[2366] in Central_America
New quotes for Fri Apr 20
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Fri Apr 20 01:33:49 1990
Date: Fri, 20 Apr 90 01:33:13 EDT
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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alchen (Alice L Chen):
Manywhere and Neverywhere
by Sam Jones
Prologue
I was in the kitchen when the thought came into my head. It came
out of nowhere, and it walked into the pantheon of my brain without doing
so much as wiping its feet.
"Jacob Johannes Stark," the thought said, "You have to kill
yourself."
My other thoughts looked away in embarrassment, and this one
thought had its way.
That's what it felt like. It didn't feel like mind control. There
was no cold hand moving my mind under a storm of protest. It was just a
thought which popped into my head which I didn't bother to stop.
Under the guidance of this thought, I went to my silverware drawer
to get a gun.
Now one of my other thoughts said that this was no good; there was
no gun in the silverware drawer. The only thing in a silverware drawer
is silverware.
The suicidal thought suggested that I should open the drawer and
look, and none of my thoughts could think of a reason not to look.
0 I opened the drawer.
"There," the suicidal thought said, "I told you there was a gun in
the drawer."
"That looks more like a fork," another thought countered.
"Then I shouldn't be able to shoot myself with it, should I?" the
suicidal thought baited.
"No," the other thought answered.
I picked up what was either a gun or a fork, and I put what was
either a barrel or a set of prongs to my temple.
I either shot myself with what was a gun or scraped myself with
what was a fork.
The suicidal thought beamed triumphantly, "There, it was a gun!"
The other thoughts muttered irresolutely.
"We're dead aren't we?" the suicidal thought complained.
The murmur of the thoughts grew louder, until one of them said,
"Forks don't kill people; people kill people."
"Forks don't kill hors d'oeuvres," another thought shouted, "Small,
pointed pieces of wood do!"
"Listen," the suicidal thought commanded, "If I feel the side of my
head, and it's got a large hole in it, then I've shot myself."
The thoughts all agreed to that, and I felt the side of my head,
and there was a ragged hole there.
"See," the suicidal thought said, "There's the skull; here's the
dura matter and the pia matter..."
"I think it's pia matter and then dura matter," another thought
interrupted.
"I don't think I'm dead," another thought added in, "I'm still
standing, aren't I?"
The suicidal thought walked off in disgust.
I put what was either a gun or a fork in my pocket. I then wiped
the side of my head with what was definitely a towel and sat on what was
definitely a floor.
For the rest of the story, please contact me at alchen@athena.mit.edu or
sajones@carina.unm.edu
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celine (Robert Fullmer):
Probable-Possible, my black hen,
She lays eggs in the Relative When.
She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now
Because she's unable to postulate how.
-- Frederick Winsor
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ckclark (Calvin Clark):
Zweierlei will der echte Mann: Gefahr und Spiel.
Deshalb will er das Weib --- als das
gefaehrlichste Spielzeug.
(The real man wants two things: danger and play.
Therefore, he wants woman --- as the most
dangerous plaything.)
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (Also Sprach Zarathustra)
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dschmidt (Dan'l Schmidt):
I've always wanted to have my own PBS cooking show, entitled
"Make It From Scratch, You Idiot". In this show, I would
hold up a sample pre-prepared food product (cake-mix-in-a-box,
pitiful chocolate chip cookies), insult it for a few minutes,
then proceed to make one about 500 times better with minimal
effort, minimal cooking skills, and about 1/10 the money.
- C J Silverio
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jdmarko (Jim D.):
A host is a host from coast to coast
And no one will talk to a host that's close
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead.
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jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
Mary Mary a pretty lass,
Stood in the water up to her ankles.
(It doesn't rhyme now but it will when the tide comes in.)
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mar (Mark A. Rosenstein):
Cursin' the weather is mighty poor farming.
- Believable Afro-american Proverb
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paul (Paul Boutin):
Have you heard about the new objected-oriented
mainframe programming language, ADD_ONE_TO_COBOL?
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ppark (Pyongwan Park):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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wchuang (Mithrandir):
"I haven't sold one tractor all month", a tractor salesman tells his
friend. "That's nothing compared to my problem", his buddy replies.
"I was milking my cow when it's tail whips around and hits me in the
forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied it's tail up to the
rafters. Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with
it's right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie it's one leg up to
the rafters. I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in
the head with it's left hind leg, so I tie it's other leg up to the
rafters. Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can
convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor
off ya".
--- End of Central America ---
