[2322] in Central_America
New quotes for Mon Apr 2
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Mon Apr 2 01:32:13 1990
Date: Mon, 2 Apr 90 01:31:31 EDT
From: root@CHARON.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@BLOOM-BEACON.MIT.EDU
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celine (Robert Fullmer):
Eggnog is a traditional holiday drink invented by the English. Many
people wonder where the word "eggnog" comes from. The first syllable
comes from the English word "egg", meaning "egg". I don't know where
the "nog" comes from.
To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine, gin, and, if they are in
season, eggs...
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cjfishbu (Jack Napier):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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dresnick (David I Resnick):
Office: Home: Tang Hall
550 Memorial Drive #14E3
Cambridge, MA 02139 Cambridge, MA 02139
(617) 253-3045 (617) 225-2784
E-mail: dresnick@athena.mit.edu
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jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
There are three umpires on the baseball diamond -- one of them is a
physicist, one is an engineer and one is a mathematician. There is a
close play at home plate and all three umpires call the man out. The
manager runs out of the dugout and asks each umpire why the man was
called out.
The physicist says, "He's out because I calls 'em as I sees 'em."
The engineer says, "He's out because I calls 'em as they are."
And the mathematician says, "He's out because I called him out!"
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kuo (Junghua Kuo):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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mjhostet (Mat J Hostetter):
Jesus saves sinners...and redeems them for valuable cash prizes!
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montreal (It's just Toby):
The Critical Curmudgeon (part two)
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One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell by
Dickens without laughing.
-- Oscar Wilde --
He festooned the dung heap on which he had placed
himself with sonnets as people grow honeysuckle
around outdoor privies.
-- Quentin Crisp on Oscar Wilde --
He became mellow before he became ripe.
-- Alexander Woollcott
on Christopher Morley --
Bernard Shaw has no enemies but is intensely
disliked by his friends.
-- Oscar Wilder --
It is his life work to announce the obvious in terms of the scandalous.
-- H.L.Mencken on G.B.Shaw --
Mr. Shaw is (I suspect) the only man on earth who
has never written any poetry.
-- G.K.Chesterton --
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norm (Wayne M Miller):
``Heinrich, er macht es schon wieder.''
``So was willst du mir tun?''
``Aber jeden Tag!''
``So lass ihm! Lass ihm!''
``Transylvania naechsten! Jeder aussteigen fuer
Transylvania! Transylvania naechsten! Jeder
aussteigen fuer Transylvania!''
``Pardon me, boy... is this the Transylvania station?''
``Ja, ja, track tventy-nine. Oh, can I give you a shine?''
``Uh... no thanks.''
- from _Young Frankenstein_
``If we can't laugh at the walking dead,
then who can we laugh at?''
- John Larroquette
``I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman
I love... and I won't be back for ten minutes!''
- Homer Simpson
``Oh, no. I've been disemboweled by a samurai.
Quick, someone get me a washcloth!''
- Kevin Marsh
``Forumnet is the opiate of the masses.''
- myself
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rlcarr (Animato):
Karn Evil 9, according to the lyrics with the CD:
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First impression:
Cold and misty morning, I heard a warning borne in the air
About an age of power where no one had an hour to spare
Where the seeds have withered, silent children shivered in the cold
Now their faces captured in the lenses of the jackals for gold.
I'll be there, I'll be there, I will be there.
Suffering in silence, they've all been betrayed.
They hurt them and they beat them, in a terrible way.
Praying for survival at the end of the day.
There is no compassion for those who stay.
I'll be there, I'll be there, I will be there.
There must be someone who can set them free:
To take their sorrow from this odyssey
To help the helpless and the refugee
To protect what's left of humanity.
Can't you see, can't you see, can't you see.
I'll be there, I'll be there, I will be there.
To heal their sorrow,
To beg and borrow,
Fight tomorrow.
/**/
Step inside! Hello! We've the most amazing show.
You'll enjoy it all we know,
Step inside! Step inside!
We've got thrills and shocks, supersonic fighting cocks.
Leave your hammers at the box
Come inside! Come inside!
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!
Left behind the bars, rows of Bishops' heads in jars
and a bomb inside a car.
Spectacular! Spectacular!
If you follow me there's a speciality
some tears for you to see.
Misery, misery.
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!
Next upon the bill in our house of Vaudeville
We've a stripper in a till
What a thrill! What a thrill!
And not content with that, with our hands behind our backs,
We pull Jesus from a hat,
Get into that! Get into that!
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!
Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
We're so glad you could attend
Come inside! Come inside!
There behind the glass is a real blade of grass
be careful as you pass.
Move along! Move along!
Come inside, the show's about to start,
Guaranteed to blow your head apart.
Rest assured you'll get your money's worth,
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell, or Earth.
You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo,
You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll...
Right before your eyes we pull laughter from the skies.
And he laughs until he cries, then he dies, then he dies.
Come inside, the show's about to start.
Guaranteed to blow your head apart.
You gotta see the show! It's a dynamo!
You gotta see the show! It's rock and roll!
[interlude]
Soon the Gypsy Queen in a glaze of Vaseline
Will perform on guillotine.
What a scene! What a scene!
Next upon the stand will you please extend a hand
to Alexander's Ragtime Band.
