[4373] in Central_America
New quotes for Sat Jun 20
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Sat Jun 20 01:45:28 1992
Date: Sat, 20 Jun 92 01:44:54 -0400
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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bamf (David Y Oh):
To the Loneliest One...
There is in certain living souls
A quality of loneliness unspeakable,
So great it must be shared
As company is shared by lesser beings.
Such a loneliness is mine; so know by this
That in immensity
There is one lonelier than you.
-Theodore Sturgeon
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belville (Sharon Belville):
PACHYDERMIC PERSONNEL PREDICTION
Peter C. Olsen (BYTE, Sept. 1989)
A BOLD NEW PROPOSAL FOR MATCHING HIGH-TECHNOLOGY PEOPLE AND PROFESSIONS
(continued)
Senior managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that
elephants are just like big field mice, but with deeper voices.
Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the
other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling they elephants
they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software
salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them
as desktop elephants.
VALIDATION
A validation survey was conducted about these rules. Almost all the people
surveyed about these rules were valid. A few were invalid, but they are
expected to recover soon. Based on the survey, a statistical confidence level
was determined. Ninety-five percent of the people surveyed have at least 67
percent confidence in statistics.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
This study has benefited from the suggestions and observations of many people,
all of whom would prefer not to be mentioned by name.
(to be continued)
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bjaspan (Barr3y Jaspan):
DEAR MISS MANNERS -- Many of the ladies enjoy wine coolers. On the
patio, I serve these in regular water glasses. Inside, or on more formal
occasions, I serve them in water goblets. Is that proper?
GENTLE READER -- It's fine with Miss Manners: On the patio, they are
an advanced version of iced tea; at the table, they are a retarded
version of wine. She congratulates you for understanding the importance
of context.
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cyrus (Die Die Yankee Dog!):
Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
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dryfoo (Gary L. Dryfoos):
{From system: This user's .plan file wasn't world readable, but now it is.}
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jefft (Jeff Tang):
"Heyyyy! She caught her back fat in the doorway. She's trapped!"
--- Crow
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mhbraun (Matt Braun):
"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
finds himself no wiser than before, he is full of murderous resentment of
people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."
Bokonon
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mickle (Michele A Wang):
"Today's lesson is `time'. Imagine a donut being fired out of a cannon
at the speed of light. Time is like that, only without the donut
and without the cannon." -- Dilbert
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nosaj (Jason M Sachs):
I gots dem Makefile blues,
Dem Makefile blues,
Can't find de sources,
Or de @#$%in' includes,
Oh, when dey mention Imake,
I gotta refuse --
Dose mean messin' muckin' @#$%in' Makefile blues! (yeah!)
:o]
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rongut (Ron A Gut):
From bloom-picayune.mit.edu!bloom-beacon!micro-heart-of-gold.mit.edu!wupost!sdd.hp.com!uakari.primate.wisc.edu!ames!lll-winken!looking!funny-request Fri Jun 19 12:37:18 EDT 1992
Article: 3402 of rec.humor.funny
Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!bloom-beacon!micro-heart-of-gold.mit.edu!wupost!sdd.hp.com!uakari.primate.wisc.edu!ames!lll-winken!looking!funny-request
From: aberman@cs.washington.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: NO SUBJECT PROVIDED
Keywords: true, chuckle
Message-ID: <S40b.419c@looking.on.ca>
Date: 17 Jun 92 08:30:05 GMT
Lines: 118
Approved: funny@clarinet.com
Here are some George Bush Quotes I have collected- Enjoy!
Many are from Doonesbury, and the New Republic.
"I think there were some differences, there's no question, and will
still be. We're talking about a major, major situation here that
requires constant work. But it was well worth it and there's much
more to it than just this- I mean just these sixteen accomplishments
or whatever: I mean, we've got a major rapport- relationship of
economics, major in the security, and all of that, we should not lose
sight of."
--1/10/92 to reporters, on his trip to Japan
"Please don't look at the part of the glass that is only half full."
--11/6/91
"No you're not going to see me stay put... I am not going to forsake
my responsibilities. You may not see me put as much- I mean, un-put
as much"
--11/8/91
"You cannot be president of the United States of you don't have faith.
Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil
War and all that stuff. You can't be. And we are blessed. So don't
feel sorry for- don't cry for me, Argentina."
--1/15/92
"I think I've got to do better in making clear what the message is, and I think
I can do better. But I think there's so much noise out there that I've got to
figure out how to make it clearer that we are for the things that I have advocated
that would help."
