[811] in Daily_Rumour
PJIST POST TWO
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (jhbrown@athena.mit.edu)
Sat May 22 18:40:57 1993
From: jhbrown@athena.mit.edu
Date: Sat, 22 May 93 18:39:10 -0400
To: rumor@athena.mit.edu
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THE PJIST POST
Volume one, issue two. Weather: Sunny with magic
PJIST PRESIDENT PUNTED FROM POST
As of Friday at 2AM in the morning, President Flynn became
ex-President, now Spokesman, Flynn, due to his failure to get 51% of
the stock holders to vote in his favor in vote of confidence. He got
at least 26%, his own holdings, BOB's vote, and Aragon's vote. He
will be running to regain his post, an election for the new President
will be held Wendsday evening. With three serious candidates, Flynn,
Doolittle, and Fluffernutter, all running, and the possibility of at
least a couple more candidates entering the race, 26% does look like a
good solid base of support on which he can build, at least.
DOUBLE DOUBLE (TOIL AND TROUBLE?) SHOOTINGS
Twin shootings have occured over the past two days, both resulting
in two bodies found with one shot in the arm and the torso, and the
other shot once in the torso. In the first case, Dr. Strangelove and
Dr. Kevorkian were not found until after they had bled to death, in
the second, the victims, Cardinal Robespierre and Otto Braun, were
found quickly by Dr. Frankenstien and Dr. Doolittle, and were saved.
After recovering, they apparently each claimed the other started it.
How this is reconciled with the fact the Cardinal's gun hadn't been
fired is unclear to this reporter at this time... Everyone should be
at the trial tonight at ten to find out.
TRIAL TAKES TOO LONG, ACCUSED RELEASED FOR VIOLATION OF RIGHTS
And speaking of trials, Peter Pan's was held last night, for
assult and battery of the Sherrif and his deputy. Pan claimed that
the deed took place during a declared duel, in which the Sherrif was
so foolish as to turn his back on Pan right after it started, allowing
Pan to knock him out with a quick blow from behind with surprise.
While the Judge found Pan guilty of the charges, he released him due
to violations of his rights, including an unnecessary beating to "make
sure and keep him unconcious" after he had already been subdued. The
Prosecuting Attorney was Sen. Bedfellow (?), while Defense Council was
provided by the Court. Evidence for the Prosecution was presented by
Dr. Doolittle, Capt. Howard, Sheriff Culpepper, and Deputy Truman.
Defense testimony was presented by Mr. Pan and Dr. Frankenstien.
BEDFELLOW BESTS BEHEMOTH
In other news about the good senator, he is the only person to date
to have beaten the Sphinx (behind the glowing door, see Thursday's
POST) in all three challenges. Congratulations, Senator!
LOCH NESS MONSTER NOT SIGHTED NEAR LOBBY SIX
But many other people wandered through there over the course of the
night, as Father Flaherty of Harvard attempted to lead a group of
people in using a sword to destroy a large piece of artwork there,
saying that it was an evil object, wounding the land and trapping the
spirit of the Navaho. (The spirit of the Navaho are wandering around
as a large scary looking ghost who can talk, and who are apparently
responsible for this information. Dr. Stanz of the Ghostbusters when
asked to comment about them said "They're big and scary and people
should avoid them. They don't seem actively harmful at the moment,
however. Our investigations are continuing.") As the only sword
present was Peter Pan's, and he was unwilling to get arrested again
(for vandalism and malicious destruction, the artwork in question
belonging to PJIST), the artifact is still there, pending a board
meeting to decide whether or not PJIST wishes it destroyed. Anyone
who has seen the Navaho Shaman since Wendsday, could you please point
him in my direction, so I can ask him some questions about this?
van HELSING HELICOPTERED HOME
Last night around four to five AM, Dr. Van Helsing appeared in the
area of Skeeter's Bar and Grill, gibbering wildly and acting deathly
scared of something. After half an hour or so of attempts to calm him
down, the military, represented by Captains Howard and Hill, called in
a medical helicopter and some additional military personnel, who shot
Van Helsing with a large tranq rifle and carted him off to a hospital
in Santa Fe to assist in his recovery. Once he is better, he will be
returned to the conference. This action was agreed to and authorized
by Deputy Sheriff Truman, over the objections of PJIST spokesman
Flynn.
BUFFY BASHED?
Dr. Fluffernutter is quite worried about a young girl known
only as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Apparently she was invited to the
conference and hasn't yet arrived. There is some speculation that she
was the young girl shot several times and drained of all her blood
earlier in the week. Anyone who knows anything further about this
should contact either myself or Ms. Fluffernutter.
ADS
Mr. David Silverfield wishes it to be known that the person, persons
or entity that sent him an anonymous letter several months ago
requesting him to come to Peyote Junction and accept the writer as his
apprentice should contact Mr. Silverfield, as he's here now.
Ms. Lucia Warhol wishes it known that her painting has "gone
missing", and that there is a reward (details negotiable) offered for
it's return.
W/E/P-TORIAL
Well, I'm afraid I've already missed one day, but I believe this
covers most of the information from that. And to make up, I intend to
follow this up shortly with a list of all the information I know of so
far garnered from the investigation sights.
30 --- Jack
