[29231] in linux-announce channel archive
Make any chair instantly more comfortable
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Mabel Casey)
Thu Sep 30 16:53:16 2021
Date: Thu, 30 Sep 2021 16:11:11 -0400
From: "Mabel Casey" <mabel_casey@paytollsillinojs.com>
To: <linuxch-announce.discuss@charon.mit.edu>
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** Make Any Chair Instantly More Comfortable **
Upgrade your sitting experience with the Ergonomic Memory Foam Cushion Set! It will help you regain your comfort and improve your posture, all without needing to buy a whole new chair.
Upgrade comfort, Get relief.
Improve your seated comfort whether you're working from home, the office, or spending a lot of time in the car! This Orthopedic Seat Cushion is built with 100% memory foam to maximize back support and reduce the pressure on your hip and spine, and the cushion will rebound back to its original shape after use. Great for relieving stress and unnecessary pressures on the body. Choose from two colors and full or individual sets.
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Alan Stemworth Technical Engineering
58 Constitution St
Wallingford, CT 6492-3825
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<!--Something was always off with the ol' Grandier house. Neighbors went =
out of their way to avoid the place. The structure was a stunning, two stor=
y, white with red finish, farm house on twenty acres that used to grow all =
manner of beans. The soil had long ago been overrun with weeds and natural =
vegetation. Workers had long stopped showing up for work long before Mrs. H=
elen Grandier passed away a week back. Some said her passing was of old age=
, counting 178 years. Others said that she didn?t die, as much as, walked h=
erself into the underworld. She left behind her young husband and their thr=
ee grown children. The town knew about her death because one of her daughte=
rs took their horse and buggy to the local grocery store for supplies. To t=
he local?s recollection, this was the first time the woman had been to the =
store. The cashier supervisor, a frumpy woman named Candy, related her obse=
rvation with the women at the local beauty salon the next day. ?My dear sta=
rs, one of them Grandier women comes in looking as pale as a snow rabbit co=
vered in flour. She approached one of the shopping carts as though it was s=
omething from one of them ?sci-fi? movies. Randy, Patricia?s son, had to sh=
ow her how to get it free from the stack. Then the pale princess moves thro=
ugh the aisles taking all sorts of basic supplies. Sugar, flour, oatmeal. D=
amn near cleaned out the shelves of those things. Mr. Richards watched all =
this happen and told her that she had to leave no less than five of each so=
other customers can get a chance. Well, she filled the cart and was hoveri=
ng around the checkout line not knowing where to go. I guided her to Tracy,=
Virginia?s daughter, to check out. She walks the cart straight to the regi=
ster without putting one item on the conveyor belt. Can you believe that? S=
o I says to her, ?Sweetie doll, you need to put those items on the conveyor=
belt.? She looked at me as if I was speaking Russian. So, I do the right t=
hing and help her with her groceries. Anyways,Tracy rings her up and gives =
the total. And do you know what this woman does? She goes to pay with a han=
dful of the most beautiful gold jewelry you have never seen. I told her, ?S=
weetie doll, you can?t be paying for this with jewelry, you need money. Do =
you have any money?? She puts the jewelry back in the purse and says, ?My m=
omma don?t be needing these no more. She done died and went to see the ferr=
yman.? I looked at her, not knowing how to best comfort her. My face must h=
ave said something that my lips couldn?t. She pulled out several crisp fift=
y dollar bills. Something seemed fishy about them, so I takes a look at the=
m. All real, all from 1952 as if they came out of the US Mint yesterday. An=
yways, Tracy takes the money and I had Gerald, you know the slow boy, help =
her load the goods onto her buggy. Into the sunset she rode. I mean, what a=
kook.?
