[2797] in Central_America
New quotes for Thu Oct 11
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Thu Oct 11 01:36:17 1990
Date: Thu, 11 Oct 90 01:35:36 EDT
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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bauhaus (Bilal A. Khan):
Now you see that the hope and the desire of returning home
and to your former state is like the moth to the light,
and that the man who with constant longing awaits with
joy each new spring, each new summer, each new month, new
year -- deeming that the things he longs for are ever too
late in coming -- does not perceive that he is longing for
his own destruction. But this longing is the very
quintessence, the spirit of the elements, which finding
itself imprisoned with the soul is ever longing to return
from the human body to its giver. And you must know that
this same longing is that quintessence, inseperable from
nature, and that man is the image of the world.
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caw (Catherine A Womack):
home address: 23 William St.
Cambridge, MA 02139
Home phone: 868-9062
electronic mail address: caw@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
"Somebody was saying to Picasso that he ought to make pictures of things
the way they are-- objective pictures. He mumbled that he wasn't quite
sure what that would be. The person who was bullying him produced a
photograph of his wife from his wallet and said, "there, you see, that
is a picture of how she really is." Picasso looked at it and said, "
She is rather small isn't she? and flat?"
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debbo (Deborah A Birnby):
i'm gonna drop out of school...
go to california...
grow my hair...
stop shaving my legs...
wander around barefoot...
and be a hippie....
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garner (Robin Garner):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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horiuchi (Junjiro Horiuchi):
"Wagahai wa neko de aru"
Logged out last from M16-034-14 at Wed Oct 10 14:34:53 EDT 1990.
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jcb (Jeff Bigler):
The result of fortune | jive | deutsch | valspeak | zwrite -i doctor:
Instance Doctor
from doctor <UNAUTHENTIC> on FRUMIOUS-BANDERSNATCH.MIT.EDU at 19:39:00
jcb:
Really, if it vuz so, fer shure, it might be; und if it vuz so, like,
wow, it vould be; but as it isn't, oh, baby, it ain't?
Can you elaborate on that?
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jdmarko (Jim D.):
Hey!
Join ACUG, the Athena Christian Users Group!
Send me mail, and I'll add you to the list!
-------------------------------
* I wonder why you've fingered me. I hope I didn't say something rude...
;)
* Check out my new alternative to "lpr"
It's in /mit/jdmarko/com/print
* History of my logins is in /mit/jdmarko/.login.history
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johnnyp (Johnny Piscitello):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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kagraves (Kenneth A Graves):
"Is the glass half-full or -empty," I ask her as I fill it.
She said, "It doesn't really matter, pretty soon you're bound to spill it."
--Emily Saliers, Indigo Girls
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lavin (Anne R LaVin):
As part of the formal government proposal process, bidders are allowed
to ask a questions about the specifications prior to submitting the
final draft of their proposals.
Part of the Response to Questions on a recent Request for Proposal
for a new computer system for one of our illustrious Armed Forces
contained the following:
Question 282: Why a 6 foot cable for external floppy drive?
Repsonse: So that the external floppy drive can be placed at a distance
of 6 feet from the [computer]...
*sigh*
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mkossuth (Marybeth Kossuth):
To pass freshman year...
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rei (Cynic):
Stay up all night for physics, physics, and more physics.
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sosostre:
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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wchuang (Mithrandir):
From bloom-beacon!mit-eddie!wuarchive!decwrl!looking!funny-request Wed Oct 10 16:57:53 EDT 1990
Article: 1915 of rec.humor.funny
Path: bloom-beacon!mit-eddie!wuarchive!decwrl!looking!funny-request
Message-id: <S1a1.5b7@looking.on.ca>
Date: Mon, 8 Oct 90 3:20:10 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: weber@natasha.cs.uiuc.edu (Daniel Elvis Weber)
Subject: Cpt. Picard & The Borg (Finale?)
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
Keywords: topical, usenet, smirk, original
I mailed my friend Brandon Lovestead a copy of the story written by
sobleski@psuvax1.cs.psu.edu about "Captain Picard Encounters the Borg"
(a parody in which the Borg are related to USENET). He decided that he
could not wait for the season premier nor the completion of the story by
the author, so he wrote his own ending to the story. I thought it
was amusing, and figured that since there has been no posted conclusion,
you might consider this ending.
