[4120] in Central_America
New quotes for Mon Mar 2
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Mon Mar 2 01:28:10 1992
Date: Mon, 2 Mar 92 01:27:04 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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adler (Christopher A Adler):
I may be found at:
Senior House, Nichols 105.
Phone number (617) 225-6691
The mail address is
4 Ames St.
Cambridge, Mass. 02142
You may also reach me at
adler@segovia.mit.edu
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cholwon (Cholwon O):
For further information call (617) 225-9294
this is temp.
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cyrus (Cyrus Shaoul):
Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
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drmorris (David R. Morrison):
Yet another rhf relay.
What are the similarities between bungee jumping and a prostitute?
1) they are very expensive.
2) they only last a couple of minutes.
3) if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Calvin Wong | Disclaimer: SCO is not responsible
The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc. | for my opinions.
calvinw@sco.com ...uunet!sco!calvinw |
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emoy (Eva Moy):
NN: how's life? you've got my address; now use it.
ACL: Ni zai na-li? Zem duo shi-hou dou bu hui-da wo de xin.
KAB: goblin! furry fish still around. When are you moving to Senior House?
BTY: what are you doing "finger"ing me? I'll see you in five.
You can always catch up on sleep when you're dead.
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entin (Ilya A Entin):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jtkohl (John T Kohl):
From the mt. Xinu 1992 "stream of consciousness" calendar:
February: "Buffering & Congestion Control"
Don't suffer from a dirty buffer ... Ask for BUFFER-N by name.
[picture of Buffer-N bottle & box]
By the makers of Mbufs--the buff colored cereal shaped like an M.
[picture of digestive tract]
1. Lack of buffering can cause degraded performance and fragmented
memory. (points to stomach)
2. Buffered data goes [sic] through your system twice as fast --
without crash dumps or flush requests! (points to lower stomach valve)
3. Out of the cache and back into your I/O stream--F-A-S-T.
(points to duodenum)
[spokesman bubble quote:] Next time you have congestion, sticky bits or
dropped packets, don't spend your valuable time on the sleep queue--just
reach for BUFFER-N.
* A product of the ARPINET-EUNIBUS Corporation
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sunder (Sankar Sunder):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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tbaacm (Lester E Hui):
Eliminate censorship
Assassinate Marion Barry
Kill the PC movement
GRADUATE !!
Quotes: A dog is a dog, except when he's facing you,
then he's Mr. Dog.
Environmental Slogans: Save a Tree, Eat a Beaver
Taste me, taste me, I'm organic
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therese (Therese):
I sit, by myself, among friends
reaching out to touch those beyond my feeble reach
spending time caring for people...
whom I may never meet
Sharing a myriad of emotions...
As ephemeral as those I share them with
Hearing sighs and laughter with no voices...
feeling warmth in hugs that have no arms...
seeing smiles on imaginary faces
distance shrinks, and for a brief moment...
we are one as friends...
more than friends...
family..
- Brent Halverson (Just Hal)
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warlord (Derek Atkins):
Date: Sat, 29 Feb 92 4:30:4 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system
From: toad@cellar.org
Subject: 1991 Unix support headlines
Keywords: unix, chuckle
(These went over well last year, so I kept a list for this year.)
I work at the support hotline for a fairly large Unix vendor. Customer
calls are intercepted by a group of receptionists, who determine the
general nature of each caller's problem or question and then place it on
an electronic queue. The receptionists attach a "headline" to each call,
so that the support analysts can decide whether a particular call is in
their area of expertise. Unfortunately, the receptionists are not
generally familiar with Unix.
Spelling errors can happen.
"The cron log file has exceeded 250 mega bite"
"Air message on consol"
Sometimes there is strange imagery involved. Picture this:
"Cannot get into the library"
"Runaway process boards"
"Terminals need to be brightened up"
...you can ignore this problem until they're suicidal.
"Question about braking when dialing in from a modem"
...calling from your car phone?
"Does not see the boot"
...check the end of your foot.
"Terminal has no cusor and making a high pitch wine"
...mmmm, just LOVE that high pitch wine!
"Cannot get into Telnet"
...yeah, telnet is pretty boring.
"Constant memory vaults"
...you're using too many JUMP instructions.
"X's and O's on terminal"
...how cute, it's just telling you it loves you.
"Terminal density is gone - cannot see screen"
...someone call a physicist -- their system is losing its mass!
"Bust fault and reset of system"
...can the hardware guy install a bra?
There is some hardware we just don't support.
"Install wife terminal"
"Has a PC that knocks down all terminals"
"Foot disk needs to be reformatted"
...contact your chiropractor.
"Actuary on printer is out"
...are they at an insurance company?
This is clearly NOT a software problem.
"Trouble with electrical smell on system"
This one came up a few weeks after Gorbachev had his trouble:
"When logging on, getting overthrow signal"
Similarly:
"Warning regent table overthrow"
Here's a stumper.
"EGA controller error grade andy controller, bell doesn't work"
Users may get a little fed up.
"Is it possible to communicate with a Unix machine?"
"Too much paper during printing"
Sometimes, you just have to wonder...
"Getting a parody error"
"If terminal is off, can't get prompt back"
"Having ahard disfailure"
"Question about configuration of Woodperfect"
"Set off a background process accidentally and wants to kill"
...I, too, would kill after making such a mistake.
"Questions on fox based software"
...those animals really do understand relational databases!
"Problem logging onto root, gets Chinese characters"
...oh, your console is upside-down.
"Each time he accesses a dose you have to reset the terminal"
...wow, man, the screen is breathing...
"Kill process logs users off system"
...it does tend to do that.
"Question on repetitioning the disc"
...we have here a signed statement: you should increase swap.
"Q how to do PCP over x dot 25"
...please, don't network under the influence.
"UPS DOWN"
...and down is up, right, sir?
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@clarinet.com
(ie. jokes which won't be funny if not given immediate attention.)
Anything that is not a joke submission goes to funny-request@clarinet.com
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yitwah (Yitwah Cheung):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
--- End of Central America ---