The women all agreed with her ?kook? assessment, adding their own personal =
opinions. Henrietta Horlandia brought the story home to her son, Thomas, wh=
o had just fled the big city for the safety of the rural bubble. He was awa=
re that Johnny Law was looking for him on the streets of New York for infor=
mation about a series of residential invasions. His mother was less informe=
d about his activities, thinking that he had come home to help her out. A g=
leam in his eyes shone when his mother talked about the ?most beautiful gol=
d jewelry you have ever seen.? He figured that a ten minute hustle through =
of the country home would get him the jewelry and a descent attorney in the=
big city. He grabbed at the thought that some adventure might relieve the =
boredom of rural life. Thomas began casing the Grandier home. He took resid=
ence on a nearby hill to watch the occupants through a pair of his grandfat=
her?s military binoculars. He spent much time on a perch getting the inform=
ation he needed to plan the heist. Two weeks of daytime watching taught him=
everything he needed to know. He counted the number of people in the home,=
their routine and locations of hiding places to access coming and going. H=
e saw that the Grandier family would leave for the matriarch?s grave site f=
ar back on the family land around 11 am. They would travel by horse, have t=
heir service, eat lunch, have a second service and leave for home around 2 =
pm. Thomas knew this was ample time to get in and out with enough of that h=
igh end treasure or maybe some sweet mint fifty dollar bills without anyone=
being the wiser. He planned the route in, his entrance and his escape home=
through a shaded gully. The sun was bright overhead that next Sunday morni=
ng. Thomas made his way to a hiding place that gave him a good vantage of t=
he family?s exodus. Everyone of the Grandier family made their way out of t=
he front door, all dressed in black like usual. The horse and ancient buggy=
began up the long road to the family cemetery kicking up dirt behind its p=
rogress. Thomas bit his lip in anticipation. He loved the rush that came fr=
om breaking and entering. The planning, the danger, the reward. The path to=
the paint-chipped door was clear. Thomas had not seen anyone lock the door=
behind them, which he knew was typical for country folk. The wooden stairs=
and porch creaked under his shoes as if to offer him one last chance to re=
consider. He thieved his way into the foyer for an initial look around. Sun=
light refracted at the window panes, casting the inside into shadows incons=
istent with the light that came in. He was baffled how the light inside was=
able to create nonsensical shadows. He wasn?t sure, but he could have swor=
n that the shadows moved in place. The interior of the home smelled like ex=
pired cheese. The house walls were covered in wallpaper that had never seen=
a change since the original construction. Thomas looked at his watch to be=
gin his time countdown from 11:10. To his dismay, a solid ten minutes had p=
assed since his entrance through the door. He immediately concluded that hi=
s watch must be having a malfunction. He took a brief walk through of the l=
ower level to make sure everyone was gone. The kitchen, living room, parlor=
and library had only distant memories and dust dancing in the air. Experie=
nce had shown him that upstairs was the most likely place for valuables to =
be kept. Thomas moved towards the wooden stairs for the bedrooms. He dared =
to consider that this family would have a safe, though by their rustic inno=
cence, he concluded that they most likely did not. He counted fourteen stai=
rs to a landing and then another four to the top up to the left. He counted=
stairs as an important means to gauge timing in case he needed a hasty exi=
t. He took the stairs with ease. When he was at the second stair, Thomas in=
stinctively counted twenty stairs up to the landing and six to the second f=
loor. He stopped in place. He wondered how there had been an error in his c=
ounting. The progress upwards took forever by Thomas? perspective. His eyes=
continually scanned the second floor for any possible movement. The upstai=
rs level consisted of six doors. He concluded that one was a bathroom, one =
was a closet and the other four were bedrooms. The master bedroom was usual=
