[95479] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: [Tlhingan-hol] mIl'oD veDDIr SuvwI': 'ay' 15 - pop 'oH ghob'e'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Robyn Stewart)
Sun Jan 6 15:57:26 2013
Date: Sun, 06 Jan 2013 12:50:41 -0800
To: "tlhingan-hol@kli.org" <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
From: Robyn Stewart <robyn@flyingstart.ca>
In-Reply-To: <BAY166-W21E7E18359E95440642FC0AA260@phx.gbl>
Errors-To: tlhingan-hol-bounces@stodi.digitalkingdom.org
At 05:28 '?????' 1/6/2013, you wrote:
>If anyone's still reading after my lengthy =
>absences, 'avtanDIl just buttered up roStevan =
>and promised that he would go to every boundary =
>of the Kol'vat Region to announce the joyous =
>news of tIna'tIn's accession to the throne. =
>Comments, criticism, and questions are as always most welcome.
vIlaDqangbej. lut chIlpu' De'wI'wIj 'e' vIHaj.
The language is quite dense and has to be =
digested slowly in any language. Today I feel =
like translating, as a way of showing you what I =
get from reading, sharing the story with people =
who wouldn't otherwise see it, and of opening my =
own comprehension to scrutiny.
>'ay' 15: pop 'oH ghob'e'
>----------
>ghIq voDleH vaS 'el SuvwI' net chaw';
And then the warrior was admitted to the Hall of the Emperor;
> 'utlh vuv ghaH 'ej tlho'meH mu'mey jatlh:
He respected the patriarch and spoke words of thanks:
>=AB'o 'utlh, chonaDqu'ta'mo' choquvqu'moHneS! DaH =
>nuchevbogh 'IttaHghach ram'e' wovmoHjaj QI'tu', =
>'ej qablIj bel belqa'moHlu'pu'bogh vIlegh 'e' chaw'jaj.=BB
O Sire, your high commendations have honoured me =
deeply! Let heaven illuminate the night of =
depression which separates us, and let me see your face made joyous again."
[Consider Hurgh instead of ram there. Choosing =
there between the adjective and noun meanings of =
Hurgh would be simpler than those of ram. I also =
couldn't find a way to cram an second instance of =
bel into the English translation in a way that =
added anything to the sentence. Does it have a =
purpose that eludes me in the Klingon?]
>DeSDajDaq ghaH tlhap roStevan 'ej paw'chu';
Rostevan took him in his arms and they =
[demonstrated affection in a culturally appropriate manner].
>tlhoS puqloDna'Daj rur 'avtanDIl.
Avtandil was almost like his real son.
>chaH rurbogh chang'eng'e' not tu'lu'pu' =96 =
>Qorghbogh vay', vay' Qorghlu'pu'bogh joq.
A twin like him had never been found--neither =
someone who took care of him nor who had been cared for.
[I wonder if SaH is preferable to Qorgh here. I'm =
not really getting the point of Qorghlu'pu'bogh as an asset.]
>tagha' QamchoH SuvwI', 'ej mej.
At last the warrior stood up and left.
>luchevlu'law'pu' chaH; 'avtanDIlvaD loQ SaQchoH =
>valqu'bogh 'ej quvqu'bogh roStevan.
They had been separated. The wisest and most =
honoured roStevan shed a tear for Avtandil.
>vaj mej 'avtanDIl, yItchu'bogh 'ej jaqchu'bogh SuvwI' yoH.
Thus Avtandil departed, a brave warrior who walked out freely and boldly.
>cha'maH jaj lengtaH; pem law', ram law' je tay'moHchu'.
He travelled for twenty days; many days and nights indistinguishable.
>not tIna'tIn'e', tIqDaj meQmoHtaHbogh be''e', Qubbe'choH;
He never stopped thinking of Tinatin, the woman who enflamed his heart.
[Not sure if that's a word, but I need to distinguish from inflamed.]
>qo' bel ghaH tIna'tIn'e', mIp'a' wellu'bogh ghaH.
Tinatin was a pleasant world,. She was a fortune owed.
[Not sure I know what that means, but that's what it says.]
>Dat jaHDI', lopqu'taH Sep nuvpu'. luqIH 'ej =
>lughom chuQun, 'ej nobmey wagh nobtaH.
Everywhere he went the region's people were =
celebrating. They met him and the nobility =
assembled and gave him [or possibly her, in trust] expensive gifts.
>QIt lengbe'bej loD Qup'e', Dat paSbe'qu' jul rurbogh loD'e', nom lengtaHvI=
S.
The young man by no means travelled slowly. The =
man who was like the sun was everywhere, not at all late, travelling quickl=
y.
[Late for what? I know you're working with an overwrought original.]
>nuvpu' lubelqu'choHmoHlu'chu', luqIHDI' 'ej ghaHDaq SumchoHDI'.
People became ecstatic on making his acquaintance, and when they came near =
him.
