[2263] in Central_America
New quotes for Thu Mar 8
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Thu Mar 8 01:36:26 1990
Date: Thu, 8 Mar 90 01:35:38 EST
From: root@CHARON.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@BLOOM-BEACON.MIT.EDU
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abdowney (Allen B Downey):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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amgreene (Andrew Marc Greene):
DVITPS(1L) UNIX Programmer's Manual DVITPS(1L)
NAME
dvitps - convert a DVI file of TeX into a POSTSCRIPT file
....
BUGS
You find them, I fix them.
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bradedel (Bradley A Edelman):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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celine (Robert Fullmer):
I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have
gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the
missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.
- Oliver North
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ejones (Mr. Edward L. Jones):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jab (Jason A Beardsley):
"And what is this ring?" said Frito, eyeing the possible exits from
the hole.
"Cease thy eyeing of possible exits and I will tell thee," Goodgulf
reprimanded the frightened boggie. "Many ages ago, when boggies were
yet wrestling with the chipmunks over hazel nuts, there were made Rings
of Power in the Elven-Halls. Fashioned with a secret formula now known
only to the makers of toothpastes, these fabulous Rings gave their
wearers mickle powers. There were twenty in all: six for mastery of the
lands, five for rule of the seas, three for dominion of the air, and two
for conquering of bad breath. With these Rings the people of past ages,
both mortals and elves, lived in peace and grandeur."
...to be continued...
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jdmarko (Jim D.):
If you were to die today with no opportunity
to communicate with anyone, what would you
most regret not having told someone?
Why haven't you told them yet?
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518 Beacon Street Sigma Phi Epsilon
Boston MA MIT-Unlisted-Number: (617) 424-0682
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The "jdmarko" is a name that some of my friends back in 8th grade gave me.
I had found a black crayon and had begun to write question-marks on
everything, and someone said, "Hey! JD's marking everything up! JDMARKO!"
...And so the Crayola Club was formed... with it's "Colour of the Day"
and all the other silly, stupid things you think up when you're in
8th grade. (Actually, I *still* think up silly and stupid things...
Maybe I just haven't grown up yet! ?)
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"The Glazed Donut" is my fraternity name. It describes the not-too-uncommon
"glazed" look in my eyes. (Which is NOT! drug-induced, thank-you-very-
much! It's a *natural* glaze.) There's also a sick joke that goes
along with the name, but this isn't the place to tell it... you'll have to
ask!
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Just remember that the integral of e to the x is equal to the function
f(u) raised to the n power. (Write it out! hee hee!)
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jsoley (Jill B Soley):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jtkohl (John T Kohl):
T minus 3 days and counting...and CO just got a major dump of
snow...12" where I'll be. PING!
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lwvanels (Lucien W. Van Elsen):
Public-school students in Long Beach, California, can no longer wear Natas
sportswear. It seems that several parents complained that Natas spelled
backward is Satan. But a company spokesman explains that it has nothing to do
with the occult. The company is named after its founder, skateboarder Natas
Kaupas. Says the spokesman, "He's Lithuanian. That's his name."
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mar (Mark A. Rosenstein):
Love for love, but flour for prunes.
- Ticklish Montenegrin Proverb
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mcharity (Mitchell N Charity):
Mitchell Charity
mcharity@ai.mit.edu
mcharity@athena.mit.edu
...!mit-eddie!mit-athena!mcharity
POBox 456 Kendall Sq Cambridge MA 02142
(617)666-4956
UPS/FedEx: MIT 38-476, 50 Vassar St Cambridge MA 02139
FAX: (617)258-7354 attn Anne Hunter
HomeAddr: 45 StJames Ave Sommerville MA
[last changed feb.90]
(BTW, and unrelated to this exchange really, but concerning metaphors
that concern us all, a comment on the frequent `looking out through a
window' metaphor for email: I find it helpful, and more appropriate, to
use a `looking around in a room' metaphor: `Are you in here with us?'
instead of `Are you out there?' Antidote for alienation and the illusion
of anonymity, fosters tact and forbearance, replaces possible ego trips
about addressing the wide world with a more realistic understanding of
addressing a fairly parochial select group, however geographically
dispersed. Generally good medicine.)
Bruce Nevin
bn@bbn.com
A tale overheard (pre Gorb.):
A soviet offical was giving a lecture in the CCCP decrying the excesses
of the Stalinist purges.
Someone in the audience interupted with the querulous question
"You were one of his associates...WHY did you not DO something?"
A shocked silence locked the tense hall.
The visibly angered soviet official, his eyes raking the frozen listeners,
demanded
"WHO SAID THAT?".
There was only the hushed sound of shallow breathing as row upon row of
people sat like chilled statues.
"Precisely."
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montreal (It's just Toby):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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panda (Christopher D. Reed):
Give me a plan. Somebody, anybody. I'm open for suggestions.
Make them lude and crude if you want. Even intellegent if you dare.
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paul (Paul Boutin):
Computers are important -- they keep kids out of sports.
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toad (John P. Jackson):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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tophe (Christopher M Hoadley):
To experience life to the fullest.
To enjoy what there is to enjoy without reservation.
To live.
To laugh.
To love.
tophe@media-lab.media.mit.edu 259 Saint Paul Street
tophe@athena.mit.edu Brookline, MA 02146
(617)734-0648 or 253-8973 (home)
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wchuang (Mithrandir):
Stolen from: ccmax@eel.cs.ucla.edu
PREFACE: I am trying to write a program that enables computers
to engage in sexual intercourse with a willing and able
partner (over a LAN or the Internet?).
