[94404] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: [Tlhingan-hol] mIl'oD veDDIr SuvwI': 7 - Dujeychugh jagh nIv,
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Qov)
Wed Aug 15 12:53:44 2012
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:51:12 -0600
To: <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
From: Qov <robyn@flyingstart.ca>
In-Reply-To: <BAY166-W3433E5F63A665CF38AF682AAB60@phx.gbl>
Errors-To: tlhingan-hol-bounces@stodi.digitalkingdom.org
At 09:47 '?????' 8/15/2012, Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh wrote:
>The final 'ay' of 'ay''a' wa'. Having a lot of fun with this!
>
>Warnings: Killing of animals, and some blood.
wej yap'a' HoHchaj?
>7. Dujeychugh jagh nIv, yItuHQo'
>
>Hatlh luvegh chaH lIghtaHvIS, chaH tlhopDaq =
>Ha'DIbaHmey tlha'taH chaH lIghtaHvIS.
I'm having trouble liking this as a sentence. The =
action of the sentence takes place in the area in =
front of them, but in that location they are =
chasing the animals. I think you're trying to use =
chaJ tlhopDaq to modify just the animals. <chaH =
tlhop Ha'DIbaHmey tlha'taH> would work better for me.
>HoHtaH chaH 'ej Qaw'taH chaH, Qunpu' vaqtaH =
>chaH, yotlh yav lunguvmoH 'ej Ha'DIbaH 'Iwmo' =
>luDoqqu'moH chaH. maq 'avtanDIl lubejtaHbogh =
>nuvpu', jatlh: =ABQI'tu' SuvwI'na' ghaHchu'!=BB
vI' tobmeH Hujbej mIwvetlh. toy'wI''a'pu' HoHbe' 'e' vItlho' neH.
>yotlhvetlh Hoch luvegh chaH 'ej Ha'DIbaHmey =
>tlha'lI'. yotlh Dop HopDaq bIQtIqHom lutu'; =
>bIQtIqHom HeH Sum luvel naghmey; HeH Hop So' =
>ngem[1]. tagha' ngemDaq luHaw' Ha'DIbaH; pa' =
>tlha'laHbe' 'avtanDIl Sargh roStevan Sargh je.
vaQqu'law' ngemvetlh.
>toDuj ta'chaj chavta'DI' 'avtanDIl roStevan je,
toDuj? Qobchugh Ha'DIbaHmey HoHpu'bogh, vaj =
toy'wI'pu' toDuj law' law' lIghwI'pu' toDuj law' puS.
>Doy'choHpu', 'ach jeQtaH chaH! jatlhchuq Hoch =
>cha' =ABjIQapta' jIH'e'!=BB Quchqu'taH chaH 'ej =
>qIDchuq, 'utlh toy'wI'pu' loStaHvIS.
tagh wo'mey 'ej luj wo'mey 'ach not choHpu' loDpu'.
>tugh pawpu' paSbogh toy'wI'pu', 'ej cholDI', =
>jatlh 'utlh: =AByIvIt; 'etlhmaj tIbochmoHQo'.=BB
ghIch vImaStaH.
>lujatlh toy'wI'pu' =ABmavItbej, 'o 'utlh; pItojQo' =
>maH. 'avtanDIl'e' Darur SoH 'e' =
>wImaqlaHbe'neS[2]. 'e' wIja'mo' chaq juHoH 'ach teHtaH 'ej nIboQbe' Heghma=
j.
yoHbej.
>Ha'DIbaHmey qIpta'bogh ghaH DIleghpu' 'ej =
>DItoghta'; vIHqa'qu' pagh. nItebHa' cha'SanID =
>boHoHta' tlhIH cha', 'ach wa'SanID wa'maH HoHta' =
>'avtanDIl 'ej Hutvatlh HutmaH neH DaHoHta' SoH. =
>'ej chonnaQmeyDaj'e'[3], ray'Daj chIlpu' pagh tIH,
Doj.
>'ach yav neH luqIppu'bogh chonnaQmeylIj law''e' DIyIrnISpu'neS.=BB
DIyImISpu'neS? wot yImIS vISovbe'.
>'e' QoyDI' 'utlh, QeHbe'qu', SaHbe'law'; tlhoS Quj QapwI' neH maqlu'law'.
Quj QapwI' ghaHbej. chay' pIm?
>vItpu' toy'wI'pu'Daj 'e' ra' 'utlh 'ej =
>ruchta'mo' belchu'. loDvam'e' Qorghqu'ta'bogh =
>ghaH, yayDajmo' Quchqu'choH 'utlh. vuvqu' 'ej =
>muSHa'chu' 'utlh. montaHvIS lop, 'ej tIqDaj 'ItHa'choHmoHlu'.
jaq 'avtanDIl 'ej SuD 'ach Qapmo' Qapbej.
>Sormey bIng QIbDaq leSmeH pa' ba' chaH cha',
Why not <leSmeH chaH cha', Sormey bIng QIbDaq =
ba'choH> or <Sormey bIng QIbDaq leHmeH ba'choH =
chaH cha'> . I fully understand the desire to add =
some variety to sentence structure, but I'm =
starting to read about a resting chamber under =
some trees, then I have to back up and .. okay I =
can see what's going on here. "They sat in order =
to rest in the shadow under the trees." The way =
it's structured, the sitting is done to =
accomplish resting under the trees. I would be =
more comfortable were the sitting done under the =
trees, in order to rest, and were it not possible =
to misread it as <leSmeH pa'> Also isn't it the =
shadow of the trees, rather than the shadow of =
the trees area underneath? Maybe QIbDaq leSmeH =
Sormey bIngDaq ba'choH chaH. I'm not sure about =
the legitimacy of chaH cha', but it doesn't confuse me.
>qIDtaHvIS 'ej QuchtaHvIS. chaH retlhDaq ghom =
>wa'maH cha' toy'wI', yoHwI' matlhwI' je; ghIq =
>toy'wI'pu' retlhDaq ghom negh law'qu' 'ej Dech, =
>ngem HeHDaq ngechHommey, bIQtIqHommey je bejtaHvIS.
Ha'DibaHmeyvetlh lommey boSnIS vay' ngImchoHpa'.
>--------
>[1] This descriptive bit's awkward and I may =
>rewrite it to make it flow better. The source =
>text is disjointed here, but I'm not as =
>concerned with remaining super-faithful to the =
>source as I am about spinning a coherent yarn.
I didn't find it disjointed. There's a stream at =
the end of the field with rocks on the near side =
and impenetrable-by-horses forest on the far =
side. Don't know where else you'd put that information.
>[2] Working out how much {-neS} is too much is a =
>really intriguing balancing act.
Leave some room for more if you get someone who =
is insanely fawning, but put enough in that one =
can instantly tell if someone is not being respectful.
>[3] A comment from Qov made me realise {beHmey} =
>were anachronistic and that this would be a good =
>opportunity to use the rich spear-related vocab from KGT.
>--------
>SKI: The count from the hunt is in. 'avtanDIl wins.
Doj vI'Daj. =
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