[89274] in tlhIngan-Hol
chIjwI' tIQ bom: 'ay' cha'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh)
Tue Aug 30 22:35:05 2011
From: Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh <qeslagh@hotmail.com>
To: <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2011 12:29:51 +1000
Errors-to: tlhingan-hol-bounce@kli.org
Reply-to: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
Revisions to Part I of what is now {chIjwI' tIQ bom} (with thanks to
Qov for pointing out {tIQ} rather than the previous {qanqu'}) are still
underway - thanks to all for your comments. In the meantime, here's a
draft of the rather shorter Part II. In this part the ship is becalmed,
and hints begin of the unnatural events about to occur.
As usual, comments, criticisms and suggestions are appreciated. In
particular, keeping to the rhyme limits my word choices greatly and at
times I'm probably be stretching senses too far, so critique on lexical
choices is especially welcome.
chIjwI' tIQ bom: 'ay' cha'
(The Rime of the Ancient Mariner: Part II)
<< DaH maH nIHDaq narghchoH jul'e':
bIQ'a'vo' SalchoHpu',
luSo'taH 'eng, ghIq maH poSDaq,
bIQ'a'Daq ghIrqa'qu'.
'ej maH 'emDaq taHtaH tIng SuS,
'ach tlha'be'qu' bo'Degh,
'ej SojvaD belvaD joq cheghQo',
majach 'ach pagh wIlegh.
<< qaSchoH wanI' mIghqu'>> net jatlh,
ta' mIgh vIta'pu'mo';
SuS qaStaHwI' bo'Degh vIbI'
'ej SuS'e', qaSqa'Qo'.
<< petaQ!>> jatlh chaH: << bo'Degh'e' yaH,
'ej SuS'e', qaSqa'Qo'.>>
Hurghbe', Doqbe', qab wovqu' rur
Salqu'DI' jul 'IH'e';
<< maj,>> ghIq jatlh Hoch, << yaH bo'Degh joch,
'eng qaSmoHbogh Dep'e'.>>
<< lughchu',>> jatlh chaH: << Hegh bo'Degh, yaH
'eng qaSmoHbogh Dep'e'.>>
taHqu' SuS tIS, joq bIQ'a' chIS,
'ej Hab tlha'bogh yu'egh.
bIQ'a'vetlh tam wItu', wISam;
not leghpu' latlh nuv Segh.
'ach pay' mev SuS, joqbe' vo'wI',
ma'IQchoH je Hoch maH;
tammo' bIQ'a' pagh'e' wIja',
wItamHa'be'moHtaH.
qaStaH ngIq jaj, qaStaH ngIq jaj,
ratlh vIHbe'taHghach Huj;
'ej bIQ'a'Daq ghItlhlu'pu'bogh
Duj ghItlhlu'bogh rur Duj.
baS Doq rurqu'bogh chal tujDaq
jul nguvmoHlaw' 'Iw'e'.
DungluQ maH DungDaq ratlhtaH 'oH,
'ej maS'e' So'laHbe'.
Dat bIQ tu'lu', Dat bIQ tu'lu',
'ach QaDchoH choQ Sor Hap;
Dat bIQ tu'lu', Dat bIQ tu'lu',
'ach Dach tlhutlhmeH bIQ yap.
raghchoHqu' bIQ'a''e': QI'yaH!
wanI'meyvam DIpar!
'ej bIQ'a' charDaq lengchoHqu'
Sarqu'bogh Depmey char.
nuDech, nuDech 'ej mI' Hegh Sech,
ramvetlh wovmoHwI' nov;
rItlh DIjbogh veqlargh rur bIQ'a',
SuD 'oH, 'ej chIS, 'ej wov.
'ej QongDI' 'op 'ej najDI' chaH,
nunuQbogh qa' lubej;
bIQDaq vagh 'uj'a' Saw' 'IvDaj,
'eng bIr qo'vo' nutlhej.
'ej QaDchoHpu' Hoch jatDu'maj,
bIQ Hutlhlu'mo' Dach QIch:
majatlhlaHbe', 'ej nIbchu' ghu'
nuvoQmoHpu'chugh tlhIch.
mubejDI' qanwI' QupwI' je,
toH! va! mumuSchu'qu'!
ta' mIgh 'oS yatqap net Harmo'
mongwIjDaq 'oH HuSlu'.
--------
Some of the poem's most famous lines appear in Part II:
- "And slimy things did crawl with legs / upon the slimy sea."
- "Water, water, everywhere / nor any drop to drink."
- "As idle as a painted ship / upon a painted ocean."
I had fun with this part, and sections of it came surprisingly easily.
Some handy words surfaced that I've not had the chance to use before (one
nice fit was {char} "be slimy"). In Part III the verse patterns and meter
start to get a little crazier; I'll have to see how it goes.
QeS 'utlh
