[3984] in Central_America
New quotes for Sat Jan 4
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Sat Jan 4 01:28:14 1992
Date: Sat, 4 Jan 92 01:27:48 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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amgreene (Andrew Marc Greene):
In honor of this week's special event, Parshas Vayera, which we read
on the morning of Saturday, 4 January 1992, we are pleased to present
for your amusement, from the Rechnitzer Rejects,
The Wrong Sermon (III)
[The two characters are the Rabbi (R) and Congregant (C).]
R: And so, my friends, we come to this week's special event, Parshas
Vayera, the first of two times that we read as Moses descends Mount
Sinai and delivers the Ten Commandments. It is a sign of the...
C: What Ten Commandments? It's the Ten Plagues this week! The Ten
Commandments are is Yisroi!
R: And these -- er, ten -- Ten Plagues were the Children of Israel's
foundation for -- er, for a challenge to Pharaoh. But why did God
choose Sinai?
C: I don't care right now. We're in the middle of plagues!
R: Sinai. A sign, I think, to test the Egyptians and show the strength
of Moses. The first Command--
C: Plague! You said it's a test.
R: The first *test* that God, who brought them out of the land of Egypt---
C: Not yet! Not yet!
R: ...was blood.
C: A sort of blood test?
R: Followed by frogs. God was already establishing his credentials, and
He didn't want His Name after that to be taken in vain. As it says,
``Lo Sisoi...'' [This sounds more like Lye-See-Soy - Rhu]
C: Lice! Lice! Lice!
R: It's true, I tell you!
C: No, the third one is lice: L-I-C-E. You've got to get lice into
your head. Heh heh.
R: Oh, yes. Lice. Not to mention keeping Shabbos.
C: Keeping Shabbos?!?!?
R: I told you not to mention keeping Shabbos! Which, incidentally, we
all must do.
C: Wild beasts!
R: Yes, wild beasts couldn't keep us from keeping Shabbos. And so must
they.
C: Unless they have prestilence, you know. *Pestilence....* [trying to
lead the Rabbi back to plagues. - Rhu]
R: Ah, well, by this time, the fifth plague categorically asks us to
honor your---
C: What honor? What honor?
R: To honor the name of Israel. Pharaoh was up to no good. He just
wouldn't let our people go.
C: Unlike the Religious Committee at next week's meeting on your contract,
Rabbi.
R: God entreats us not to steal.
C: But Rabbi, we've got to pay you *somehow*!
R: Believe me, Gentlemen, it's absolute murder.
C: *sigh* Boils!
R: What boils?
C: Boils!
R: What it boils down to is that in Egypt, it became absolute hell.
C: 'Tain't exactly heaven from where I'm sitting!
R: Hail rained down, the size of tennis balls.
C: Finally, a subject you know about.
R: And so we come to the sin of adultery.
C: Rabbi, adultery isn't for another three weeks!
R: Oh. Oh. So it isn't. But in anticipation--
C: Locusts!
R: Is after July. [OK, it's weak here. - Rhu]
C: Followed by darkness...
R: Fading to black -- er, fading back to where I was. By this time,
Pharaoh was almost ready to give up.
C: He's not alone.
R: ...and he remembers commandment number nine.
C: Nine?
R: Nine.
C: Nein! With an E-I. Nein!
R: Oh. So to the final stroke, the slaying of the first born, giving
rise to the addage, ``If at first you don't succeed, you're not the eldest
son.''
C: Terrific. So, are we finished now?
R: Quiet! So every year, we remember these Comma--
C: PLAGUES!
R: Plagues by pouring off some wine, to commemorate the spilling of
blood.
C: The spilling of blood -- Rabbi, we only need to wait for next week's
meeting for that!
R: Are there any questions, then, on these plagues?
C: What questions could there be on plagues?
R: Maybe we could put up one on the wall...
C: Oy! Plaques! These are plagues! Oy; give me two tablets.
R: That's what I've been trying to do, if you'll let me finish the
sentence. Anyway, that's the story with the plagues. Finally,
Pharaoh let our people go.
