[3932] in Central_America
New quotes for Tue Dec 17
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Tue Dec 17 01:28:58 1991
Date: Tue, 17 Dec 91 01:28:29 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
amgreene (Andrew Marc Greene):
And, from the noggin of David Tamkin:
We're pallid. We're puny.
We're cola-soaked and loony
from all afternoon e-
rasing code in disrepair.
We write with sledgehammers
and call ourselves programmers.
This indoor life just clamors
for some exercise and air.
We forge .acme.edloo as a valid net domain.
When mail you send
springs up on end
we titter and explain
that hey, we're no fakers.
The problem's Acme Acres.
It moves around and chucks our routing down the drain.
We see so acutely.
We state the stats astutely
and clutter dissolutely
alt.tv.tiny-toon.
We pan animations,
music, scripts, and stations,
credit truncations,
and phases of the moon.
Our programs post to sites throughout all heaven, earth, and hell.
It's immature;
are you still sure
you want to do this? Well,
you're geeky, you're goony,
and just like us you're loony.
It's TTA on Usenet! Come subscribe our group
and wade through all the poop.
David Tamkin PO Box 7002 Des Plaines IL 60018-7002 dattier@vpnet.chi.il.us
GEnie:D.W.TAMKIN CIS:73720,1570 MCIMail:426-1818 708 518 6769 312 693 0591
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
bjaspan (Barr3y Jaspan):
Selected-By: arf@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (The Nefarious Scotto)
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> When, where, how, why, and what?
>
> -Guillermo P.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Now, here, massive coronary, no grovelling, your imminent demise.
}
} -Oracle T.U.
-------
Animal kingdom is much simpler than ours... They only have four
catagories in which everything fits.
1) Things to eat.
2) Things to mate with.
3) Things to run away from.
4) Rocks.
Cats have an additional category: Things to sit on.
Dogs in an effort not to be any less than cats, also have
and additional category: Things to bark at.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
christ (Shih-Hung Li):
What plan? Begging someone to write it for me, maybe!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
cyrus (Cyrus Shaoul):
FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
eichin (Mark W. Eichin):
Seen on the net (at work):
Hell is being forced to live with your friends
for the rest of eternity
- Jean Paul Sartre
Sartre was probably wrong, but his mistake is understandable,
given that all his friends were french
- David Lister (Red Dwarf)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
jefft (Jeff Tang):
42 days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
kenneths (Kenneth J. Schneider):
Address at Theta Chi: Address at Home:
528 Beacon Street 4005 Birdwell
Boston, MA 02215 Tyler, TX 75703
(617) 267-1801 ext. 142 (903) 581-0216
Last logged on Mon Dec 16 01:35:39 EST 1991 on host gregory-benford .MIT.EDU
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
putput (Christopher E Putnam):
This term has ended. I have no plans except to plan next term
and go to Corbin's 11/11/11 party.....
Be back in Boston and back on Email approx 1/7/91.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
rnewman (Ron Newman):
Home: (617) 628-8895; 48 Kent St., Somerville MA 02143
Work: BBN, (617) 873-6339
To do whatever is necessary to prevent the re-election of George Bush.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
starflt (Derrick Kong):
GRAND MASTER OF FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS
In Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (first edition players handbook),
monks are described as "monastic aesthetics." While monks probably do
have a fine appreciation of beauty, it's more likely that the intended
description was "monastic ascetics."
from Murphy's Rules
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
therese (Therese):
You're looking at my plan? :) I'm honored :)
Will you zwrite me too?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
warlord (Derek Atkins):
Date: Mon, 16 Dec 91 6:30:3 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: creiman@ncsa.uiuc.edu (Charlie Reiman)
Subject: Future of Supercomputing
Keywords: computer, smirk
This text is entirely fictional. Any resemblence
to real world events is purely coincidental. Honest.
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Wow. Teraflops. You must be kidding."
"No. Our engineers pulled off magic on this one.
I don't have the specifics right now but they
claimed somewhere around 50 Teraflops per CPU."
"Fantastic. So how about i/o?"
"They worked some magic there, too. They claim
they can jack an external interface up into the
hundreds of gigabytes, with high reliability.
Loopback only, of course. They're having problems
finding anything that can match it to run tests."
"Great. Looks like we'll have old Seymour by the
balls om this one. Do you realize that we may
have the fastest computer line for the next
decade, even if we don't change anything? This is
excellent news. Do we have a test sight selected
yet?"
