[2170] in Central_America
New quotes for Tue Jan 30
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Tue Jan 30 01:45:30 1990
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 90 01:45:09 EST
From: root@CHARON.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@BLOOM-BEACON.MIT.EDU
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celine (Who Drugged Thumper?):
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his
ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
-- Steven Wright
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jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
All who watched the movie "Roxanne" will recall the scene in a bar where
Steve Martin's character humiliates a wise-guy who has made a
rude remark about his nose. The guy is asked if he can't come up with
some wittier remark than he made, and he sarcastically
asks if Martin can come up with something better. Martin says he can
in fact produce twenty "Something Betters".
Did anyone notice that in fact he reels off TWENTY FIVE?
They are:
1. Obvious: "Excuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face?"
2. Meteorological: "Everybody take cover, she's going to blow!"
3. Fashionable: "You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
something larger, like Wyoming."
4. Personal: "Well, here we are, just the three of us."
5. Punctual: "All right Dellman, your nose was on time, but you were
fifteen minutes late."
6. Envious: "Ooh, I wish I were you, to be able to smell your own ear."
7. Naughty: "Pardon me sir, some of the ladies have asked if you
wouldn't mind putting that thing away."
8. Philosophical: "You know, it's not the size of a nose that's
important, it's what's in it what matters."
9. Humorous: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; sneeze and it's
goodbye Seattle."
10. Commercial: "Hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for
Thirty-Nine Ninety-Five."
11. Polite: "Ah, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, ah,
orchestra keeps changing tempo."
12. Melodic: (Everybody) "He's got the whole world.. in his nose."
13. Sympathetic: "Ooh, what happened, did your parents lose a bet with God?"
14. Complimentary: "You must love the little birdies to give them this
to perch on."
15. Scientific: "Say, does that thing there influence the tides?"
16. Obscure: "Hoo, I'd hate to see the grindstone."
17. Enquiry: "When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid?"
18. French: "Sir, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until
you leave."
19. Pornographic: "Finally, a man can satisfy two women at once."
20. Religious: "The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn't he?"
21. Disgusting: "Say, who mows your nose hair?"
22. Paranoid: "Keep that guy away from my cocaine."
23. Romantic: "It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell
the coffee ... in Brazil."
24. Appreciative: "Ooh how original, most people have their teeth capped."
25. Dirty: "Your name wouldn't be ... Dick, would it?"
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jtkohl (John T Kohl):
Free time? I actually have free time this week?
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mar (Mark A. Rosenstein):
It is possible to talk to cattle if you have common sense.
- Cautionary Swiss Proverb
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montreal (Toby):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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needle (Joseph):
One hen.
Two ducks.
Three squawking geese.
Four Limerick oysters.
Five corpulent porpoises.
Six pairs of John Barrister's tweezers.
Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array.
Eight brass monkeys from the secret, sacred, ancient crypts of Egypt.
--- End of Central America ---