ly farthest from the staircase by his years of snatch and grabbing. Thomas =
moved along the wooden floorboards, keeping close to the wall. Floor boards=
closest to the wall had less chances of making noise and giving away his i=
ntrusion. He had learned never to assume that everyone was covered in the o=
riginal count. Assuming that everyone who left was everyone in the home was=
an amateur mistake that he learned by the end of gun one day. He peered in=
to each room, making sure the rooms were empty of unaccounted for family. H=
e checked his watch. Thirty more minutes had passed by the hands. His time =
piece was at 11:50. The timing made no sense for Thomas who expected to be =
far gone by this time. Frustration at his watch?s malfunction built quickly=
He had seen his watch slow with a dying battery, but had never seen it sp=
eed up. Thomas entered the master bedroom with a heightened caution. Erie, =
hand made paintings of naked old people dancing in the arctic did nothing t=
o calm his nerves. An aged cherry, dresser clock agreed with his watch. A d=
eep chill ran through his spine. The single time he experienced this feelin=
g was when the gun meant to kill him jammed during a break in long ago. Tho=
mas pushed past his growing terror. He looked around the museum old room fo=
r a jewelry box. Nothing was available. Thomas concluded that since the old=
er daughter had the jewelry last, maybe the goods were in her room. He figu=
red by the simple layout that her room would be located across from the sta=
ircase. He noticed a deep humming all throughout the upstairs, becoming mor=
e obscene as he made his way through the hall. The sound was unaccounted fo=
r. Thomas wondered if he had eaten something earlier that was playing trick=
s with his perception. The shadows downstairs, the stair count, the time pa=
ssing and now the odd sounds. He left the master bedroom and came out into =
the downstairs kitchen in between his natural blinking. Thomas froze with o=
verwhelmed panic. The kitchen clock showed that he had been in the house fo=
r over an hour. His watch confirmed the time of 12:32. Thomas no longer car=
ed about the jewelry and hope for a fancy lawyer man. The need to get out o=
f this place coursed through him. He went to the window, not trusting that =
he would be able to exit through doorways anymore. His hands pushed at the =
window frame to move upwards. Nothing happened. The locks appeared to be fr=
ee. It was as if the frame was glued in place. Thomas?s emotional value evo=
lved into full panic. He rushed out of the room, ending up straight into wh=
at looked like the daughter?s upstairs bedroom. The dresser clock told him =
that another 15 minutes had passed. 12:47. A slight whistling sound began t=
o make itself known. Thomas? heart was racing like that one time he took to=
o much nose powder. An aspect of robbing other people?s homes that he truly=
enjoyed was the sense of control he felt being in someone?s home without t=
heir permission. Thomas no longer felt that he was in control. The woman?s =
purse was on an old rocking chair in the far corner under the portrait of w=
hat looked like an old sea captain. A light ray of joy crept through the fo=
g of terror Thomas was experiencing. He rushed to the chair pushed open the=
bag. Gold jewelry and a bundle of fresh fifty dollar bills were the only c=
ontents. The smile of success took over his face, alleviating some of the e=
motional burden. He had reinforced the pants pocket stitching long ago for =
the weight of the loot. He knew well enough that a person leaving a home ca=
rrying a bag looks suspicious. A person simply walking out of a home raised=
less attention. Specially made pockets made for lots of goodies with less =
suspicion. Thomas filled his deep, woven pockets with the money and every p=
iece of jewelry in the bag. Thomas? goal was now to leave the house before =
any other unexplained phenomena derailed his final exit. He kept his eyes w=
ide open leaving her room, hoping to avoid another transportation. Somethin=
g passed across the upstairs window, causing a temporary shadow. Thomas fou=
nd himself in the parlor as he stepped into the upstairs hallway. He dared =
to look at his watch. His body shook with fear. If much more time had passe=
d, he would be caught with the valuables. Thomas knew enough about country =
folk to understand that many of them dealt ?shotgun justice.?
