[108883] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: [tlhIngan Hol] <> vImughlI'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Brian Cote)
Wed Jan 11 20:57:26 2017
X-Original-To: tlhingan-hol@lists.kli.org
In-Reply-To: <ee42182d-289f-284f-f00f-0e2c772592bf@trimboli.name>
From: Brian Cote <wearetheinformation00@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:57:23 -0500
To: "tlhingan-hol@kli.org" <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
Reply-To: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
Errors-To: tlhingan-hol-bounces@lists.kli.org
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As always, great advice. Thanks!
How did I not know about {gheS}!?
And I got a little sloppy there at the end. I'll keep a better eye open for
misordered suffixes, etc.
QImSIr
On Tuesday, January 10, 2017, SuStel <sustel@trimboli.name> wrote:
> On 1/10/2017 5:16 PM, Brian Cote wrote:
>
> ghaHvaD bIQDaq 'oHbe'bogh Qu' chuplu'chugh ghaH,
> ropmoH qechvam. Qun tlhuHDaj nISchoHlu'. 'ej pujchoHmoH
> porghDaj Hosghaj.
> >And when a job away from the water was offered to him
> he would get sick at the very prospect, his divine breathing
> would become troubled and his brazen chest began to tremble.
> >Und bot man ihm eine Stellung au=C3=9Ferhalb des Wassers an,
> wurde ihm schon von der Vorstellung =C3=BCbel, sein g=C3=B6ttlicher Atem
> geriet in Unordnung, sein eherner Brustkorb schwankte.
>
>
> I see you got rid of the erroneous final *ghaH* of the first sentence in
> your correction.
>
> You dropped the *-'e'*on *Qu'. *Also, when using a pronoun-as-verb to
> talk about being in a place, Okrand has always used *-taH* on the
> pronoun: *ghaHvaD bIQDaq 'oHbe'taHbogh Qu''e' chuplu'chugh** if a job
> which is not at the water were is to him.*
>
> We have so many words for anatomy, it's strange we don't have a word for
> *chest.* Consider *ro** trunk (of body). *I wonder if a *ro* can *Qom;*
> that might be better than just saying it weakens him.
>
> beplaw' 'ach ghaH Harbej pagh: QeHDI' HoSghajqu'wI',
> yonmoHlu'meH, ghaHvaD Qapla'qoqmey qItHa' chavnISlaw'lu'.
> Qu'Daj choHbej poSayDon 'e' qel pagh. wa'DIchna' bIQmey Qun'a'
> mojmoHlu', 'ej vaj retlhtaHnIS.
> >Besides, his complaints were not really taken seriously; when one
> of the mighty is vexatious the appearance of an effort must be made
> to placate him, even when the case is most hopeless. In actuality
> a shift of posts was unthinkable for Poseidon =E2=80=94 he had been appoi=
nted
> God of the Sea in the beginning, and that he had to remain.
> >=C3=9Cbrigens nahm man seine Beschwerden nicht eigentlich ernst;
> wenn ein M=C3=A4chtiger qu=C3=A4lt, mu=C3=9F man ihm auch in der aussicht=
slosesten
> Angelegenheit scheinbar nachzugeben versuchen; an eine wirkliche
> Enthebung Poseidons von seinem Amte dachte niemand, seit Urbeginn
> war er zum Gott der Meere bestimmt worden und dabei mu=C3=9Fte es bleiben=
.
>
>
> Why does he only apparently complain? I don't think you want *-law'* on
> the first sentence.
>
> I don't really see *Qapla'qoqmey qItHa'* as approaching *the appearance
> of an effort.* This sentence seems to lose a lot of meaning. Try
> recasting it.
>
> If you're using *-law'* to try to get across the "appearance" part, note
> that *-law'* tells of certainty of the speaker, not characters in the
> story.
>
> I have some trouble believing *wa'DIchna'* is a good way to say *in the
> beginning.* How about *qa'vam* *Genesis, the Big Bang, the origin of
> everything, the start of it all*? Use it just as it is as a time stamp.
>
> *mojmoHlu'* needs to be *lumojmoHlu'.* But consider using the word *gheS*=
*assume
> duties of* instead! Also consider using the perfective here.
>
> You got your suffixes in the wrong order in the last word.