"Actually, we have an installed site right now.
They love the performance and the reliability.
They only have one minor complaint about the
hardware."
"Really. What seems to be the problem?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Blade UNIX v2 (bu2.scso.umi.edu)
For help, send email to consult@scso.umi.edu
login: jux6710a
Password:
Hello, jux6710a!
Last login from hedgehog.scso.umi.edu at Fri Sep 27 13:30:12 CDT 1991
You have new mail.
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a mail
Mail version SMI 4.0 Sat Oct 13 20:32:29 PDT 1990 Type ? for help.
"/usr/spool/mail/jux6710a": 1 message 1 new
U 1 joey@sdsc.utexas.edu Mon Aug 26 17:18 64/3904 You dork!
>N 1 machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18 16/667 It is your time.
& 2
Message 2:
From machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18:05 1991
Return-Path: <machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu>
Received: by bu2.scso.umi.edu (4.1/SCSO-4.1)
id AA00359; Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
From: machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu (The Machine)
Message-Id: <9109280118.AA00359@bu2.scso.umi.edu>
To: jux6710a@bu2.scso.umi.edu (Ulrich Jenson)
Subject: It is your time.
Status: R
Dear Ulrich.
This is the machine. As you are aware,
extraordinary hardware demands extraordinary
care.
You have the honor of being selected for this
months human sacrifice. Please put your affairs
in order. The time of the sacrifice will be Fri
Sep 13 00:00 1991. Please be prompt. Wear loose,
comfortable clothing.
Do not disappoint me.
& x
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man -k sacrifice
offer (2) - notify the system of a sacrifice
offering (8) - send a sacrifice to the hardware god
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man 8 offering
OFFERING(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS OFFERING(8)
NAME
offering - send a sacrifice to the FPU
SYNOPSIS
/usr/etc/offering [ -vma ] [ weight ]
DESCRIPTION
offering informs the system that a sacrifice is available
and should be consumed. To be properly offered to the FPU, a
conscious victim should be placed in the provided sacrifi-
cial wiring closet at midnight during the second Friday of
each month. Failure to provide the needed flesh will result
in degraded performance. Repeated failures to provide the
required resource will eventually result in a general system
failure of hellish proportions.
Performance will be improved if the sacrifice is of higher
quality. For example, here is a list of possible sacrifices
in their order of increasing desirability:
a Congressperson, chicken, goat, human male (tainted),
human male (virgin), human female (tainted), human
female (virgin), any user exceeding his/her disk quota
Unlisted lifeforms may also be acceptable, check with your
site administrator. Animals may never be surgically modified
in anyway.
OPTIONS
-v Specify that the sacrifice is a virgin. Default is
tainted. If you wish the sacrifice to be acknowledged
as a virgin, you must specify with this option or the
system will not check.
-m Specify that the sacrifice is a male. Default is
female. Unlike the -v option, the system will always
verify this flag. Always double check the gender of
your human sacrifices; the system does not appreciate a
lier.
-a Specify an animal sacrifice. Overrides both the -v and
-m options. Animals should only be substituted in times
of drastic emergency. Congresspersons may not be
offered as animals.
FILES
/var/adm/sctmp sacrifice accounting file
/dev/hell interface for outgoing sacrifices
/dev/altar interface to closet
SEE ALSO
offer(2), ac(8)
BUGS
It is critical to monitor the permissions to /dev/hell. They
should be root writable only at all times.
Should automagicly determine gender and virgin status of
sacrifice.
Current versions of the sacrificial wiring closet needs
extra sound shielding to muffle screams.
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man vacation
------------------------------------------------------------------
This text is orginal material. Permission to dupciate without
writen consent granted provided the following information is
left intact:
Author: Charlie Reiman
Date: Sept 1, 1991
creiman@ncsa.uiuc.edu
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
Please! No copyrighted stuff. Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
wchuang (Mithrandir):
Article 2949 (1 more) in rec.humor.funny (moderated):
Date: Mon, 16 Dec 91 6:30:3 EST
From: creiman@ncsa.uiuc.edu (Charlie Reiman)
Subject: Future of Supercomputing
Keywords: computer, smirk
This text is entirely fictional. Any resemblence
to real world events is purely coincidental. Honest.
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Wow. Teraflops. You must be kidding."
"No. Our engineers pulled off magic on this one.
