[1411] in Central_America
New quotes for Sat Apr 8
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Sat Apr 8 01:26:48 1989
Date: Sat, 8 Apr 89 01:29:33 EDT
From: Initializer.SysDaemon <root@CHARON.MIT.EDU>
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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edyamp (Ed Yampratoom):
The "Hitch Hikers Guide to the Net" defines 'Joggering' as a sport
originated in Australia to combat the sudden drop in productivity
caused by having everybody jogging. Australian champion Bruce Karnage
describes the sport: "Well, there is a different way of catching both
male and female joggers. If it's a male, you flush him out into the
open with cigarette smoke, then chase him down in your 4 x 4 Land
Rover. When he's tired, bump him with the fender to stun him
momentarily. Then get out and with your driver pick him up by all
fours and run him head-first into the side of the truck. If it's a
female, bait a likely spot with designer jogging wear and then wait
for a flock to arrive. When one becomes interested, sneak up behind
her, very quietly. Then when you are about two feet away, and you can
see the sun dancing on her richly tanned flesh caressing her well
toned figure into a visual symphony of delight, split her skull with
a handy two-by-four. It's a lovely sport!" The sport later became
known as 'Walkmaning'.
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jcbourne (Juliet C Bourne):
!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!
!! !!
!! N E E D E D : !!
!! -------------------- !!
!! !!
!! U S H E R S / R E F R E S H M E N T C R E W !!
!! !!
!! for the MIT Gilbert & Sullivan Players' production of !!
!! !!
!! P A T I E N C E . !!
!! !!
!! Show dates and times are: !!
!! !!
!! April 7, 8, 9, 14, 15 --- 8 PM !!
!! !!
!! April 9 and 16 --- 2 PM !!
!! !!
!! All shows in 54-100. !!
!! !!
!! IF YOU CAN HELP OUT AT ANY OF THESE SHOWS, !!
!! !!
!! PLEASE DROP ME A LINE AND LET ME KNOW!! !!
!! !!
!! THANKS!! -- Julie Bourne <jcbourne@athena> !!
!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!
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jtkohl (John T Kohl):
"Fluoridation ... is a communist plot!"
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paul (Paul Boutin):
"Paul gets more and more like Jeff every day."
- Athenian of unknown intent
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tjcoppet (Tom Coppeto):
The Complete History of Sex
Sex was invented by Thomas Alva Edison on July
16, 1876.
At the time, Edison had been working to develop
"entertainment devices" for the masses- and during the
previous months he had invented the whoopee-cushion,
the hand-buzzer, Play-Doh, fake-nose eyeglasses, the
first cordless vibrator (a massive steam-powered unit
that covered six and a half square city blocks and
required 235 men to operate), and the one device he
considered to be his greatest gift to mankind at the time:
the ball-point pen that turned over to reveal a naked
woman.
Upon being introduced to sex, the country was
thrown into turmoil-and in order to maintain order, the
government seized all of Tom's patents and drawings,
and locked them away in the federal archives until the
year 2186. (The only exception to this were his plans
for the steam-powered vibrator, which were released in
1964 and used as the basic design for the nuclear sub-
marine USS Trident.)
Devastated at the havoc he'd created, Edison re-
doubled his efforts to provide entertainment for the
masses and quickly invented movies, the mimeograph,
and the phonograph.
In fact, his greatest invention of all, the light bulb,
was created as a means of deterring sex.
Because as Tom put it, "Who in God's
name would ever want to do it with the lights on?"
from "Nice Guys Sleep Alone"
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wesommer (Bill Sommerfeld):
Seen on the net:
"... wishing for government regulation is like wishing for cancer ..."
--- End of Central America ---
