[3941] in Central_America
New quotes for Fri Dec 20
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Fri Dec 20 01:31:12 1991
Date: Fri, 20 Dec 91 01:30:02 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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almow (None of your Beeswax):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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debbo (Deborah A Birnby):
debbie birnby
4711 university view place NE
seattle, wa 98105
206-526-8784
lab:
department of genetics, sk-50
university of washington
seattle, wa. 98195
email:
debbo@athena or
dbirn@genetics.washington.edu
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hooch (Conrad G. T. Yoder):
I will be leaving this God-forsaken place on 21 Dec 1991, only to return for
more punishment on 4 Jan 1992. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
Current Address: Parental Units:
Baker House Room 517 55178 T.R. 170
x5-7267 Fresno, OH 43824
18C/4 (614)545-6796
Quotes of the Week:
"It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone shorts."
- Kelly Allen
"The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that
rule when Jesus was born."
- Elayne Boosler
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jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
The Juror's Creed
I am a JUROR.
I am a seeker of truth.
I must listen carefully and with concentration to all of the evidence.
I must heed and follow the instructions of the Court.
I must respectfully and attentively follow the arguments of the
lawyers, dispassionately seeking to find and follow the silver thread
of truth through their conflicting assertions.
I must lay aside all bias and prejudice.
I must be led by my intelligence and not by my emotions.
I must respect the opinions of other jurors, as they must respect
mine, and in a spirit of tolerance and understanding must endeavor to
bring the deliverations of the jury to agreement upon a verdict;
but...
I must never assent to a verdict which violates the instructions of
the Court or which finds as a fact that which, under the evidence and
in my conscience, I believe to be untrue.
My verdict must do justice, for what is just is "true and righteous
altogether;" and when my term of jury service is ended, I must leave
it with my citizenship unsullied and my conscience clear.
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kenneths (Kenneth J. Schneider):
Address at Theta Chi: Address at Home:
528 Beacon Street 4005 Birdwell
Boston, MA 02215 Tyler, TX 75703
(617) 267-1801 ext. 142 (903) 581-0216
Last logged on Fri Dec 20 00:00:22 EST 1991 on host PHILIP-JOSE-FARMER .MIT.EDU
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kkyang (Keelan K Yang):
Keelan K. Yang
MIT '94
Course 3B: Material Science and Engineering Co-Op
Mailing address: 402 Marlborough St. E-Mail: kkyang@athena.mit.edu
Boston, MA 02115
Phone: (617) 247-9846
Office: 4-141
Phone: (617) 253-5297
Current involvement: * Delta Pi Fraternity
* Undergraduate Association (UA)
UA Council Steering Committee
UA Committee on Educational Policy - Chair
* Class of 1994 - Class Council
* Class of 1994 - Ring Selection Committee
Current Classes: 3.01, 3.081, 3.10, 14.01, 14.30
UROP: Electrochemical Vapor Deposition of Solid Oxide Films.
Prof. Uday B. Pal, DMSE
Classes Completed: 1.00, 3.00, 3.091, 3.13, 4.601, 8.01, 8.02, 15A02,
15.501, 18.01, 18.02, 18.03, 24.00
Schedule: HELL!
Motto: "What the Hell?!"
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rshuq (Rasekh S Huq):
to get a plan....
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
GBLRSH SMRZL, MOM 'N DAD
In Runequest III (Avalon Hill), two people from the same village,
speaking the same language, have a 1 in 3 chance of totally
misunderstanding each other.
from Murphy's Rules
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therese (Therese):
On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star
Like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are
How fragile we are..
-- Sting
Nothing Like the Sun
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warlord (Derek Atkins):
From: john@wpi.wpi.edu (John F Stoffel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: "I'm not here now..."
Keywords: computer, chuckle
Date: 18 Dec 91 11:30:06 GMT
I've censored out any irrelevant names or sensitive subjects (replaced by
<xxx>). This is great - and it even mentions Elvis!
Jeff
Subj: FWD: Top this for a watch-mail message
Subj: Top this for a watch-mail message
Subj: Auto Reply from Watch_Mail for 15-AUG-1991 17:30 to 3-SEP-1991 00:00
Steve cannot respond to your mail right now. He has been kidnapped by
space aliens and is being held on the planet Bmnifyl until our demands are
met. Although far too complex for mere humans to comprehend, the knowledge
Steve has acquired by porting <xxx> to <yyy> makes him invaluable throughout
the galaxy. Steve suggested that we use these primitive means to convey our
message to other Earthlings. Steve is being well-treated. We probed his
subconscious, his innermost fantasies, to find the ideal setting for Steve
while we await the Earth response to our demands. Although some of Steve's
fantasies were beyond our means to provide (and in some cases, to understand),
he seems quite content in his new setting.
Steve asked that we inform other Earthlings to contact <zzz> regarding
issues having to do with the <aaa> project. Contact <bbb> or <ccc> for other
emergencies. Contact <ddd> for membership to <eee>.
If the following 10 demands are met, Steve will be returned to his
office on Tuesday, September 3rd unharmed and well-rested. Otherwise, Steve's
knowledge will be used to improve the lives of billions of lifeforms
throughout the galaxy, all worshiping the ground he walks on, his every whim
and fancy turned immediately into reality. You see, simple Earthlings, we
can't lose. You have no chance against our superior intelligence. (By the way,
Steve wanted to add a few demands of his own to the list which we, of course,
denied).
Demands:
1. Elvis will be returned to us immediately!
2. Whoever has been mutilating cattle and making crop circles, cut it out!
We don't think it's funny anymore!
3. Immediately start rebroadcasting "Lost in Space." It was our favorite
T.V. show.
4. The staff of the Weekly World News will report back to the planet Bmnifyl
right away for violating the prime directive.
5. Everyone will immediately standardize on the VMS operating system, the
obvious choice of beings with higher intelligence, and stop using all those
other silly operating systems which have the entire rest of the galaxy
laughing behind your backs.
6. Each and every Earthling will consume hotdogs, baked beans, bananas, and
beer for one week while we conduct atmospheric studies on CO2 levels to
determine the validity of your so-called greenhouse effect and to
potentially take corrective measures (and don't think we won't enjoy
conducting this experiment).
7. You will decriminalize the following drugs immediately:
...Wait a minute, what was I talking about?
8. Dan Quayle will be given unconditional decision-making authority for NASA
and the U.S. space program.
9. Lighten up! You Earthlings take things way too seriously. Galactic
comedians are constantly poking fun at and imitating Earthlings:
[ With a straight face...]
Q: How many Earthlings does it take to change a gravitron belt?
A: One.
[ Roars of laughter rattle the space continuum ]
10. All so-called Yuppies will be rounded up in camps for our future
consumption (just provide them with baked brie, some wine, and a Wall
Street Journal to keep them entertained). We find these are the only
humans we can bring ourselves to eat.
/sdd (Steve DiPirro)
------- End of forwarded message -------
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line.
Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.
--- End of Central America ---