C: Now, will you? Come on everybody... [exits.]
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daishi (daishi harada):
ad pulcritudinem tria requiruntur, integritas, consonantia, claritas.
Three things are needed for beauty, wholeness, harmony and radiance.
- James Joyce, "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man"
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fhchua (Fei Hai Chua):
This is a SECRET !
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jcb (Jeff Bigler):
Take interest, I implore you, in those sacred dwellings one designates
by the expressive term _laboratories_. Demand that they be multiplied,
that they be adorned. These are the temples of the future--temples of
well-being and happiness. There it is that humanity grows greater,
stronger, better.
Louis Pasteur
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jefft (Jeff Tang):
I'm baaack.
Time to write a thesis.
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kdrolt (Kenneth D Rolt):
graduate and get rich from the sales of my series of bad-detective fiction
novels about a big-city shamus who gets $50 per day, plus expenses.
email:
rolt@arctic.mit.edu
rolt@acoustics.mit.edu
kdrolt@athena.mit.edu
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rlcarr (Richard L. Carreiro):
>Subject: Re: Perfect P.C. day.
>
>
>Goes something like this...
>
>
> 7:30 wake up to the sound of Radio Moscow on my Sony Walkperson
> spend half an hour contemplating the gender role I intend
> playing this day.
> 8:00 Breakfast is a free range soft boiled egg followed by meusli,
> the milkperson has not called today so I have my Nicaraguan
> coffee non-white.
> 8:20 Go off to have my labour exploited. Bus late demonstrating the
> inefficiencies of the free market system and hence the
> inevitability of it's eventual collapse,
>
> 9:00 Arrive at work. My personager does not seem to have accepted the
> case I made for day care nursery provision. Perhaps herm will
> be more receptive when we have some employees with children
> of pre school age.
> 9:45 I notice that there is now a notice in the Male lavatories requesting
> that sanitary towells should not be disposed of in the toilet.
> Does this mean that a sanitary can is also going to be provided?
>
> 12:45 Lunch, I go to the new Vegetarian restaurant at the corner and
> buy a sandwich. The waitee tells me that they are organised as
> a cooperative - proof that worker power is indeed challenging
> the corporatist exploitation of the proletariat. I must raise
> this at the next party meeting.
> 13:45 Back to work. It's starting to get cold! I hope it warms up a bit
> before saturday. Its much worse standing about selling the paper
> in the wet as people are much less willing to talk. Still if
> Marx and Lenin had allowed themselves to be discouraged by such
> events how would the processes of Historical Materialism have
> smashed the borgouise capitalist system to create the worker state?
>
> 17:30 Home time at last. On the way back I pick up a newspaper and a
> sandwich. Much as I would prefer to support an independent
> newspaper which is not the mouthpiece of the establishment I
> buy a Guardian so I can read If and Donnesbury.
> 19:30 Go out to my conciousness medianating group. I feel a great
> feeling of solidarity on such occasions with the oppressed
> minorities in society. I am pleased now that I switched from the
> anti-patriarchy conciousness raising group, after all the idea
> of raising conciousness must surely be elitist in some respect
> and thus serve to support the class structure of our society.
>
> 21:30 After the session we join with the wymins Zap action Cheeswire
> brigade. Such occasions are vital to building grass roots level
> solidarity with others united in our cause. It was noticable that
> far from being intmidated by our male presence our sister
> bretheren did almost all the talking. Obvously their conciousness
> medianating is suceeding! I learned that I still poses many
> sexist and patriarchal attitudes. I must try to eliminate these
>
> 23:30 Home at last, only time for a single chapter of Capital before
> going to sleep. Workers of all lands UNITE !
>
> Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
>
>--
>Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
>
>If you mail to original@clarinet.com, it makes sure that your joke is tagged
>as your original work, and thus eligible for the RHF comedy awards. Always
>attribute the source of a joke, whether it's you, or somebody else.
--- End of Central America ---
