[4323] in Central_America
New quotes for Wed Jun 3
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Wed Jun 3 01:34:21 1992
Date: Wed, 3 Jun 92 01:33:16 -0400
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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amgreene (Andrew Marc Greene):
This is a test.
The file is /mit/amgreene/Public/.plan.
It should supersede /mit/amgreene/.plan.
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belville (Sharon Belville):
PACHYDERMIC PERSONNEL PREDICTION
Peter C. Olsen (BYTE, Sept. 1989)
A BOLD NEW PROPOSAL FOR MATCHING HIGH-TECHNOLOGY PEOPLE AND PROFESSIONS
(Part 3 - the entire article is being built in
/afs/athena/user/b/e/belville/elephant)
Consultants don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all,
but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do. Operations
research consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet
color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will
only identify the elephants.
Politicians don't hunt elephants, but they will share elephants you catch with
the people who voted for them.
Lawyers don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing
about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an
entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
Vice presidents of engineering, research, and development try hard to hunt
elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice
president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all
possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees
them. If the vice president does see a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will
(1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to
prevent a recurrence.
(to be continued)
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carla (Carla Jean Fermann):
he's nice, he's fun, his name is Ron Mike
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celine (Hagbard Celine):
From the Home Office: Top ten ways to die...
10. Skydiving without a parachute.
9. Head on collision with a truck or bus, when on a bike.
8. Playing chicken with a high speed locomotive.
7. Telling Mike Tyson he's a wimp.
6. Swallowing a mouthful of broken glass.
5. Anything involving a running chainsaw.
4. Sneezing while being shaved with a straightrazor.
3. Jumping into a volcano in a flame resistant suit.
2. Eviscerating yourself with a spoon.
And the number one way to punch your ticket:
1. Being struck by lightning.
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IBM was given a goverment contract to develop an advanced encryption
system, spent millions of dollars and thousands of man-years developing
it, and what did we get?
EBCDIC.
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Hendrix's question was badly framed. They're the same thing.
---
If you leave the `a' out of `predication', no electronic spelling checker
will ever find it.
---
Prof. Abelson just announced a job opportunity to misc.jobs.offered.
In describing the kind of person he is looking for:
"Applicants must also have extensive knowledge of Unix, although they
should have sufficiently good programming taste to not consider this
an achievement."
---
"You're still getting worked up about life!? I don't know how you manage
it, bud. Life's just not that exciting."
No TV.
No sex.
No drugs.
No driving.
No drinking.
No religion.
No animal flesh.
No amorous relationships.
Rare exposure to Rock and Roll.
Must be a grad student (and a nihilist at that).
---
Obligatory geeky programming poem:
0x0d2C
==========
May your signals all trap
May your references be bounded
All memory aligned
Floats to ints rounded
Remember ...
Non-zero is true
++ adds one
Arrays start with zero
and, NULL is for none
For octal, use zero
0x means hex
= will set
== means test
use -> for a pointer
a dot if its not
? : is confusing
use them a lot
a.out is your program
there's no U in foobar
and, char (*(*x())[])() is
a function returning a pointer
to an array of pointers to
functions returning char
Written by jss - Jon S. Stumpf
---
This is sick, and I like it:
Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make
love with you.
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find
your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that you're the deceasd's gay lover.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the
deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're
not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can
sneak him into the coffin.
11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will
can be read before the funeral is over.
15. Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor
who can't afford firewood.
16. Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
17. Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
18. Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
19. Take up a collection to pay off the deceased' gambling debts.
20. Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.
21. Put crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.
22. Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
23. If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.
24. When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's
mouth.
25. Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream
"MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
26. At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
27. Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.
28. Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
29. Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for
back-taxes.
30. Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face
while praising the deceased.
---
But if you don't believe me, that's ok.
I don't need to have you agree with me.
-a quote from Richard Stallman
---
Why vegetarianism?
Lesse...
I don't *need* to eat meat. Haven't eaten it in years, still healthy.
Even cows and pigs got the right not to be hit in the head with a hammer
just because someone somewhere has a hankerin for a haunch.
The grain used to feed beef stock could feed six times as many people
as the meat itself does - eating meat is uneconomical.
Animals have to *die* before they can be eaten. Ever kill a lamb?
A chicken? How about a cow? Probably not. Would you be willing to if
it was the only way you could eat said animal?
Some people can reconcile these points with their conscience. Can you?
