[3912] in Central_America
New quotes for Sat Dec 7
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Sat Dec 7 01:33:38 1991
Date: Sat, 7 Dec 91 01:33:13 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
ccount (Craig A Counterman):
The Armed Woman's Attitude Test
by Massad Ayoob
printed in "Women & Guns", Dec '91 issue
The media, both entertainment and news, have grotesquely skewed the
public image of women who choose to responsibly own firearms for
self-defense. Unfortunately, constant exposure to public image can
affect self-image. That can be dangerous, whether the result is a
woman who becomes anorexic or a woman who allows herself to be talked
out of exercising her absolute right to effective personal
pretoection.
This Armed Woman's Attitude Test is offered in the hopes of putting
some of the flase images into a proper perspective. Please circle A,
B, or C in answer to each question.
What is the real meaning of that pink T-shirt with a revolver on it
that says, "The ultimate in feminine preotection?"
A. Obviously a plot by seditious gun fanatics from the NRA.
B. Ultimate force equals ultimate personal pretection.
C. A 9mm for "light days" and a .44 Magnum for "heavy days.
For rape and assault prevention, a whistle is:
A. All you'll ever need.
B. Next to useless with nothing to back it up.
C. The signal to "Fire!"
The movie _Thelma_&_Louise_ was:
A. An insidious Hollywood plot to stamp out femininity and glorify
mindless violence by women.
B. A female buddy film that included allegories of empowerment.
C. A training film.
What was technically wrong with the scene in _Thelma_&_Louise_ where
the two women disarmed a Texas State Police Officer.
A. Real women would never do anything as tacky, tasteless, and
altogether gauche as pointing guns at a man, let alone taking his
icky, disgusting gun for their own use.
B. There is no Texas State Police per se, but rather a Department of
Public Safety that includes a Highway Patrol; they do not authorize
the .45 1911 auto for carry except by Texas Rangers; the ammo on the
officer's belt was revolver cartidges in single loops, not appropriate
auto pistol ammo in magazines.
C. The dumb broads left a perfectly good shotgun clamped to the
dashboards of the cruiser.
[D. it wasn't a Texas State Police Officer... --regis]
A mouse runs across the kitchen floor. The proper response it to:
A. Climb onto a high stool and scream for a man to help you.
B. Call the exterminator.
C. Link up the belt feed to the M-60.
You are discussing the depressing local crime statistics with your
good-hearted neighbot, Ralph, who suggests that you buy a .25 caliber
pistol for home defense. You reply:
A. "Never! A woman who buys a gun has humiliatingly surrendered to the
evil ethos of mindless macho sexist brute force!"
B. "An amusing suggestion, Ralph, but don't you think it's a little
light for the purpose?"
C. "Only to plant in the dead hand of the next little weasel stupid
enough to give me wimpy advice like that!"
What is your reaction to the concept of a bra holster?
A. "Yeech! It would be an obscene juxtaposition of the icon of death
with the sumbol of nurtuing!"
B. "Uncomfortable and impractical, designed by males for females."
C. "Not a bad idea, so long as it doesn't get in the way when you
reach for the MAC-10 submachinegun in your shoulder sling.
Define "male."
A. The first sullable of "malevolance," which in turn is only one
letter short of "male violence."
B. An individual of the opposite sex.
C. A quaint anachronism, once useful for protection of females, but
rendered obsolete by contemprory firepower.
Where, in the scheme of things defensive, do such spray products as
Mace and CapStun belong?
A. Nowhere! If you just show your attacker compassion and
understanding, you won't need nasty things like that.
B. At the lower-threat levels of the Use of Force Continuum.
C. In the medicine cabinet; real women use mace instead of Feminique.
You are cornered in your home by a knife-wielding intruder. he
ignores your command to halt, and charges you with the knife upraised.
How many shots should you fire?
A. None. It would be better to die than sacrifice moral victory by
using "his" kind of force.
B. As many shots as are necessary to stop the attack.
C. A minimum of fifty shots. Hey, when is the next time you'll get a
chance like this to express yourself, and get in touch with your
feelings?
Grading the Exam
If 8 or more (80 %) of your answers were "A," it is time to check into
a Reality Clinic. Perhaps the meek will inherit the earth, but only
when the rest of us are done with it.
If 8 or more of your answers were "B," welcome to the land of the
well-asdjusted adults who manage their own responsibilities with an
appropriate level of power.
If 8 or more of your answers were "C," don't feel too bad. Society
may not have a place for you, but Hollywood will, as soon as they
start casting for the lead role in _Bride_of_Rambo_.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
cyrus (Cyrus Shaoul):
I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
ebonyman (Matthew A. Phillips):
eventual hostile takeover of the entire planet
starting with your sister...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
O
O O | O O O O
| | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | |
\ \ \ \ | / / / /
\ \ \ \ | / / / /
\ \ \ \|/ / / /
\ \ \ | / / /
\ \ \_|_/ / /
\ \ | / /
\ \__|__/ /
\ | /
\___|___/
|
___|___
/ | \
===========
--
Writing two seven-page papers for a HASS class in fourteen hours is
not a fun thing.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
philliao (Phil Liao):
{From system: This user's .plan file is more than 10000 bytes long}
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
rlcarr (Richard L. Carreiro):
Ban neither guns nor drugs.
And if you really do want to ban guns, do it the honest way
by amending the Constitution, not by trying to pass ridiculous laws.
"...I will choose free will..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
sao (Andy Oakland):
From article 2194 in clari.news.urgent:
Asked about his approval rating, which two months ago hovered near 70
percent, Bush said: ``I don't believe in polls.''
...
As expected, Bush named a ``troika'' to run his re-election campaign:
Commerce Secretary Robert Mosbacher, pollster Robert Teeter, and
businessman Fred Malek.
...
Teeter will serve as chairman and chief political strategist.
------
Okay, call me a cynic, but isn't it a little strange that someone who
"doesn't believe in polls" has a pollster as campaign chairman?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
starflt (Derrick Kong):
Outre Magic Item #1
Rod of Rulership with 100 charges, will only work when submerged in the
blood of Cthulhu
from Murphy's Rules
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
warlord (Derek Atkins):
From: raymond@math.berkeley.edu (Raymond Chen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Biosphere 2, a step in a new direction
Keywords: chuckle
Date: 6 Dec 91 00:30:05 GMT
From Christopher Blinden, via Herb Caen's newspaper column in `The San
Francisco Chronicle', 4 October 1991:
So four men and four women have sealed themselves off inside
Biosphere 2. No contraceptives are allowed and if a woman gets
pregnant she's expelled. This is progress? Sounds more like
high school in the 1950s.
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
If you mail to original@clarinet.com, it makes sure that your joke is tagged
as your original work, and thus eligible for the RHF comedy awards. Always
attribute the source of a joke, whether it's you, or somebody else.
--- End of Central America ---