-2/18/91
"Your dedication and tireless work with the hostage thing, with
Central America, really give me cause for great pride in you and
thanks. Get some turkey, George Bush."
-- Vice President George Bush in a written expression of gratitude to
Oliver North, circa Thanksgiving 1985. Read by North during his
interview with Ted Koppel on "Nightline," 10/22/91
"I don't want to just sit here blaming Congress. I mean, we're all
in this together." --President Bush, 11/20/91 to news anchor Bill
Stuart of KCNC-TV, Denver.
"I think the Congress should be blamed." --several minutes later,
to Warner Saunders of WMAQ-TV, Chicago.
"If a frog had wings, he wouldn't hit his tail on the ground. 'If.'
Too hypothetical."
"And let me say in conclusion, thanks for the kids. I learned an awful lot
about bathtub toys-- about how to work the telephone. One guy knows- several
of them know their own phone numbers- preparation to go to the dentist. A lot
of things I'd forgotten. So it's been a good day." - January 21, at a
Head Start center in Catonsville, Maryland
"The guy over there at Pease - a woman actually - she said something about a
country-western song about the train, a light at the end of the tunnel...
I only hope it's not a train coming the other way. Well, I said to her, well,
I'm a country music fan. I love it, always have. Doesn't fit the mold of some
of the columnists, I might add, but nevertheless - of what they think I ought
to fit in, but I love it. You should have been with me at the c.m.a. awards
at Nashville. But nevertheless, I said to them there's another one that the
Nitty Ditty Nitty Gritty Great Bird - and it says if you want to see a rainbow
you've got to stand a little rain. We've had a little rain. New Hampshire
has had too much rain."
"And so I do understand New Hampshire because I have this wonderfully warm
feeling that New Hampshire feels exactly the way we do on these questions of
family values and faith. Somebody said to me, we prayed for you over there.
That was not just because I threw up on the Prime Minister of Japan, either.
Where was he when I needed him? I said, let me tell you something. And I say
this - I don't know whether any ministers from the episcopal church are here -
I hope so. But I said to him this: You're on to something here. You cannot
be President of the United States if you don't have faith. It's been great.
I'll go back to Washington all fired up for tomorrow and tackle the President
or the Prime Minister of this or the Governor of that coming in. But I'll
have this heartbeat..."
"You're burning up time. The meter is running through the sand on you and
I am now fillibustering."
"I see this glass not half-empty, but half-full and more."
"Ours is a great state, and we don't like limits of any kind. Ricky Clunn is
one of the great bass fishermen. He's a Texas young guy, and he's a very
competitive fisherman, and he talked about learning to fish wading in the
creeks behind his dad. He in his underwear went wading in the creeks behind
his father, and he said--as a fisherman he said it's great to grow up in a
country with no limits..."
"Somebody--somebody asked me, what's it take to win? I said to them, I can't
remember, what does it take to win the Super Bowl? Or maybe Steinbrenner,
my friend George, will tell us what it takes for the Yanks to win--one run.
But I went over to the Strawberry Festival this morning, and ate a piece of
shortcake over there--able to enjoy it right away, and once I completed it,
it didn't have to be approved by Congress--I just went ahead and ate it--
and that leads me into what I want to talk to you about today..."
-March 4, at a fund-raising lunch in Tampa, Florida
Andrew P. Berman
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
Do not use the old site of "looking.on.ca" please.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
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singzhen (Johnson C Tan):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
HERNIOPTERA
In Chitin I, a single hymenopteran worker can carry up to 30 dead
comrades back to the hive.
from Murphy's Rules
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vonneidt (Perry N. Finley):
I woke up, and I noted that I had been dreaming something right out of a
dream...but then I realized that I was still asleep, dreaming that I had
been dreaming something right out of a dream, yet I could have sworn that
by that time, time was a pretty tenuous concept.
All is the art of deception. All is image. (j.p. sartre)
All are ulterior motives. All are operators.
It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.(vidal)
Reality is not absolute, and it is not relative.(g.c. rota)
Orbis Tertius: hlor u fang axaxaxas mlo (j l borges)
(upward behind the onstreaming it mooned)
Just taking in the necessary illusions and the technicolored misinformation...
Can you see invisibility? (Joyce, Sonic Youth...)
Deconstruction reveals the motives of god.
--- End of Central America ---