---
More fun with vegetarianism:
The Dairy Council tells us: Milk is nature's most perfect food
The Dairy Council doesn't tell us:
Milk is nature's food for a baby calf, who has four stomachs, will double its
weight in 47 days and is destined to weigh 300 pounds within a year
Think about it...
---
Rob's Rules on How NOT to Get Laid:
1) Don't attend parties at which large quantities of alcohol are consumed.
2) If you must attend said parties, by all means stay sober.
3) Don't allow women (or homosexual men) to become familiar enough with
you to physically touch you. Helps if you're not the touchy-feely type.
4) When propositioned, defer to a "previous engagement".
5) If it suits you, poor hygiene keeps down sexual interest.
6) Keep all necessary relationships with those with whom there is any
realistic possibility of sexual interest at the (formal) friendly level.
7) If you suspect you have an infatuation forming for a certain person,
focus on their negative attributes intensely until it goes away.
8) If step seven fails, isolate yourself from said person until it goes away.
That's all there is to it!
---
This is a cool hack by demented people I'd like to meet:
ABDUCTED BAT IS BACK, BUT MYSTERY LINGERS
By Stephen Hunt, Salt Lake Tribune
Last year, shortly after Kris and Tyler Walton noticed an inflatable black
Halloween bat was missing from their porch, the Salt Lake couple began
receiving postcards from around the world signed by "Matt the Bat."
The cards -- usually indicating Matt was "having a good time" -- were
postmarked from New York, Florida, Mexico, Hawaii and Paris.
Mrs. Walton initially thought she was receiving the postcards by mistake.
But after reading a few of them carefully, she decided they must be linked to
her missing inflatable bat.
Some postcards promised Matt would return in time for Halloween.
Sunday night it happened, with Matt returning as mysteriously as he
disappeared. He was delivered at 11:30 p.m. by a neighbor claiming three
people she met on the street asked her to deliver the package.
The Waltons are still puzzling over that. But a dozen photos in the
package with Matt left no doubt the intrepid bat had been seeing the world.
The snapshots show Matt relaxing on a sandy beach, snorkeling in the ocean,
cooling off in a Virgin Islands hotel swimming pool and hanging out in front
of a Honolulu police station.
Though various pepole appear in the photos with Matt, there is no one the
Waltons recognize. "We're baffled," Mrs. Walton said.
---
And most of all would I flee from the cruel madness of love--
The honey of poison-flowers and all the measureless ill.
tennyson, _maud_, 1830
---
Three Rings for Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the
Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men
doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One
Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In
the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
- Tolkien
---
Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
I am convinced that, with a few exceptions, women were put on this
earth to keep men from f*cking themselves to death :-). At least one
of the two sexes has to exhibit some self-control.
Jonathan Kamens, aka jik@athena.mit.edu, if you can believe it!
---
<>!*''# Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
^@`$$- Caret at back-tick dollar dollar dash,
!*'$_ Bang splat tick dollar under-score,
%*<>#4 Percent splat waka waka number four,
&)../ Ampersand right-paren dot dot slash,
|{~~SYSTEM HALTED Vertical-bar curly-bracket tilde tilde CRASH.
---
Wingdings is an all-symbol font for Windoze.
Someone discovered accidentally that N,Y,C maps to
skull and crossbones, star of David, thumbs up sign.
Coincidence?
---
I've spent a lot of time writing MUD code, and I don't think anyone
who knows me will tell you I'm the kind of person who enjoys wasting
his effort. (I was going to write "*ing off", but who can honestly
deny enjoying that?)
-mjr@hussar.dco.dec.com (Marcus J. "will do TCP/IP for food" Ranum)
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cyrus (Cyrus Shaoul):
The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading
down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
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dryfoo (Gary L. Dryfoos):
LICK HERE!
--> [ ] <--
(You may be one of the Lucky 23!)
Some advice to graduates:
"When I graduate, I'm gonna cut the soles off my shoes,
sit in a tree and learn to play the flute!"
-- Young George Tyrebiter
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dthumim (Daniel J Thumim):
If you've been fingering me for Kosher Kitchen information, the K.K. is Klosed
for the summer. But I'm not!
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heydrich (Andrew Chou):
Office: 545 Technology Square - Room 311
Cambridge, MA 02139
x2345
Home: 22 Magazine St. #3
Cambridge, MA 02139
(617) 547-8219
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jefft (Jeff Tang):
"I'm missing graduation! The music's started! Oh, no!"