In order for me to do that, I must first teach the
programmers writing this code what SEX is. That can
only be done in C (C++ version coming out soon).
So, here it is, excerpts from the book titled:
"SEXX, a brief practical introduction".
Also available are:
1) "SEXX - programmers' HANDbook".
2) "SEXX - programmers' guide".
3) "SEXX - programmers' tools".
4) "SEXX - programmers' manual".
(c) 1990 - Maxx Kisslick's Software Series.
. . .
---------------- page 15 ----------------
#include "people.h"
#include "items.h"
#include "places.h"
#include "personalities.h"
procedure sexx( ListOfPeople, ListOfItems )
person *ListOfPeople;
item *ListOfItems;
{
person *PARTNER1 = ListOfPeople,
*PARTNER2 = ListOfPeople->nextVictim;
sexual position; /* sexual is, of course, a special type */
money wallet;
int i;
if ( LENGTH( ListOfPeople ) == 1 ) {
if ( PARTNER1->sex == MALE ) {
if ( SEARCH( ListOfItems, SexDoll ) == TRUE )
ENJOY( PARTNER1, ArtificialT*ts, ArtificialP***y );
else
ENJOY( PARTNER1, YourHand );
} else { /* if it's a FEMALE */
if ( SEARCH( ListOfItems, Vi***tor ) == TRUE )
ENJOY( PARTNER1, GoodVibrations );
else
ENJOY( PARTNER1, YourFinger );
}
} else if ( LENGTH( ListOfPeople ) == 2 ) {
if ( PARTNER1->sex == MALE && PARTNER2->sex == MALE ) {
printf("AIDS ALERT, AIDS ALERT\n");
if ( SEARCH( ListOfItem, Condoms ) == TRUE ) {
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
ENJOY( PARTNER2, PARTNER1 ); /* 2 wants to be on the top */
} else {
printf("No glove no Love!?\n");
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 ); /* only once this time */
}
if ( PARTNER1->sex == FEMALE && PARTNER2->sex == FEMALE ) {
position = 69;
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2->tongue || PARTNER2->finger);
ENJOY( PARTNER2, PARTNER1->tongue || PARTNER1->finger);
} else {
/* Finally, some good, 'old fashioned' heterosexual sex. */
/* Also, (PARTNER1->sex == FEMALE) - "ladies first", right!? */
switch( PARTNER1->PersonalityType ) {
case NONE: goto( HOME ); /* She ran away, you're too ugly */
break;
case NUN: goto( HOME ); /* Might as well */
break;
case WHORE: wallet = wallet - $50;
/* Or whatever the going rate is these days? */
goto( MOTEL );
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
break;
case PRUDE: for(i=0; i < 10; i++ ) {
goto( DINNER );
wallet -= $50;
say("I Love you, dear");
give( GoodNightKiss );
} /* Wow, that was more expensive than the whore */
goto( YourPlace );
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
break; /* break up and find someone better */
case CAUTIOUS:
goto( DINNER );
talk( PreviousSexLife );
lie( Haven'tHadSexFor2Years );
goto( YourPlace || MyPlace );
ENJOY?? ( PARTNER1, PARTNER2, WithGloveOn?? );
break;
case CONFUSED:
goto( DINNER );
say( "Lets just be friends" );
GetHerDrunk();
goto( YourPlace ); /* because she's too drunk */
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
break;
case MentallyDisturbed:
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
goto( MentalHospital );
LockHerUp();
ThrowAwayTheKeys();
break; /* and make sure she stays there */
case WildNkinky:
goto( RESTAURANT ); /* To eat, but not dinner */
Quickie( UnderTableInRestaurant );
Quickie( InTheCarInFrontOfThePoliceStation );
goto( YourPlace || MyPlace );
Quickie( OnTheRoof );
position = 70; /* guess what that is? */
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
break; /* Exhausted, taking a break */
case DOMINATRESS:
if ( SEARCH( ListOfItems, WhipsNchains ) == TRUE )
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2->TiedUp );
else goto( HOME ); /* No pain, no gain!! */
break;
case ValleyGirl:
say( "OhMyGod, like I'm such a stud" );
/* Valley English?! */
say( "Lets go to my Bel Air Mansion" );
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
break;
case ENGINEER:
take( PARTNER1, Plastic surgeon );
take( PARTNER1, WeightLossClinic );
wallet -= $1000;
/* if the above somewhat improved her looks */
if ( PARTNER1->looks > 0 ) then
ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 );
break;
case GlenCloseType:
case KathleenTurnerType: /* If have seen the War of the Roses */
RunLikeHell();
break; /* hopefully not your neck */
case NORMAL: printf("You are out of luck!!\n");
printf("A normal woman is an oxymoron\n");
break;
case OfTheMissingCase:
say("Give me a light, NO ... Bud Lite");
say("Tastes Great, Less filling...");
break;
default: ENJOY( PARTNER1, PARTNER2 ); /* enjoy anyways */
printf("Anyone who has new cases, let me know\n");
printf("I am ccmax@eel.cs.ucla.edu \n");
}
}
} else /* when there are more than 2 people */
ORGY( ListOfPeople, ListOfItems );
}
funcktion ORGY( );
/* See "SEXX - programmers' guide" for more details */
#include "guide.c"
--- End of Central America ---