[wejpuH]
>wo' veH nuvpu' ghIjlaHchu'bogh veng HoS'e' che' 'avtanDIl;
Avtandill ruled the powerful city that could terrify the borderland people.
[meqvetlh vIlaj.]
>naghna' 'oH yergho'e', chenmoHlu'meH nagh'a' tIn lumutlhlu'ta'.
The city wall was known to be stone, constructed of large boulders.
[I'm not sure that's how mutlh works. Shouldn't =
it be mutlhlu'meH nagh'a' tIn lughommoHlu'ta', or the like?]
>veng loHmeH, qaStaHvIS wej jaj vengDaq ratlhtaH =
>ghaH chon taghpa', 'ej ghojwI'Daj SermaDInvaD ngupDaj nob 'avtanDIl.
He stayed three days to administrate the city =
before the hunt, and Avtandil gave his cloak to his student Sermadin.
[Okay, now I'm confused. Is this a flashback to =
Avtandil's role in administration of the royal =
city before he left, or by virtue of his great =
beauty and conversational skills he suddenly is =
put in charge of a border city. Did you mean cho' =
and not che' earlier? Did I miss something? Or =
am I just failing to grasp the cultural context =
that Avtandil simply possesses everything he passes through?]
>nItebHa' toy'wI'vam'e' 'avtanDIl'e' je luQorghlu'pu';
Acting together the servant and Avtandil were cared for.
[I'm really lost now. Is he going hunting or is he being tended? By whom?]
>'avtanDIlvaD matlhchu'taH, 'avtanDIl toy'ruptaH.
He was utterly loyal to Avtandil and ready to serve him.
[Oh, Avtandil has been in charge of this city all =
along; it just hasn't come up until now. Or I forgot it?]
>wej 'avtanDIl tIq meQmoHtaHbogh qul Sovbe'chu';
He did not yet know the extent of the fire burning in Avtandil's heart.
>vaj DaH ghaHvaD 'avtanDIl jul, tIna'tIn, tulmoHbogh mu'mey 'ang 'avtanDIl.
Thus now Avtandil revealed to him [or her, that =
could be awkward] the inspiring words of his sun Tinatin.
[or possibly it was Avtandil's words that were inspiring]
>jatlh ghaH: =ABHIQoy, SermaDIn, ngoDvammo' jItuH SoHvaD 'e' vI'angnIS.
He said, "Hear me, Sermadin. I must reveal my shame to you.
>Hoch SojwIj DaSovchu'; 'oH Daqelchu'ta' 'ej 'oHmo' choqeSchu'ta'.
"You know all my affairs; You have fully =
considered them and advised me on them.
>'ach muSaQqu'bogh ghu''e' wej DaSovchoHpu'!
"But you have not yet learned what makes me cry so.
>mubechqu'moHpu'bogh be'vo' DaH tIqwIj DuQtaH =
>bel'a'. tIna'tInvaD muDuQtaH parmaqna';
Ecstasy from the woman who has made me suffer so =
now pierces my heart. True love for Tinatin infuses my soul.
>SeparDu'wIj bIrDaq pubchoH tIqwIj 'Iw tuj; wej =
>bepwIj vISo'pu'bogh vI'anglaHbe'pu'.
In my cold [body parts metaphorized as gemstones] =
the warm blood of my heart comes to a boil. I =
could not yet reveal the agony I had hidden.]
>'ach DaH jItulchoHta' 'e' mura' be'vetlh, vaj jIbelchoH 'e' Dalegh.
But now I have taken hope again and that woman =
commanded me, thus you see me become pleased.
>mujatlh tIna'tIn: =8Bngabta'bogh SuvwI' bopbogh =
>De''e' yIghoj, ghIq choghoS, 'ej tIqlIj parmaq vIpupmoH.
Tinatin told me, <Find out about the warrior who =
disappeared and then come to me and I will perfect the love in your heart.
> loDnalwI' Damoj SoH neH vIneH, latlh =
> vIneHbe'qu'; tIqwIjDaq lav pochbogh Sor'a' 'oH SanwIj'e'.=9B
I want only you to become my husband. I want no =
other. My fate is a bush a great tree plants in =
my heart. [Or possibly a great tree that planted =
a bush in my heart. Trees planting bushes confuse me]>
>jatlhpu'pa', tIqwIj baghlu'pu' 'ej vonlu'pu'; =
>jatlhpu'DI', tIqwIj rachlu'pu' 'ej vorlu'pu'.=BB
"Before she said it my heart was tied and traped. =
When she said it my heart was invigorated and cured."
>----------
>SKI: 'avtanDIl thanks roStevan for the =
>commendation, goes to make the announcements as =
>promised, and then returns to inform his pupil =
>SermaDIn that he intends to depart to carry out =
>the task that tIna'tIn has requested him to do.
You can see that I couldn't tell that he =
returned. What did I miss there? Anyone see that more clearly? =
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