[3291] in Central_America
New quotes for Tue Mar 19
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Tue Mar 19 01:28:01 1991
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 91 01:27:30 EST
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
belville (Sharon Belville):
NCAA Basketball Tournament Sweet 16
EAST (at East Rutherford, NJ, March 22 and 24)
UNC(1)__________
\___________
E.Michigan(12)__/ \
\______________
Oklahoma St(3)__ / \
\___________/ \
Temple(7)_______/ \
\
SOUTHEAST (at Charlotte, NC, March 21 and 23) \___________
/
Arkansas(1)_____ /
\___________ /
Alabama(4)______/ \ /
\______________/
Kansas(3)_______ /
\___________/
Indiana(2)______/
WEST (at Seattle, Wash, March 21 and 23)
UNLV(1)_________
\___________
Utah(4)_________/ \
\______________
Seton Hall(3)___ / \
\___________/ \
Arizona(2)______/ \
\
MIDWEST (at Pontiac, Mich, March 22 and 24) \___________
/
Ohio State(1)___ /
\___________ /
St John's(4)____/ \ /
\______________/
UConn(11)_______ /
\___________/
Duke(2)_________/
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
blade (Edward Min Lee):
Yes, yes, yes. I have a world writable .anyone file. Whose name might
I find in it tomorrow?
(mcdonald: in reference to your question in my .anyone file: sure, why
not? It was 179 people before.)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
boogles (Brian K Zuzga):
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
-Lazarus Long
When people are asleep
We must all become alarm clocks.
-Jello Biafra
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
eichin (Mark W. Eichin):
Plan? Lots of plans. Even more lists. Here's a list of plans.
to have a reason to bother to go home and sleep.
to go from a Phil Collins mood to an America mood, before I end up taking
refuge in a Roger Waters mood.
to find someone to go SHOPPING with. [... Charge! ... 8-) ]
to have access to all of the information on the net. ALL of it. WAIS, para,
zbrowser, and "The Integrated Reader" are the first strike tools. (the modern
renaissance man can't work in real time without tools...)
to reduce, with flamethrowers, the amount of brain damage in the world.
to stop gratuitously saying "not even a little bit".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
higgy (James Higginbotham):
I will be away from Wednesday 3/20 through Tuesday 4/2.
--Jim
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
Article: 2299 of rec.humor.funny
Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!apple!decwrl!looking!funny-request
From: md@marvin.hq.ileaf.com (Mark Dionne x5551)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels
Keywords: funny, science
Message-ID: <S242.35d3@looking.on.ca>
Date: 18 Mar 91 00:30:04 GMT
Lines: 106
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels
by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky
As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend
towards legislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings
on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must
also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-
intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary
in this important area. This is especially true in light of the
findings of 20th century physics.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we
join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate
the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the
packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of
America. Our suggested list of warnings appears below.
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the
Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a
Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely
Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent
of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically
Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred
Million Miles Per Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is
Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both
Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That,
Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spon-
taneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at
Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's
Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any
Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested
Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles
Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within
the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This
Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic
Explosion Will Result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in
Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in
the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the
Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to
the Heat Death of the Universe.
NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held
Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known
and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found
Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product
Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer May
Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-
Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This
Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable
to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions
Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot
Be Detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When
the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May
Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined
State.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons,
Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in
Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other
Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be
Expressed or Implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product,
Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its
Velocity Relative to the User.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe,
Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an
Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently
Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot
Be Guaranteed.
(The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of
The Journal of Irreproducible Results.
Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc.
3 Cambridge Center, Cambridge MA 02141
Individual US Subscriptions $12.00
Reproduced with permission.)
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
If you post instead of mailing, it screws up the reply-address sometimes.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
koma (The Animal):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
lnp (Lisa N Paradis):
In the future:
6.033 case study due Tuesday (3/19)
1.101 experiment stuff due Thursday (3/21)
March 22 -- SPRING BREAK!!!
(house hunting, plant trips, etc)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words-n-stuff for the day:
As to Jesus of Nazareth...I think the system of Morals and his Religion,
as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see;
but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have,
with most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts as to his
divinity.
- Benjamin Franklin
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
mdtsai (May D Tsai):
just do the damn thing, and get it done...>:-I
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
ochen (Oliver Chen):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
rfpowers (Robert F Powers):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
rlcarr (Richard L. Carreiro):
[this is such a good song...]
You got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend.
When I was down, you just stood there grinning.
You got a lot of nerve to say you got a helping hand to lend.
You just want to be on the side that's winning.
You say I let you down, you know it's not like that.
If you're so hurt, why then don't you show it?
You say you lost your faith, but that's not where it's at.
You have no faith to lose, and you know it.
I know the reason that you talk behind my back.
I used to be among the crowd you're in with.
Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide what he don't know to begin with?
You see me on the street, you always act surprised.
You say, "How are you, good luck," but you don't mean it.
When you know as well as me you'd rather see me paralyzed,
Why don't you just come out once and scream it?
No, I do not feel that good when I see the heartbreaks you embrace.
If I was a master thief perhaps I'd rob them.
And though I know you're dissatisfied with your position and your place,
Don't you undertand? It's not my problem.
I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes,
And just for that one moment I could be you.
Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes.
You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
"Positively 4th Street"
Bob Dylan
----------------------
[hey, so I watched "Animato" to cheer me up....so sue me]
Every day when the work is behind you
And the shop and the store put the lock on the door.
Just get away where your worries won't find you
If you like, well I'll tell you more.
Don't let the day get the better of you
When the evening comes there's so much to do.
You'd better put on your vest and wear a smile
Just come along with me a while.
Cuz I tell you:
I know a place where the music is fine
And the lights are always low.
I know a place where we can go.
At the door there's a man who will greet you
Then you go downstairs to some tables and chairs
Soon, I'm sure you'll be tapping your feet
Because the beat is the greatest there.
All around there are girls and boys,
It's a swinging place, a cellar full of noise
It's got an atmosphere of its own somehow
You gotta come along right now,
Cuz I tell you:
I know a place where the music is fine
And the lights are always low.
I know a place where we can go.
Well, all around there are girls and boys,
It's a swinging place, a cellar full of noise
It's got an atmosphere of its own somehow
You gotta come along right now,
Cuz I tell you:
I know a place where the music is fine
And the lights are always low.
I know a place where we can go.
I know a place where we can go.
I know a place where the lights are low.
You're gonna love this place I know.
I know a place where we can go.
I know a place where the lights are low.
You're gonna love this place I know.
"I Know A Place"
Petula Clark
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
therese (Suntioinen Therese M.):
Oh freddled gruntbuggly... Thy micturations are to me/ As
plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee. Groop, I implore
thee, my foonting turlingdromes. And hooptiously drangle
me with crinkly bindlewurdles,/ Or I will rend thee in the
gobberwarts with my blurdlecrungeon, see if I don't!
- Vogon Jeltz
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
yandros:
Ozymandias
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on those lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
-Percy Bysshe Shelley-
=======================================================================
|yandros@ATHENA.MIT.EDU |
| Incarnation of Indescision, at least for now... |
|Chad Phillip Brown |
|East Campus Box 11 'And I heard him proclaim, |
|3 Ames Street as he flew out of sight, |
|Cambridge, Massachusetts "Merry Christmas to all |
| 02139 and May the Force Be With You!!!" |
|Munroe 504 -225-6504 |
=======================================================================
--- End of Central America ---