For Brandon Lovestead,
Daniel Weber
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RIKER: We have no choice now. Data retrieve that old file on recursion
Jordi wrote when he was pissed off at our sysop.
DATA: At once. What does that file do?
RIKER: I'll tell you when it happens.
WORF: Borg initiating talk...shall we establish connection?
RIKER: Yeah, why not.... but use _all_lowercase_, Lieutenant!
Lt.Yar: That should confuse them even further!
DATA: I have retrieved that file, Commander, it has a README document
with it, and a warning...
Shall I read it?
RIKER: No! The Borg might be monitoring our session. Put the file up on
the Captain's chair terminal...all lower case.
JORDI: I am reading some strange memory errors, Commander! They seem to
be i/o problems primarily. I think the Borg are trying to remote
login to our computer.
RIKER: Good! They're doing what I want them to! Worf, send a uuencoded
message over the talk connection, and rot13 it.
WORF: But Commander, uuencode over talk? What should I send them?
RIKER: Send them anything big...send them all the man pages for System V.
WORF: Yessir.
DATA: What do you intend to do with that recursion file, Commander?
RIKER: I am going to amend it, then offer it on a golden platter to them.
RIKER BEGINS TO REPROGRAM THE FILE
DATA: Ah. A trojan horse. A deception. A program designed to...
RIKER: Yes, Data!
JORDI: Commander, they have almost established a remote login...they have
almost guessed the password...Data's favorite complex number!
RIKER: There, finished. Data, transfer my file to the main computer's bin
directory, and change the name to "SystemShutdown".
DATA [click-beep] Done, sir.
JORDI: They did it, sir, the Borg are now searching the root. They are ftp-
ing some files. Hey, what's SystemShutdown? There's no such...
RIKER: Jordi, remember when you wrote that program to get back at Lieutenant
Foster?
JORDI: You mean the one that spawns shells recursively?
RIKER: That's the one. I just sent it to the Borg...
WORF: Commander, the Borg are demanding better documentation....wait...
I am reading a surge in power in their main computer.
Lt.YAR: Confirmed sir. It is progressing at an almost geometric rate.
They are swapping out pages like crazy....
DATA: At this rate, they should be unable to process anything beyond the
highest level of interrupt...
RIKER: Exactly...only a reset!
WORF: Commander, it appears they...it can't be...they've dumped their entire
core, but it can't find a place in memory.....system shutdown
has occurred! They are defenseless!
RIKER: Yes! Little did they know it was _their_ system shutdown that I
label the file for! We should have the Captain back anytime.
POOF! PICARD APPEARS ON THE BRIDGE
PICARD: What happened Number one?
RIKER: You were captured by the Borg, and brainwashed, sir.
PICARD: Indeed. Why am I here, though?
RIKER: We allowed them to ftp a recursive shell-spawning program into their
computers. Once they had to dump their core, it was just a matter
of time before you had to be swapped out back to the Enterprise.
PICARD: But, Commander, did it ever occur to you that I could've been swapped
elsewhere, say, to tapedrive?
RIKER: Yes, but I was willing to take the risk, sir.
PICARD: Willing to...
WORF: Captain the Borg are requesting talk...
PICARD: Acknowledge, Lieutenant.
WORF: Should I continue in uuencode and rot13?
PICARD: What the hell...?
RIKER: Discontinue that, Mr.Worf, resume normal ascii.
WORF: Aye, sir.
PICARD: This is Captain Picard. We have disabled your computers entirely,
how are you communicating?
BORG: WE ARE USINH^HG A HAZELTINW^HE 1500. THIS IS FUTILE! WE WILL LEAVE.
BUT WE WILL REFURN!
RIKER: "Refurn," sir?
PICARD: I don't know, Number One, perhaps they will come back as plants.
Maybe corn, or perhaps....kernels...
Mr.Crusher, take us out of here, warp 5.
THE END...?
-bgl
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--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need a reply, submit to rhf@looking.on.ca instead.
--- End of Central America ---