His body began to shake without control. Regardless of the unusual circumst=
ances, time was closing in. The family would be home soon. He wasn?t prepar=
ed to handle such a scenario. His worst case time in the home of this size =
was 20 minutes at the most. His watch told him that the time was now 1:40. =
He moved to the parlor windows. They were also stuck with clearly open latc=
hes. Thomas feared how much more time would pass if he crossed through the =
room entrance. The buggy would be back soon, assuming that the family hadn?=
t left early. He believed that he had no choice but to roll fate?s dice and=
exit the room. Thomas stepped through the doorway into the hallway without=
any change of location. A shimmering of color moved past across his immedi=
ate vision. He felt confused and scared. Immediately, something felt uncomf=
ortably wrong. His clothing felt oddly heavier, bulkier. His steps down the=
hallway felt more labored as though he was wearing heavy boots, while carr=
ying clothes made of lead. The growing urge to shed his shoes and clothes b=
ecame obsessive. Thomas felt as though he was moving through molasses. Ever=
y step through the back hallway was an effort. He felt an overwhelming comp=
ulsion to get to the living room. The logical part of his brain explained t=
o him that the living room was close to the front door. Thomas seemed less =
interested in leaving at this time. His steps continued to be more labored.=
He decided to shed his watch in the hallway. No, that?s evidence, he told =
himself. Thomas didn?t care anymore. His shirt followed next onto the dusty=
, hallway carpet runner. The weight he sensed diminished with each item off=
He shed his shoes and socks as he moved ahead. His progress increased. Th=
e living room was just down the hall now. Thomas removed his pants and unde=
rwear as he rounded into the sunlit living room with the shadows that had b=
een all wrong. His prized jewelry was no longer a concern as it spilled int=
o the hallway. He felt lighter, almost floating. Nothing in the world matte=
red anymore as Thomas searched his hands. They seemed more ashen than norma=
l with a sense of being two dimensional. Under most circumstances, this wou=
ld have been overwhelmingly confusing. In the moment, Thomas felt at peace =
as if he had finally arrived in perfect form. Thomas did not notice the sou=
nds of hooves moving over dirt filtered into the room signaling the return =
of the family.=20
He could see the shadow shapes clearer now. He realized that they weren?t p=
atches of dark but the outlines of other people in shadowed form. They look=
ed to be attached onto the various surfaces around the room as blurry outli=
nes of their former selves. Each one was looking at their hands as if there=
was some mystery which beckoned their absolute attention. Thomas moved tow=
ards the wall closest to the front door. He backed himself against the dust=
y wallpaper becoming one with the surface. The family disembarked from the =
buggy outside. Thomas was completely unaware of their arrival. The family p=
rocession moved onto the wooden porch, reaching the sun-stained door. Lula =
May was the first to let in the sunlight. She saw the discarded clothes on =
the floor. Her eyebrows furrowed.=20
?Pa, looks like we gots ourselves another one of them shadows somewhere in =
the living room.? The patriarch moved into the hallway. ?Yup, looks like th=
is one was looking for Mama Helen?s jewelry.? Jasper replied with a bit of =
ambivalence. ?Some fool ain?t no good fer this here world no more. Damn sha=
me people have to be like that.? Judie Anne observed from behind. ?Well, it=
can spend eternity doing like the rest of ?em. They ain?t a bothering anyo=
ne anyhow.? Jasper commented as he wiped the dust and moisture from his for=
ehead. ?Judie Anne, get onta cleaning these here piles of rags off the grou=
nd. Make sure to put Mama?s jewelry back. I?m tired like a hound dog after =
a hunt and it?s time for some shut eye.?
?Alright Pa, I reckon a nap sounds about right for you.? Jasper made his wa=
y up the ten stairs to the landing and then three more to the second floor.=
Judie Anne moved about clearing the items off the floor. She carried them =
to a giant trunk in the library. With one hand she opened the solid lid to =
reveal a pile of likewise, abandoned possessions. Thomas? clothing was toss=
ed onto the top with little regard. She closed the lid with a breath of ann=
oyance. Judie Anne left the library and went into the kitchen for some wate=
r. Thomas was absolutely amazed by his hands as though they held the secret=
s to the universe. He never stopped studying them as the decades past by, u=
naware of the new shadows that took residence around the room, each searchi=
ng their own hands. The rest of his existence was as a two dimensional figu=
re that looked like a blurred shadow against a farm house wall.--->=20
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olor: #414042; background: #b9be38; line-height: 17px;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/1976Sz239K5aB86O10z59ebJ9cfq40Phbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47DQDoQoS6Jr10vW6fMs@Mv/cackler-bringers"=
