-RRB 3-270 W16-RRB 3-270
2 Archery! Archery!
||||| |||||
3 2.72 Lecture 2.72 Lecture
||||| |||||
4 3-370 3-370
5
People should encourage me to attend all my classes.
2.40 Thermodynamics J. Heywood, J. Brisson
2.671 Measurement and Instrumentation C.F. Dewey, S. Hochgreb
2.72 Elements of Mechanical Design C.R. Peterson, M. Jakiela
21m655 Script Analysis (Theatre) M. Ouellette
I am also performing in the MIT Concert Choir again this term; we
will be singing:
Haydn, "Lord Nelson Mass" (in Latin)
Ralph Vaughn Williams, "Dona Nobis Pacem" (mostly in English)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You have to learn to pace yourself
Pressure!
You're just like everybody else
Pressure!
You've only had to run so far
So good
But you will come to a place
Where the only thing you feel
Are loaded guns in your face
And you'll have to deal with
Pressure!
You used to call me paranoid
Pressure!
But even you can not avoid
Pressure!
Billy Joel, "Pressure"
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shabby (chris shabsin):
You know, Arthur, when evil is afoot, and you don't have any arms, you
gotta use your head. And when evil is ahead, and you're behind, you
gotta do the legwork. But, when you can't get a leg up, you gotta be
hip, you gotta keep your chin up, and kick some--
Tick, we get the idea.
Well, then, sidekick, gimme some of them arms.
-The Tick and Arthur
Chris Shabsin <br>
41 Belmont St. (Apt. 14) <br>
Somerville, MA 02143-2530 <br>
<br>
Phone: (617) 776-5134 <br>
I bought a car. My parents talked the dealer down by more than 25% of
the asking price. The engine in the van was running when the salesman
ran out the door after us. :) <p>
<hr>
<a href="http://www.mit.edu:8001/zlocate?shabby">Zlocate me</a><br>
<a href="http://www.mit.edu:8001/people/shabby/plan.html">My Plan</a>
(last updated 1/1/95)<br>
[1] Segmentation fault xnetprob
--- End of Central America ---
