[4100] in Central_America
New quotes for Thu Feb 20
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Thu Feb 20 01:30:32 1992
Date: Thu, 20 Feb 92 01:29:18 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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alchen (Alice Chen):
Okay, I'm back at MIT til May 23rd. For more information, finger my account
alchen@fenchurch.mit.edu
Does anyone happen to know the email address of the lyric-request server?
Please email me at alchen@athena. Thanks! :)
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bauhaus (xxxxx xxxxx):
Being happy in an unreal world
is better than being unhappy in the real world
Avoid Beautiful Lies
Kill for Fun
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cfields (Craig Fields):
Newsgroups: alt.motd
From: motd@colnet.uucp
Subject: motd from colnet
Organization: Little to None
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 1992 07:02:21 GMT
If an undetectable error occurs, the processor continues as if no error
had occurred. -- IBM S/360 Principles of Operation
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cyrus (Cyrus Shaoul):
OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O
and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if
it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um... WHERE'S the
WASHING MACHINES?
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glassw (William B. Glass):
Through darkness we ride
But on the other side of the turning world it is dawn.
I am aware of the light and dark,
the contrasts and balance of pain and pleasure in our lives.
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heyyuli (Julian Friedman):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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hooch (Conrad G. T. Yoder):
Finish up my LAST SEMESTER here. Ear T-Shirt accomplished!
Current Address: Parental Units:
Baker House Room 517 55178 T.R. 170
x5-7267 Fresno, OH 43824
18C/4 (614)545-6796
Quotes of the Week:
"When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter."
- Steven Wright
"Being head of state is an extremely thankless job."
- Bokassa I, former emperor of the Central African Republic, while on trial
for infanticide, cannibalism, and torture
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irfan (Irfan A Essa):
Office: E15-391, Home: 71 Fulkerson Street, #110
M.I.T. Media Lab Cambridge, MA 02141
20 Ames Street,
Cambridge, MA 02139
(617) 253-0381 (617) 225-2425
(617) 253-3009 (Lab)
(617) 258-6264 (Fax)
Note: All my mail is forwarded to irfan@media.mit.edu
If unable to locate me call home and leave a message
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
Article: 3119 of rec.humor.funny
Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!mintaka.lcs.mit.edu!spdcc!dirtydog.ima.isc.com!ispd-newsserver!psinntp!looking!funny-request
Message-id: <S394.420@looking.on.ca>
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 92 3:20:7 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Dow implants, topical, original
From: LAFORCE@xenon.arc.nasa.gov (Soren)
Keywords: topical, chuckle, original
Approved: funny@clarinet.com
With all the attention that the Dow breast implants have been getting lately,
I wondered why no one else has been manufacturing these "devices" except
Dow.
Then I realized that everyone else was probably afraid of a "look and
feel" lawsuit...
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes. You think I have
time to hand-correct everybody's postings?
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kenneths (Kenneth J. Schneider):
Address at Theta Chi: Address at Home:
528 Beacon Street 4005 Birdwell
Boston, MA 02215 Tyler, TX 75703
(617) 267-1801 ext. 142 (903) 581-0216
Last logged on Wed Feb 19 17:28:00 EST 1992 on host w20-575-129 .MIT.EDU
Last logged on Wed Feb 19 17:40:25 EST 1992 on host w20-575-89 .MIT.EDU
Last logged on Wed Feb 19 17:41:39 EST 1992 on host w20-575-22 .MIT.EDU
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leira (Rev. Linda L. Julien):
"Morris dancing is a form of traditional English folk dancing found
principally in the southern counties of England, a horrific spectacle
involving grown men dancing a bizarre ritual square dance wearing dark
trousers, white shirts, stupid hats, ribbons on the arms, and bells on
their toes. It is reserved for ghastly hippy festivals and country
town pedestrian precincts on public holidays. Participants are
generally secondary-school teachers, university lecturers, computer
programmers, and other such dweebs. They usually sport beards... Be
glad you have never witnessed them first-hand."
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mathman (Erlan Wheeler II):
To do His will.
"And this is the greatest commandment,
that you love God with all your heart,
soul, and mind."