> SHOP NOW </a></td>=20
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<td> </td>=20
<td style=3D"font-size: 30px; color: #414042;" align=3D"center" wi=
dth=3D"400"><strong>Choose from two colors and full or individual sets.</st=
rong></td>=20
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eight=3D"25"> </td>=20
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<tr>=20
<td align=3D"center"><a href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/1976Sz239K5aB86O10z59ebJ9cfq40Phbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47DQDoQoS6Jr10vW6fMs@Mv/cackler-bringers"> <img style=3D"width: 530p=
x;" src=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/barbarities-Ligget/a8G4s2395vU7Ia11k59Nf6z9cfA40Dhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47PQDoQoS5B1J0o6WMX@sv" alt=3D"Full set cushions on chairs" width=3D"530" /=
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cing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0">=20
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eight=3D"25"> </td>=20
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<td align=3D"center" bgcolor=3D"#b9be38" width=3D"150"><a clas=
s=3D"button_link" style=3D"padding: 6px; width: 150px; display: block; text=
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ht: bold; font-size: 15px; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif, 'Open Sans'; c=
olor: #414042; background: #b9be38; line-height: 17px;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/1976Sz239K5aB86O10z59ebJ9cfq40Phbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47DQDoQoS6Jr10vW6fMs@Mv/cackler-bringers"=
> SHOP NOW </a></td>=20
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eight=3D"65"> </td>=20
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<tr>=20
<td style=3D"color: #636363;" align=3D"center">Alan Stemworth Technica=
l Engineering</td>=20
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<td style=3D"color: #636363;" align=3D"center">58 Constitution St</td>=
=20
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<td style=3D"color: #636363;" align=3D"center">Wallingford, CT 6492-38=
25</td>=20
</tr>=20
<tr>=20
<td style=3D"color: #636363;" align=3D"center">Click <a href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/barbarities-Ligget/be85m23_95R8rk610e59ecM9cfr40Ahbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47lQDoQoS6O1PF0m6Xzskv2" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener">here</a> to end further messaging.=
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<p> </p>=20
<p> </p>=20
<p> </p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">Time is a funny thing. It never seems =
to be on your side. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">Especially at stupid o'clock in the mo=
rning when you're in the middle of a dark forest running from psychopaths w=
ith silent helicopters. And it's just <em>that much worse</em> wh=
en, added to a midnight helicopter chase, you have to be at a secret meetin=
g by three am. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">My life was <em>that</em> mu=
ch more interesting, thanks to it all.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">There was no time to think, just run a=
nd run and run. But I needed to make sure that if I wasn't going to get the=
re early or on time I didn't go at all, because if I didn't make it I'd be =
marked DEAD in the logbook, but if I got there late, I really <em>woul=
d</em> be dead - shot in the neck with a poison arrow before I could s=
ay ?ouch?. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">The big problem with that was that I c=
ouldn't tell what time it was. I'd only brought my analog watch, which woul=
d be fine in the daytime when the sun was out and I could <em>see</em>=
the clock face, but in the dead of night, it was useless. The moon an=
d stars were shining brilliantly, but in order to see by their light I'd ha=
ve to step out of the cover of the trees and that would mean getting caught=
- seen by the helicopters and shot at until I was dead. </span></p>=
=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">I couldn't call for ba<a style=3D"colo=
r: #ffffff;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/51b4t2395Pj8U611o59PedF9cfI40ihbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47nQDoQoS6mW1GP05gXzsv/administered-locus">ckup because I had no means of communicati=
on with anyone. Well, I had an earpiece that was connected to one of the he=
licopters' radio systems (it had taken me months to get ahold of it, and I =
was very proud of myself), but it was no use talking to <em>them</em>.=
Besides, I wasn't even sure how to talk to them - I only knew how to liste=
n for the words <em>Golden-crowned kinglet</em> (we found them!) =
and <em>snowdrops</em> (search is up, we <em>didn't</em>&nbs=
p;find them).</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/51b4t2395Pj8U611o59PedF9cfI40ihbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47nQDoQoS6mW1GP05gXzsv/administered-locus">Snowdrops seemed like they were never coming. </a></span></=
