[4741] in Central_America
New quotes for Tue Jan 12
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Tue Jan 12 15:50:05 1993
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 15:49:45 -0500
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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dougie (David R Williams):
'Love brought two things into the world: Venereal disease
and bad poetry.'
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In the same vein, check out R P Bentall "A proposal to classify
happiness as a psychiatric disorder" JOURNAL OF MEDICAL ETHICS
18, 94-98 (1992). The abstract:
It is proposed that happiness be classified as a psychiatric
disorder and be included in future editions of the major
diagnostic manuals under the new name: major affective
disorder, pleasant type. In a review of the relevant
literature it is shown that happiness is statistically
abnormal, consists of a discrete cluster of symptoms, is
associated with a range of cognitive abnormalities, and
probably reflects the abnormal functioning of the central
nervous system. One possible objection to this proposal
remains--that happiness is not negatively valued.
However, this objection is dismissed as scientifically
irrelevant.
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It takes a strong man to cry.
It takes an even stronger man to laugh at that man.
Uncle Fester
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nosaj (Jason M Sachs):
``That reminds me of a Zen koan I've heard,'' said Nineson.
* * * *
A long time ago, a wise Zen master was visited by a Chinese warlord,
who was worried because he had heard that a rival warlord, Chu McKenzie,
had enslaved---
* * * *
``Chu McKenzie?'' interrupted Pogue. ``What kind of a name is that?''
``Well, it was some complicated Chinese name that I can't remember,
so Chu McKenzie will have to do for now.''
``Oh, for crying out loud....''
* * * *
---he had heard Chu McKenzie had enslaved a dragon to use as a weapon
against his enemies. The Zen master lived in a hollow tree in the
southern reaches of the warlord's province, several days' time
from the warlord's castle by horseback.
`My opponent claims he controls a dragon,' said the warlord,
peeping into a hole in the tree. `Old man, does the dragon
exist?'
`Is the dragon in your province?' asked the Zen master, still
sitting with his eyes closed.
`No,' said the warlord.
`Then it is not your concern.' said the Zen master.
`But are there dragons out there?' asked the warlord.
`There might be. There are no dragons in this tree, therefore they
do not concern me, and I do not concern them. If there are no dragons
in your province, I suggest you do likewise.'
The warlord was annoyed. `But I am outside your tree, and I exist.'
The Zen master looked up. `Your head exists. If there is something
attached to it, it does not concern me.'
The warlord became angry. He noticed a bulldog sitting next to
the Zen master---
* * * *
``A {\em bulldog}?'' interrupted Pogue. ``There weren't bulldogs in China.''
``Well, maybe it was a shar-pei,'' said Nineson. ``I don't know. Just
pretend it's a bulldog.''
``Why can't it be a shar-pei?''
``It... it doesn't sound right. The story had a bulldog in it, I'm
sure. Just let me continue. Anyway---''
* * * *
He noticed a bulldog sitting next to the Zen master, and he picked it
up by the skin on the back of its neck, and pulled it up out of the tree.
`Old man, the bulldog exists. I have it in my hand outside your tree---'
`So you say. That is not my concern.'
`Look, old man, if you don't stop with the philosophy and tell me
whether the dragon exists and what I should do about it, I will break
the bulldog's neck and it shall be very much your concern.'
`If the dragon exists (and you seem to be of the opinion that it does),
then it still does not concern you until it is in your province.
As for the bulldog, you will have to take up the matter with him.'
`And when the dragon is in my province? What then? Shall I wait until
it burns down my villages and destroys my castle?'
* * * *
``This is a long Zen koan,'' said Pogue, ``if it is a Zen koan at all.
Zen koans are supposed to be short.''
``It will be shorter, if you stop interrupting.''
* * * *
`I have had a great deal of experience with dragons,' said the Zen
master, `but unfortunately, it is confined within this tree, and I fear
that what I would do would not be what you would want to hear. In any
case, what happens in this tree is not your concern.'
The warlord's face became red with rage at this remark. The Zen master
could hear a small yelp from outside. The warlord spat in the Zen master's
face.
`Very well, then my affairs are not of your concern either.' He threw
the dead bulldog's body into the hole of the tree, and walked away.
One of the warlord's ministers came up to him. `Perhaps we should
ask another wise man about Chu McKenzie.'
`Yes, find me one who does not practice Zen.'
`Excuse me,' said the Zen master from within the tree, `but did you
mention Chu McKenzie?'
The warlord turned around and stuck his face back into the hole
in the Zen master's tree. `And what do {\em you} know about Chu McKenzie?'
`Only that a man claiming to be Chu McKenzie visited me sometime in
the past. What he did before and after he came to me is not my concern,
and what he said when he was here is not yours.'
The warlord put his hands around the Zen master's throat, and lifted
him up by his neck. `You will tell me what Chu McKenzie said,
or you will die.'
`You have a bad way of seeing the situation,' said the Zen master
in a whisper. `This tree is my dwelling. You are not in control of
what happens to me here, nor should you care about it. In the
same way, I have no interest in you, unless you continue to
disturb my presence. My philosophy does not concern you, but
yours does, and if I were you, I would look at things from
another viewpoint, find out what concerns you the most, and do
something about it, and leave other things for the forces beyond
your control.'
`For an old man, you waste many breaths on frivolous matters. If you
do not let me know in the next thirty seconds what Chu McKenzie told you,
I shall have my warriors shoot you and your tree full of bullet holes.'
* * * *
``Bullets? Oh, come on, you're joking,'' said Pogue. ``This is ancient
China; where are they going to get guns and bullets from?''
``Look,'' said Nineson, ``can you just shut up and let me finish?''
``All right, all right, fine. Sheesh, bullet holes.''
* * * *
The Zen master began to whisper again. `My existence should not
concern you---'
The warlord tightened his grip, and the Zen master began choking.
`And if you try to throw any more of that Zen stuff at me, I
will tell my warriors to fire at once.' He let go, and the
Zen master dropped to the floor of the tree. The warlord walked
away.
Thirty seconds of silence passed, and the warlord gave the command
to shoot at the Zen master's tree.
When the clouds of smoke cleared, the warlord walked back towards
the tree, planning to take the old man's body and parade it around
the province to show people what happens when Zen masters try
to play games with Chinese warlords.
But when he looked through the hole into the tree, he saw
the Zen master staring back up at him disapprovingly. The
Zen master's bulldog was running around the inside of the
tree, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.
Before the warlord could say anything, the Zen master held
up a handful of bullets. `I believe these are yours.' The
warlord was speechless.
`They are not my concern any more,' said the Zen master,
and the warlord was enlightened.
* * * *
``Well, {\em that} was a stupid story,'' said Pogue.
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
A Dog's Life
An airborne corps spokesman at Forg Bragg, North Carolina, explaining
why the Army contemplates only limited use of parachuting dogs: "We have
soldiers here in training jumping every day, but we wouldn't consider
jumping the dogs that often. It's an expensive proposition to train the
dogs, and we don't want to take unnecessary risks with them."
from No Comment
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therese (Therese):
Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I want to be,
Eating breakfast or dinner,
or snack lunch in the hall,
Finland, Finland, Finland,
Finland has it all.
You're so sadly neglected,
And so often ignored,
A poor second to Belgium,
When going abroad.
Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I want to be,
Your mountains so lofty
Your treetops so tall
Finland, Finland, Finland
Finland has it all...
- Monty Python
--- End of Central America ---