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mczody (Michael C. Zody):
Stratomatic Hockey 1991-92
Team W L T Pts GIH Projected
Chicago 24 12 3 51 - 52.3
Boston 14 9 1 29 15 58.3
Montreal 15 11 3 33 10 45.5
NY Rangers 12 19 3 27 5 31.8
Los Angeles 7 12 1 15 18 30.0
Detroit 3 12 1 7 22 17.5
Missing Stats:
DET 0 @ CHI 4: DET stats
CHI 3 @ DET 2: CHI stats
MON 3 @ BOS 4: MON stats
DET 6 @ MON 1: MON stats
MON 4 @ DET 3: MON stats
MON 4 @ CHI 4: MON stats
CHI 0 @ MON 4: MON stats
CHI 3 @ DET 1: DET stats
CHI 3 @ MON 2: MON stats
BOS 5 @ MON 3: MON stats
CHI: two games, probably the unknown MON games
MON: two games, probably the unknown CHI games
Away: BOS CHI DET LAK MON NYR Record
Home: -------------------------------------------
BOS 4-0 5-2 5-8 0-3 6-6-0
1-2 4-2 5-8
2-3 3-4 4-2
7-4 3-2
-------------------------------------------
CHI 3-1 2-7 0-4 4-2 3-2 8-8-3
6-1 3-1 5-6 MdC 1-4
4-1 0-4 3-4 3-2 4-4
3-3 2-3 4-4 3-7
-------------------------------------------
DET 7-3 2-0 3-3 6-3 0-8-1
3-2 4-3
5-2 3-2
3-1
-------------------------------------------
LAK 6-3 1-7 4-1 3-3 3-7-1
5-3 7-0 0-1
3-0 5-4
3-2 3-4
-------------------------------------------
MON 0-1 3-2 6-1 3-2 5-4 5-7-1
3-2 MdC 1-4
5-3 0-4 1-2
3-2 5-5
-------------------------------------------
NYR 2-1 6-2 2-4 2-3 3-2 6-11-0
3-2 5-1 5-2 2-4
3-4 2-1 5-2 2-7
3-5 2-0 3-1 2-0
-------------------------------------------
BOS CHI DET LAK MON NYR
Record 8-3-1 16-4-0 3-4-0 4-5-0 10-4-2 6-8-3
League-wide: 47 road wins, 28 home wins
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panda (Chris Reed):
Strat '91 MLB GP W L PCT GB INJURIES
---------------------------------- ----------------------------------
Atlanta 9 7 2 .778 ---
Los Angeles 24 13 11 .542 1.5
Detroit 9 5 4 .556 2.0
Boston 0 0 0 .500 2.5
Houston 12 5 7 .417 3.5
Texas 6 1 5 .167 4.5
Toronto 6 1 5 .167 4.5
(away score first) AWAY TEAM
Det Hou Bos Tor LA Atl Tex
Det *** 6-4
*** 4-6
*** 2-3
Hou 2-3 *** 3-4(16)
3-4 *** 3-1
6-1 *** 4-2
HOME Bos ***
TEAM ***
***
Tor *** 8-3
*** 5-3
*** 4-3
LA 0-2 0-3 *** 8-6 3-5
1-3 1-0(13) *** 13-8(20) 3-8
9-8(13) 2-3 *** 5-4 4-5
Atl 6-4 10-11 ***
6-5 4-8 ***
4-8 1-3 ***
Tex 7-6(13) ***
4-5 ***
4-5 ***
Det Hou Bos Tor LA Atl Tex
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quanta (Doug Newton):
Ph.D. A.S.A.P.
(Yes, I am still here....)
Douglas A. Newton '91 > Intermediate Energy Group LNS |\/\/\/|
Home: Tang 10-C-1 tel. 252-0959 | |
Office: 26-648 tel. 253-4230 | |
LNS E-Mail Address: newton@MITLNS.MIT.EDU | (o)(o)
Athena E-Mail Address: quanta@ATHENA.MIT.EDU C _)
Group Leader> Prof. Aron Bernstein | ,___|
Office: 26-419 tel. 253-2386 | /
/____\
Don't have a cow, Man! / \
I'm planning to get a plan together... that's the plan.
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sethg (Seth A. Gordon):
Which language is right for you?
--------------------------------
In order to help you make a competent, uncomplicated choice concerning the
competition between complex, incompatible computer compilers, we have
composed this complete, compact, composite compendium comprising comparisons
to compensate for the complaints and complements of their compromises. We
hope you will find it comprehensible rather than compost.
6502:
You shoot yourself in the foot.
68000:
You can't decide which gun and which bullet to use, so you
hang yourself.
Z80, 8080...:
You foot yourself in the shoot.
Ada:
The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you
a blindfold and a last cigarette.
APL:
GN </ FT ^ BLT
BASIC (interpreted):
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg
is waterlogged and falls off.
BASIC (compiled):
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile
launcher.
C:
You shoot yourself in the foot and then no one else can figure out
what you did.
C++:
You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the
foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is
impossible.
COBOL:
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45).
AIM AT LEG.FOOT.
PERFORM SQUEEZE USING ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER).
MOVE HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER.
csh:
After searching the manual until your foot fall asleep, you shoot
the computer and switch to C.
dBase:
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and
are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the
next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually
shoot bullets.
FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of
toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway since no exception-
processing was anticipated.
Modula-2:
You perform a shooting on what might currently be a foot with what
might currently be a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.
occam:
You shoot both your feet with several guns at once.
ORCA/C:
Byteworks keeps promising to supply good ammunition RSN!
Pascal:
Same as Modula-2, except the bullet is not of the right type for the
gun and your hand is blown off.
Pascal:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but it tells you that your
foot is the wrong type and out of range to boot!
PL/I:
After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data
processing department doubles its size, acquires two new mainframes
and drops the original on your foot.
Prolog (interpreted):
Your program tries to shoot you in the foot, but you die of old age
before the bullet leaves the gun.
Prolog (compiled):
The facts are against you. You try to stop the gun from shooting
you in the foot, but it replies "No."
Smalltalk, Actor:
After playing with the graphics for three weeks the programming
manager shoots you in the head.
Snobol:
Grab your foot with your hand and rewrite your hand to be a bullet.
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
BUTTERFINGERS!
In Hero Games' Champions, the probability of an average person begin
able to grab something off a table (such as a soft-drink bottle) is 25
percent.
from Murphy's Rules
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therese (Therese):
We were friends who rode the waves
The time we spent in our younger days
Was all in fun,.. oh the good times that we had.
We were young and it was fine
To feel your spirit as it climbed
There're no regrets
Only good times
We were friends in younger days
Although we went our separate ways
You were my friend, you never turned away
Who can say what life will do
Life is kind to just a few
There're no regrets
Only good times
In time we will grow, we will change
As free as the wind and the waves
Live your life the way you choose
Find the ones who'll laugh with you
Like the sea
will find its way to shore
As the sun sinks from the sky,
Live your life and you will find
There're no regrets
Only good times ....
- Keola and Kapono Beamer
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tytso (Theodore Y. Ts'o):
What can you do with your days but work and play?
Let your dreams bind your work to your play.
What can you do with each moment of your life,
But love 'til you've loved it away?
Love 'til you've loved it away...
----
setenv TEDPATH 253-8091:253-8400:253-7788:395-0154:393-9332
--- End of Central America ---