p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/51b4t2395Pj8U611o59PedF9cfI40ihbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47nQDoQoS6mW1GP05gXzsv/administered-locus">So I ran and ran and ran, avoiding clearings, never stopping, ne=
ver looking back. The helicopters weren't like planes; they could land in a=
ny clearing they wanted to, no landing strip required. And they were fast. =
Way fast. But I could be fast, too, especially if it was absolutely necessa=
ry to get away as fast as possible. My shoes had a few handy tricks up thei=
r sleeves. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">But for now, it was just me running as=
fast as I possibly could. I'd been trained to run like the wind for a whil=
e, but not two hours. My lungs and legs were burning, and I was getting deh=
ydrated, and although it was a cool night, I was sweating a river. I was ge=
tting tired. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">Finally, I <em>had</em> to s=
top. There was no way I could keep going for a second longer. I stopped und=
er a very large tree. It had a nice, thick canopy that would be perfect for=
hiding. I couldn't keep moving, but I needed to. My body was cooling down =
dangerously fast. I didn't have any foil, but even if I did, I wouldn't've =
dared bring it out. It was way too noisy. I whimpered once, a small sound t=
hat I covered with my hand. It would be no good to me to get captured now, =
even if they might have foil and a comforta<a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" hre=
f=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/2695DY2395IB8M612IO5H9eeS9cfj40Bhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47IQDoQoS6J10ITH6uqNsTv/intolerable-nitty">ble bed. They had some treacherous torture devices that I =
was not about to face. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/2695DY2395IB8M612IO5H9eeS9cfj40Bhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47IQDoQoS6J10ITH6uqNsTv/intolerable-nitty">After two minutes, I noticed it. The whir of chopper blades gett=
ing closer and closer. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/2695DY2395IB8M612IO5H9eeS9cfj40Bhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47IQDoQoS6J10ITH6uqNsTv/intolerable-nitty"><em>Uh-oh</em>.</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/2695DY2395IB8M612IO5H9eeS9cfj40Bhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47IQDoQoS6J10ITH6uqNsTv/intolerable-nitty">Somehow, it had been obvious that I was still moving when I was =
running. But now that I was staying in one place?</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/2695DY2395IB8M612IO5H9eeS9cfj40Bhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47IQDoQoS6J10ITH6uqNsTv/intolerable-nitty">I cursed and looked around. By the sound of it, they'd drop down=
in only one minute, and I couldn't let them know that I was on the run onc=
e more. The nearest clearing was about a two minutes' run (or, at least, fo=
r them it probably would be), so that gave me four minutes to get the heck =
away. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/2695DY2395IB8M612IO5H9eeS9cfj40Bhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47IQDoQoS6J10ITH6uqNsTv/intolerable-nitty">Fine. Lord, if that's how you wanna play it, then <em>fine.=
</em> I slipped off my shoes and stuffed them in my back pockets befor=
e starting to tiptoe through the trees. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">I didn't make a sound.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">I didn't disturb anything except the v=
ery grass underneath my feet. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">I didn't stop, or go faster, or anythi=
ng, even though I had to pee like I had to breathe. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">Finally, I found what I wanted: a big,=
sturdy tree with a full canopy and enough branches down low that I could m=
anage to climb it. I did so slowly and carefully and quietly as humanly pos=
sible. In ten minutes, I was at a good enough place. I grabbed my shoes fro=
m my bag and put them on in case I needed a quick escape. </span></p>=
=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">Hiding in the top of the tree, with my knees tucked to my chest =
and my eyes searching for movement and my ears listening intently, I was ca=
lm. The world was peaceful. And I'd spent <em>oh</em> so much ene=
rgy, running and climbing and moving for hours. I was <em>tired</em>. =
My body needed rest. And so, within minutes, I fell asleep.</a></span></p>=
=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">I woke with a start to the sound of a branch cracking. I sat up =
straighter than a stick and swiveled my head from right to left. The sun wa=
s just starting to rise, and I could hear voices down below. </a></spa=
n></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">?Oh, come on, Jim, not <em>again!</em>?</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">?You'll wake her up with all that yelling, Lou!? a male voice, p=
resumably Jim, hissed back. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">?Well, you'll wake her up with all that racket with your branch-=