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!
Performing on a stool we've a sight to make you drool:
Seven virgins and a mule.
Keep it cool! Keep it cool!
We would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown
were exclusively our own,
All our own, All our own.
Come and see the show!
Come and see the show!
Come and see the show!
See the show!
Third Impression:
Man alone, born of stone,
Will stamp the dust of time.
His hands strike the flame of his soul;
Ties a rope to a tree and hangs the Universe
Until the wind of laughter blows cold.
Fear that rattles in men's ears
And rears its hideous head
Dread...death....in the wind...
Man of steel pray and kneel
With fever's blazing torch
Thrust into the face of the night;
Draws a blade of compassion
Kissed by countless Kings
Whose jewelled trumpet words blind his sight.
Walls that no man thought would fall
The altars of the just
Crushed...Dust....in the wind...
No man yields who flies in my ship
DANGER!
Let the bridge computer speak.
STRANGER!
LOAD YOU PROGRAM. I AM YOURSELF.
No computer stands in my way
Only blood can cancel my pain
Guardians of a new, clear dawn
Let the maps of war be drawn.
/**/
Rejoice! Glory is ours!
Our young men have not died in vain,
Their graves need no flowers,
The tapes have recorded their names.
I am all there is
NEGATIVE! PRIMITIVE! LIMITED! I LET YOU LIVE!
But I have you life
WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?
To do what was right
I'M PERFECT! ARE YOU?
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An article from rec.music.misc about this song (written by
davew@cis.ohio-state.edu):
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The first impression is about a futuristic archeological ex-
pedition showing the remains and relics of the human race: hence
the lines like "And a bomb inside a car spectacular! spectacular!" and
"Performing on a stool, we've a sight to make you drool: seven virgins
on a mule; keep it cool! Keep it cool!" Lake is singing the role of
ringmaster of this expedition/circus show.
The instrumental second impression bridges the future and the
past; the 2nd represents the journey back into the past to discover how
the human race destroyed itself.
The 3rd impression is of course, easiest to understand. The
human race made a computer which thought it was so perfect that it had
to destroy human life to maintain perfection. This is the past which
lead to the scenes in the 1st impression.
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(now you know why my news directory is 1.4 megabytes _after_ I cleaned
it out)
--[2117]-- (pref = [2106])
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wchuang (Mithrandir):
SCENE: The San Diego Zoo, way at the back on Hoof and Horn Mesa,
where they have all the huge enclosures for things like African Goats.
The exact scene, in fact, is the African Goat enclosure, which goes over
the top of the canyon and part way down the other side. In fact the
goats, at the moment, are all over the top and out of sight. The only
four beings in sight are Our Hero, a very cruel man, who is looking
absentmindedly at A Rabbit, which is munching unconcernedly toward the
front of the enclosure, and A Grandmother, just arriving with her
Grandson.
The grandmother comes up to the rail and looks into the
enclosure, patently ignoring the sign that says "African Goats".
Grandmother: "Oh, Jimmy, look at the cute little bunny!"
Man: (inspired, sidles up to Grandmother): "Lady, that's no
'cute little bunny'! That thing is the infamous Scottish Killer
Rabbit!"
Grandmother: "What?"
Man: "You bet. It's very rare. There are only three of those
things in captivity: this one, the one in St. Louis, and the one in
London."
Grandmother: (eating it all up) "You don't say!"
Man: (warming to his subject) "Absolutely. Up until about twenty
years ago it was supposed to be mythical. People disappeared on the
moors all the time, of course, but none were ever captured. They sent
expedition after expedition out to catch one, but either no one came
back, or one zoologist out of four would return. Those things are
deadly!"
Grandmother: (looking aghast at the 'cute little bunny') "Oh, DEAR!"
Now, the fellow thought maybe he'd taken this as far as it could
go. If he spun it out any more, even this innocent little old lady
would tumble to the truth. But then something happened which was enough
to make one believe that there is indeed a Higher Power which takes a
hand in mortal affairs: the herd of African Goats came over the top of
the hill.
Man: (inspired) "Oh, look! It's feeding time!"
The grandmother grabbed her grandson and fled before the carnage
could begin.
----------------------------------------------------
There was once a very influential farmer in an obscure part of China.
He had a problem, for which he sought the counsel of the two wise men in
town. So he summons the two wise men, Hing, who is an scientist, and
Ming, who is a sorcerer, and requests that they find a cure for his
chickens who are losing their feathers and dying.
Hing decides to pay a visit to his mentor at the Agricultural Extension
of the local Community College, under whom he studied many years ago.
The mentor recommends the book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know
About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask". So Hing visits the
library, borrows the book, and finds inside the report of a study that
finds that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is
often a cure for chickens losing their feathers.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise
men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards. He also tries to read the
entrails of a fetal pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old
standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, he decides that
an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.
On the appointed day, at the appointed time, and at the appointed place,
the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming
reports "As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum
tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens." Hing agrees, saying "Four
out of five ornithologists recommend sugarless infusions of gum tree
leaves for their chickens who lose their feathers." The influential
Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a
single mind.
He decides to carry out their advice, and it does not succeed. The
moral of this story is "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken
couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."
--- End of Central America ---
