[1771] in Central_America
New quotes for Fri Sep 15
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Fri Sep 15 01:33:32 1989
Date: Fri, 15 Sep 89 01:34:34 EDT
From: root@CHARON.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@BLOOM-BEACON.MIT.EDU
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
adtaiwo (Ademola Taiwo):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
celine (Robert Fullmer):
I now have a roof over my head, legitimately.
Still planning to graduate this term.
To minor, or not to minor, that is the question.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
dkk (David K Krikorian):
[From eunet.jokes, by q1aqf@ingram.newcastle.ac.uk (A Waterworth):]
The Cynic's Guide to Life, the Universe and Everything.
-------------------------------------------------------
For want of something better to do, here's a list of collected words of
wisdom on the subject of Life, Love, the Universe and Everything. Many
of the following gems are directly attributable to me (often in a state
of mild inebriation) although some come from other sources. Enjoy...
Subject 1 : Women.
------------------
Never put a woman on a pedestal - it makes it easier for her to kick you
in the teeth.
Treat a woman like dirt and she'll loathe you for it.
Treat her like gold and she'll despise you for it.
If you hold a door open for a lady, she'll slap your face and call you
an arrogant, sexist, chauvinist b@st@rd.
If you don't hold a door open for a lady, she'll slap your face and call
you an inconsiderate, ignorant pig.
There _are_ some men who understand women. Unfortunately, they all spend
their time in rooms with soft walls, talking to beings from Beta Lyrae.
Subject 2 : Love (in general).
------------------------------
The only difference between love and indigestion is that Milk of Magnesia
makes indigestion go away.
You only fall in love once. No-one can make that big a mistake twice!
Make love, not war. Alternatively, get married and do both.
Subject 3 : Inanimate objects.
------------------------------
Whether it's working or not, you can still injure yourself on it.
There are only two kinds of computer, the ones that don't work and the
ones that only _seem_ to work.
If a knife is supposed to be blunt, you'll cut yourself on it.
If it's supposed to be sharp, you couldn't cut hot butter with it.
The only things that regularly break down are the ones you really need.
Subject 4 : Life (in general).
------------------------------
If you don't get drunk at a party, you'll wish that you did.
If you do get drunk at a party, you'll wish that you didn't.
Every cloud has a silver lining. Unfortunately, this implies that every
silver lining has a cloud.
Whatever you say or do, somebody won't like it.
Never give advice to people - they won't take it and will then blame you
because it didn't work!
Life is the most common sexually transmitted disease.
Subject 4 : The Universe (in general).
--------------------------------------
The best way to cope with the size of the known Universe is to view it from
the inside of a bottle - preferably whisky.
Subject 5 : Everything (Miscellaneous).
---------------------------------------
As a general rule, never make gross generalisations.
Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but it can be the most satisfying.
The human race has got to be the slowest and most boring sporting event
ever started.
When all else fails, panic. If that doesn't seem to work, you're not doing
it right.
***********************************************
I hope that you find some of these useful in your daily life. However, if
you do not and would like a refund, simply throw yourself from the top of
the nearest tall building and consider that last one again...
Cheerio!
AW.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
henry (Henry Hensch):
The following was in Wednesday's Australian, p2:
A 21-year old unemployed Brisbane man was fined a total of $190
yesterday under the city's controversial Queen Street Mall Act
for reading the Bible aloud in public. The man, who pleaded not
guilty in Brisbane Magistrate's Court to delivering a public
address without a permit, had read a passage from the Book of
Proverbs dealing with the misuse of authority.
--
<you'll find me here usually ... when i'm here, i'm on the staff of
<MIT's Project Athena ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
huillam (John Y Cha):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
lnp (Lisa N Paradis):
One day, Professor John "Moses" Guttag heard a voice... When
he turned around, he saw a PROM on fire, but not burning. The voice
told him to go to Mount Silicon to receive the "truth"...
On Mt Silicon, he received the 10 Commandments of Programming
and Data Abstraction. He received the CLU to life... Those rules are
now written on sandstone tablets. Copies of these tablets are
available at the Coop for $44.95 - just ask for the 6.170 text...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
mugambo (Shippert ('He who is known as Ti):
Those who think that tobacco's conquest of sport is complete,
however, can take hear -- according to the _Chicago Sun-Times_, Philip
Morris recently lost the $12,000 sponsorship of the U.S. boomerang team
to an anti-smoking group called Doctors Ought to Care, which is run by
Alan Blum. Philip Morris "promised us all kinds of publicity," the team
captain, Eric Shouffer, told the newpaper. "If we'd wear big Philip
Morris logos on our chest, they told us we'd be on 'Good Morning
America' and so on."
It wasn't just conscience that governed the team's decision,
Shouffer said, but practical considerations, too: One member is an
asthmatic "who falls over dead when he gets near smokers."
-- "Warning: Sports Stars May be Hazardous to Your
Heath", by Jason DeParle,
_The Washington Monthly_ , September 1989
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
paul (Paul Boutin):
(\ (\
\\ \\
\\_)\
) ) heh, heh...
( @ @ /
/ ___)
/ /UU
"0x10 bottles of beer on the wall,
0x10 bottles of beer,
I somehow suspect they're not ready at all,
0x10 bottles of beer on the wall."
--- End of Central America ---
