[1066] in Daily_Rumour
Boston Globe
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (seborn@MIT.EDU)
Sat Sep 28 14:38:46 1996
From: seborn@MIT.EDU
To: rumor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sat, 28 Sep 1996 14:36:55 EDT
The Boston Globe, 9/28 6:30am Special Lunar Morning Edition
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Nobel Prize Updates:
After a brief arrest on the charge of possession of an illegal
slugthrower, Carmen Alexander accomplished a major breakthrough in her
chemical research. She has developed (and tested on herself) a drug that
bestows many advantages upon the imbiber, some of which could be
extremely useful in space survival situations. Her work to date and her
most recent drug were reviewed and tested by FDA agent Naomi Balen.
Nobel committee member Fred Banzai was very excited by her results.
In a tragic turn of events, Baade Lucas, who had stated she was within
a step or two of completing her research, was arrested at 2:50am
Saturday morning by Cybernetic Enforcer Kurt for illegal possession of a
slugthrower.
The previously unavailable for comment nominee, Jonathan Lyons, has
announced that his project is in the field of transportation. However,
he claims to still have quite a long way to go, and his arrest by
Cybernetic Enforcer Kurt for illegal possession of a slugthrower
simultaneous with Lucas's arrest will probably prevent him from
completing his work in time for the ceremony. However, we can all still
enjoy the giant lemur that he constructed out of chairs and duct tape in
the Aardvark room.
Julian Mason was not available for comment on the progress of his work.
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Black Sun Concert
Last night, the Black Sun, still missing half of their members, jammed
with Gary Belcher, Lethe's bassist. Slater, Black Sun's bassist, has
been missing for several days, and Jimmy, their lead vocalist, is still
in jail. The concert was instrumentally excellent, but the vocals were
somewhat lacking.
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Officer Daniels Arrested
Around 1:30am Saturday morning, Cybernetic Enforcer Kurt arrested
Officer Daniels on charges of terrorism. After attempts to contact Chief
Beakee the governor, and the assistant to the governeor failed, Officer
Daniels ordered the computer controlling the Kludgeite-brand jail to not
allow him to take himself out of his cell.
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According to sources, some illicit organizations are using cybernetic
devices to ensure the loyalty of their members, apparently believing
that if they were not controlled, they would (rightfully so!) realize
the error of their ways and turn their comrades over to the Federation
for justice.
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At 8:15pm Friday night, two tables exploded in the Aardvark Room.
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Note: Faraday vests (mentioned in the 9/26 edition of the paper) are
illegal.
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