I don't have the specifics right now but they
claimed somewhere around 50 Teraflops per CPU."
"Fantastic. So how about i/o?"
"They worked some magic there, too. They claim
they can jack an external interface up into the
hundreds of gigabytes, with high reliability.
Loopback only, of course. They're having problems
finding anything that can match it to run tests."
"Great. Looks like we'll have old Seymour by the
balls om this one. Do you realize that we may
have the fastest computer line for the next
decade, even if we don't change anything? This is
excellent news. Do we have a test sight selected
yet?"
"Actually, we have an installed site right now.
They love the performance and the reliability.
They only have one minor complaint about the
hardware."
"Really. What seems to be the problem?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Blade UNIX v2 (bu2.scso.umi.edu)
For help, send email to consult@scso.umi.edu
login: jux6710a
Password:
Hello, jux6710a!
Last login from hedgehog.scso.umi.edu at Fri Sep 27 13:30:12 CDT 1991
You have new mail.
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a mail
Mail version SMI 4.0 Sat Oct 13 20:32:29 PDT 1990 Type ? for help.
"/usr/spool/mail/jux6710a": 1 message 1 new
U 1 joey@sdsc.utexas.edu Mon Aug 26 17:18 64/3904 You dork!
>N 1 machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18 16/667 It is your time.
& 2
Message 2:
From machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18:05 1991
Return-Path: <machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu>
Received: by bu2.scso.umi.edu (4.1/SCSO-4.1)
id AA00359; Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
From: machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu (The Machine)
Message-Id: <9109280118.AA00359@bu2.scso.umi.edu>
To: jux6710a@bu2.scso.umi.edu (Ulrich Jenson)
Subject: It is your time.
Status: R
Dear Ulrich.
This is the machine. As you are aware,
extraordinary hardware demands extraordinary
care.
You have the honor of being selected for this
months human sacrifice. Please put your affairs
in order. The time of the sacrifice will be Fri
Sep 13 00:00 1991. Please be prompt. Wear loose,
comfortable clothing.
Do not disappoint me.
& x
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man -k sacrifice
offer (2) - notify the system of a sacrifice
offering (8) - send a sacrifice to the hardware god
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man 8 offering
OFFERING(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS OFFERING(8)
NAME
offering - send a sacrifice to the FPU
SYNOPSIS
/usr/etc/offering [ -vma ] [ weight ]
DESCRIPTION
offering informs the system that a sacrifice is available
and should be consumed. To be properly offered to the FPU, a
conscious victim should be placed in the provided sacrifi-
cial wiring closet at midnight during the second Friday of
each month. Failure to provide the needed flesh will result
in degraded performance. Repeated failures to provide the
required resource will eventually result in a general system
failure of hellish proportions.
Performance will be improved if the sacrifice is of higher
quality. For example, here is a list of possible sacrifices
in their order of increasing desirability:
a Congressperson, chicken, goat, human male (tainted),
human male (virgin), human female (tainted), human
female (virgin), any user exceeding his/her disk quota
Unlisted lifeforms may also be acceptable, check with your
site administrator. Animals may never be surgically modified
in anyway.
OPTIONS
-v Specify that the sacrifice is a virgin. Default is
tainted. If you wish the sacrifice to be acknowledged
as a virgin, you must specify with this option or the
system will not check.
-m Specify that the sacrifice is a male. Default is
female. Unlike the -v option, the system will always
verify this flag. Always double check the gender of
your human sacrifices; the system does not appreciate a
lier.
-a Specify an animal sacrifice. Overrides both the -v and
-m options. Animals should only be substituted in times
of drastic emergency. Congresspersons may not be
offered as animals.
FILES
/var/adm/sctmp sacrifice accounting file
/dev/hell interface for outgoing sacrifices
/dev/altar interface to closet
SEE ALSO
offer(2), ac(8)
BUGS
It is critical to monitor the permissions to /dev/hell. They
should be root writable only at all times.
Should automagicly determine gender and virgin status of
sacrifice.
Current versions of the sacrificial wiring closet needs
extra sound shielding to muffle screams.
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man vacation
------------------------------------------------------------------
This text is orginal material. Permission to dupciate without
writen consent granted provided the following information is
left intact:
Author: Charlie Reiman
Date: Sept 1, 1991
creiman@ncsa.uiuc.edu
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
Please! No copyrighted stuff. Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
--- End of Central America ---
