[2950] in Central_America
Re: religion and computers
cuban@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (cuban@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Wed Nov 28 16:47:50 1990
While we're on the subject of religion and computers, here's an
article from the fall 1990 issue of sourcebook that you might find
amusing.
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Divine Comedy
by Dan Gutman
Saint $ilicon Reaches the Promised LAN
"Has your data been saved?" shouts Saint $ilicon from his
pulpit. "I want to ask you, friends, has your data been saaaved?"
It is just moments into the sermon, but women are already
swooning. Men are openly weeping. Computer programmers are
tittering. Saint $ilicon kneels in prayer . . . .
"Give us this day our daily data, and forgive us our I/O
errors, as we forgive those whose logic circuits are faulty. Deliver
us from power surges. Yea, though I commute to the Valley each day, I
fear no evil, for my Mazda is running. ASCII to ASCII and DOS to DOS.
Jeffry Armstrong, a.k.a. Saint $ilicon, probably isn't the
first guy to dream of chucking his boring life, forming a religion,
and being worshiped. But he may be the first sales manager of a
Fortune 500 company to actually do it.
Six years ago Armstrong, then 37, left a comfy marketing
career at Apple Computer for the comedy circuit. He didn't have a
chip on his shoulder --- he taped one to his forehead.
Armstrong likes to say that is alter ego was born on the night
of October 31, 1984. Armstrong was sitting at his Macintosh when a
bolt of lightning struck the satellite dish on the roof of his house.
He blacked out, and when he returned to consciousness, the Keyboard
Prayer ("Our program who art in memory, HELLO be thy name. . . .")
appeared on the screen. Saint $ilicon's been the papal parody of
perpetual punnery ever since.
Though Saint $ilicon performs "circuitcisions" and "bar-code
mitzvahs" for free, he accepts "donations" of $2,000 to $3,000 to
perform a one-hour comedy shtick that lays 'em in the aisles at
conventions and sales meetings. He also hawks bumper stickers,
posters, plastic statues, and his book "The Binary Bible of Saint
$ilicon" (translated from the original Geek) to the faithful.
"My job is to help people have a flexible mind when dealing
with computer reality," Armstrong says, stepping out of character.
"It's not technology but the mindless use of it that Saint $ilicon is
confronting."
So far, Saint $ilicon, Inc. (yes, he's a corporation) is doing
just fine. His Church of Heuristic Information Processing (CHIP) has
its own imaginary high school (Our Lady of Perpetual Upgrades) and Ten
Commandments ("Honor thy hardware and thy software," "Thou shalt not
violate the integrity of thy neighbor's data base," "Remember the
staff meeting and keep it holy"). Recently the good saint has
broadened his message to dabble in philosophical issues ("If a hard
disk crashes and no one's around, is any data lost?") and even
sexuality ("PCness envy is the fear that someone else's computer has
more RAM than yours").
Saint $ilicon ran for president of the United States in 1988,
representing the Technocratic Party and advocating the "hunt-and-peck"
method of salvation. Despite his disappointing showing (he received
1001 votes), he continues to preach to those with a "terminal illness"
and to those who aspire to Nerdvana." But mostly he preaches to those
who pay his nightly fee plus expenses, because, as Saint $ilicon puts
it, "Information becomes money."