--- Tom Servo on Billy waking up from faint to FA II theme song.
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johnny (John W Yoon):
The question "How does one write good programs in C++?" is very similar
to the question "How does one write good English prose?" There are two
kinds of answers: "Know what you want to say" and "Practice. Imitate good
writing." Both kinds of advice appear to be as appropriate for C++ as they
are for English -- and as hard to follow.
Bjarne Stroustrup
Message of the Day:
Jesus loves you :)
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kevinli (Kevin Li):
To graduate in 1994.
Office: Rm. 36-377 (x3-0986)
Rm. LL-J-040I (981-2803) or (981-1010)
Term address: 143 Albany St. Apt. 211B
Cambridge, MA 02139
(617) 621-1151
Home address: 8 Cranberry Lane
Amherst, MA 01002
(413) 253-7443
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krueger (Lokman Alwi):
"When living your life like an arrow in flight
You must always accept that the end is in sight
Be thankful at least for the fact that you knew
You came to death, he did not come for you" M. Walkyier
"That is not dead
Which can eternal lie
Yet with strange aeons
Even death may die" H.P. Lovecraft
"O God of earth and altar
Bow down and hear our cry
Our earthly rulers falter
Our people drift and die
The walls of gold entomb us
The swords of scorn divide
Take not thy thunder from us
But take away our pride" G. K. Chesterton
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lsc (Lecture Series Committee):
LSC Movies for the weekend of Jun 5 to Jun 6
Harrison Ford Double Feature
Fri. Jun 5 Witness [R] 10-250 7
Peter Weir's Academy Award winner stars Harrison Ford as a tough
Philadelphia cop whose only witness to a murder is an Amish boy. Also
starring Kelly McGillis and Lukas Haas.
Fri. Jun 5 Working Girl [R] 10-250 9:30pm
Mike Nichols directs an all-star cast as Melanie Griffith is determined to
pull herself out of the secretarial pool and climb to the top - over her
boss, Sigourney Weaver, if necessary. Along the way, she enlists the
unwitting help of Harrison Ford.
Sat. Jun 6 Children of a Lesser God [R] 10-250 8pm
William Hurt is a teacher at a school for the deaf, and Oscar-winner
Marlee Matlin is the beautiful young deaf woman he falls in love with.
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For more information, call the LSC MovieLine, 258-8881,
or the LSC office, 253-3791.
MIT or Wellesley ID required, one guest allowed per ID.
Admission to movies is $1.50 and a 20-Admission
Superticket is available for $28.
Classic Movie shows end before the start of the second
show of the corresponding Friday series movie.
Problems and changes to the mailing list should be addressed to
info-lsc-request@zurich.ai.mit.edu
This service is neither maintained nor supported by the
MIT Lecture Series Committee.
To see this information again, finger -l lsc@zurich.ai.mit.edu
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merklin (Jimmy Y Kwon):
email address: merklin@athena.mit.edu
also email at: merklin@au-bon-pain.lcs.mit.edu (alias abp.lcs)
Project: CSG *T ("StarT") - Network Interface Chip
Residence: 500 Memorial Dr. Rm 531
Cambridge, MA 02139
phone: x5-8881
Home Addr: 20 Avery St.
Needham, MA 02194
phone: (617)444-4833
"I'd like to, but I just remembered that I have to floss my cat."
CARLSON'S CONSOLATION:
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as
a bad example.
NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the
time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
FINAGLE'S RULES:
1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
2) Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
5) Program results should always be reproducible. They should all fail
in the same way.
6) Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
"You know more and more about less and less, until you know everything about
nothing."
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mkgray (Matthew K Gray):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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rajchak (Rajat Chakraborty):
Send email to rajchak@athena.mit.edu
Phone: (617) 247-3012
Address: 528 Beacon Street
Boston, MA 02215
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ranald (Gregory L Yantz):
"The answer I need has to one that fits everybody. If I can
know why I want to go on living, then I'll know why the whole race
wants to keep on living when it rejects all gods and keeps trying
the impossible as if it were possible."
-Gordon Dickson, "Things Which are Caesar's"
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shelene:
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
A DIFFERENT DRUMMER
TSR's Central Command includes a rule that units must pay additional
movement points to enter enemy-controlled areas "unless the unit has a
red band." No unit in the game has a red band -- unless perchance, the
rule refers to a Soviet Drum and Bugle Corps.
from Murphy's Rules
--- End of Central America ---