>
> --
> SuStelhttp://trimboli.name
>
>
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As always, great advice. Thanks!<div><br></div><div>How did I not know abou=
t {gheS}!?</div><div><br></div><div>And I got a little sloppy there at the =
end. I'll keep a better eye open for misordered suffixes, etc.</div><di=
v><br></div><div>QImSIr<br><br>On Tuesday, January 10, 2017, SuStel <<a =
href=3D"mailto:sustel@trimboli.name">sustel@trimboli.name</a>> wrote:<br=
><blockquote class=3D"gmail_quote" style=3D"margin:0 0 0 .8ex;border-left:1=
px #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex">
=20
=20
=20
<div bgcolor=3D"#FFFFFF" text=3D"#000000">
<div>On 1/10/2017 5:16 PM, Brian Cote wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote type=3D"cite">
<div>ghaHvaD bIQDaq 'oHbe'bogh Qu' chuplu'chugh ghaH,=
</div>
<div>ropmoH qechvam. Qun tlhuHDaj nISchoHlu'. 'ej pujchoHmoH =
</div>
<div>porghDaj Hosghaj. </div>
<div>>And when a job away from the water was offered to him </div>
<div>he would get sick at the very prospect, his divine breathing
</div>
<div>would become troubled and his brazen chest began to tremble.</di=
v>
<div>>Und bot man ihm eine Stellung au=C3=9Ferhalb des Wassers an,=
</div>
<div>wurde ihm schon von der Vorstellung =C3=BCbel, sein g=C3=B6ttlic=
her
Atem </div>
<div>geriet in Unordnung, sein eherner Brustkorb schwankte. <br>
</div>
</blockquote>
<br>
<p>I see you got rid<b> </b>of the erroneous final <b>ghaH</b> of
the first sentence in your correction.<br>
</p>
<p>You dropped the <b>-'e'</b>on <b>Qu'. </b>Also, when usi=
ng a
pronoun-as-verb to talk about being in a place, Okrand has always
used <b>-taH</b> on the pronoun: <b>ghaHvaD bIQDaq 'oHbe'taHb=
ogh
Qu''e' chuplu'chugh</b><i> if a job which is not at=
the water
were is to him.</i></p>
<p>We have so many words for anatomy, it's strange we don't hav=
e a
word for <i>chest.</i> Consider <b>ro</b><i> trunk (of body). </i>I
wonder if a <b>ro</b> can <b>Qom;</b> that might be better than
just saying it weakens him.<br>
</p>
<br>
<blockquote type=3D"cite">
<div>beplaw' 'ach ghaH Harbej pagh: QeHDI' HoSghajqu'=
wI', </div>
<div>yonmoHlu'meH, ghaHvaD Qapla'qoqmey qItHa' chavnISlaw=
'lu'. </div>
<div>Qu'Daj choHbej poSayDon 'e' qel pagh. wa'DIchna&=
#39; bIQmey
Qun'a' </div>
<div>mojmoHlu', 'ej vaj retlhtaHnIS. </div>
<div>>Besides, his complaints were not really taken seriously;
when one </div>
<div>of the mighty is vexatious the appearance of an effort must
be made </div>
<div>to placate him, even when the case is most hopeless. In
actuality </div>
<div>a shift of posts was unthinkable for Poseidon=E2=80=89=E2=80=94=
=E2=80=89he had been
appointed </div>
<div>God of the Sea in the beginning, and that he had to remain.</div=
>
<div>>=C3=9Cbrigens nahm man seine Beschwerden nicht eigentlich
ernst; </div>
<div>wenn ein M=C3=A4chtiger qu=C3=A4lt, mu=C3=9F man ihm auch in der
aussichtslosesten</div>
<div> Angelegenheit scheinbar nachzugeben versuchen; an eine
wirkliche </div>
<div>Enthebung Poseidons von seinem Amte dachte niemand, seit
Urbeginn </div>
<div>war er zum Gott der Meere bestimmt worden und dabei mu=C3=9Fte e=
s
bleiben.</div>
</blockquote>
<br>
<p>Why does he only apparently complain? I don't think you want <b>=
-law'</b>
on the first sentence.</p>
<p>I don't really see <b>Qapla'qoqmey qItHa'</b> as approac=
hing <i>the
appearance of an effort.</i> This sentence seems to lose a lot
of meaning. Try recasting it.</p>
<p>If you're using <b>-law'</b> to try to get across the
"appearance" part, note that <b>-law'</b> tells of cert=
ainty of
the speaker, not characters in the story.<br>
</p>
<p>I have some trouble believing <b>wa'DIchna'</b> is a good wa=
y to
say <i>in the beginning.</i> How about <b>qa'vam</b> <i>Genesis,
the Big Bang, the origin of everything, the start of it all</i>?
Use it just as it is as a time stamp.<br>
</p>
<p><b>mojmoHlu'</b> needs to be <b>lumojmoHlu'.</b> But conside=
r
using the word <b>gheS</b> <i>assume duties of</i> instead! Also
consider using the perfective here.<br>
</p>
<p>You got your suffixes in the wrong order in the last word.</p>
<pre cols=3D"72">--=20
SuStel
<a href=3D"http://trimboli.name" target=3D"_blank">http://trimboli.name</a>=
</pre>
</div>
</blockquote></div>
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