[89235] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: chIjwI' qanqu' bom: 'ay' wa'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh)
Mon Aug 29 23:08:13 2011
From: Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh <qeslagh@hotmail.com>
To: <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2011 13:03:16 +1000
Errors-to: tlhingan-hol-bounce@kli.org
Reply-to: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
jIjatlhpu':
>The original is "The Mariner hath his will". I do like {chargh}, but
>{jon} would work fine too; I may go back to that.
mujang Qov:
>With "hath his will" I might look at vIHqangbe'moH chIjwI', maybe
>vanglaHbe'moH, that sort of thing.
I've just realised I forgot about {raD} "compel". I've altered this line
to {ratlh 'e' raD chIjwI' 'eb} "the navigator's chance compels him to
stay".
jIH:
>Coleridge has: "With sloping masts and dipping prow / As who pursued
>with yell and blow / Still treads the shadow of his foe / And forward
>bends his head". The headless relative makes it hard to parse even in
>the English.
Qov:
>You can't use torwI' to mean a head bender because (a) it's a nautical
>story so the pitch sense predominates and (b) even when you associate
>it with a person the meaning kneel comes out.
Fair point, especially as I've used {tor} with the nautical sense not
three lines earlier. I'll go with {joD} as you suggest.
>Keep the Klingon original in the reply next time so it's easier for
>me to refer back to what I was commenting on, please.
luq. (Sorry about that. I've been trimming out a lot to keep the emails
to manageable length; probably went a little overboard.)
>I wouldn't state that you were overstretching it, but that wamy
>reaction on reading it, i.e. oh, did they go ashore and visit it? were
>they somehow there on purpose? Would nughatlh or nuDech work in
>context? Or even nuSuch chuch.
{nuSuch} works well. (Coleridge's original here was "And ice, mast-high,
came floating by / As green as emerald". The problem is that in some
lines Coleridge does line-internal rhymes ("And ice, mast-high / came
floating by") and so I really have to retain {Such} to keep the rhyme
scheme consistent.)
So, to revise:
'ej bIQDaq chuch wIjuS; nuSuch / And ice, mast-high, came floating by
HuD woch rurbogh chuch SuD. / As green as emerald.
jIH:
>Coleridge's original is "It cracked and growled, and roared and howled
>/ Like noises in a swound!".
Qov:
>*I* read it as the noises you might here when partly unconscious, a
>vague awareness of sound without identification or parsing. Wasn't
>Coleridge an opium addict?
teHchu'.
>Thus I think you're going the wrong way with the passed out coward,
>and you should instead consider the last sounds heard by a warrior
>fallen in battle,
Not a bad idea, though I'm not sure how I'll get that concept into six
syllables. What about the last sounds *made* by a warrior falling in
battle? {rur HeghlI'bogh Sub'e'} or {rur Heghbogh SuvwI''e'}, maybe?
(I've realised by using {nuch'e'} I was trying a two-syllable rhyme
with {chuch'e'} that's really not necessary. HIvqa' veqlargh.)
QeS 'utlh