breaking!? Lou responded, speaking lower this time. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">Footsteps. The sound of a gun being readied. ?Who is it?? Jim de=
manded.</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">?Just me! Clarissa!? piped a small voice. Jim and Lou let out a =
breath.</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">?Come on, you're light, maybe you can get up without falling,? L=
ou sighed. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">?Hey!? </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/intolerable-nitty/8dc5I239U5VsG8611w5q9efL9cfU40Shbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47bQDoQoS6dX1k0L6UlzOsv">Clarissa began to climb, and I prayed and prayed that she was ju=
st as awful at climbing trees. I could hear her getting closer and closer, =
and so I prayed some more. She was awfully close, but on the other side of =
the tree, when I heard it. Footsteps. So soft I could barely make them out,=
but definitely footsteps. And then, the <em>whoosh</em> of an ar=
row and the <em>thump-thump-thump </em>of Clarissa's body falling=
from the tree, knocking against the branches. </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">?Clariss-? but Jim's voice was cut off=
when an arrow lodged into his throat, too, and then Lou's. So fast, it cou=
ld only be one person shooting. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">?Amber?? I called out softly, beginnin=
g to make my way down the tree. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">A sigh. ?I don't know <em>how</em=
> you manage to get yourself into these situations.?</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">I grinned, scrambling down as fast as =
I could. ?Well, it usually starts out when your sister's messages get inter=
cepted and I get chased by the stupid Choppers.?</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">Amber laughed as I jumped from the las=
t branch and turned to face her. ?That's true. It usually <em>is</em>&=
nbsp;Emerald's fault. I knew something was up when you didn't show up to th=
e meeting last night, so I went looking for you afterward. Did you know you=
still have a tracking device on you??</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">I swore to myself, feeling in my hair =
for the blue clip. Amber laughed again as I dropped it on the ground and st=
omped on it with my foot to break the hard shell. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">?So <em>that's</em> how they=
knew where I was!? I exclaimed, picking the chip up from the ground and ex=
amining it. ?Man, I thought I must've been super loud or something, but I w=
as just stupid enough to leave this thing in!?</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">?We all make mistakes. Now, come on, l=
et's go back. Now that the meeting's over, I can guarantee we won't get sho=
t.?</span></p>=20
<p> </p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">The sky was dark. The only sound was t=
he rain hitting the cold wet metal roof top. It made rough rhythmical sound=
s. Some sounded like soft dings, while others were loud short bangs. And oc=
casionally a loose branch would grow weak and fall, hitting the metal with =
a loud crack and thud before it slid off. It might have scared someone, but=
I was the only one around to hear it for miles. There were no other log ca=
bins around, just mine. It was hidden in the thick forest, surrounded by mi=
ghty firs, and strong pines that stood tall. All the trees seemed to close =
in all the sound and muffle it. So even if there was another soul out in th=
e woods, they wouldn't hear me, and me them. But that was one of the things=
I liked about being out here. there was no one else around. I truly got to=
see what it was like to be alone with nature. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">It wasn't strange for me to be sitting=
outside in the rain in the middle of night time, despite how weird it may =
sound. But it was how I got my best thinking done, which was important for =
my job. I was an author, and a good one at that. And whenever I had writer'=
s block I found being outside helped clear the mind. no matter what the wea=
ther. In fact sometimes the storms helped me to think. I would take in all =
the extra sensory, and throw it into a story. Like one of my best selling b=
ooks, "Through the Heart", had one of it's best scenes written du=
e to me being outside in a thunderstorm. How else to describe the fear a wo=
man lost in the woods during a hurricane, then to throw yourself into a lig=
htning storm surrounded by tall trees? Some may think the method madness, b=
ut it worked for me and I stuck by it. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">Tonight I didn't sit in the rain over =
a book though. I sat in my fraying wicker chair for peace. I had been tryin=
g to fall asleep, but my mind kept racing back to that phone call I got rig=
ht before bed. And I was in no mood to answer the question that had been as=
ked. But I also didn't want to think about it. So after what felt like seve=
ral hours, I got up put on my rain coat, and stepped outside. </span><=
/p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> It must have been 1 =
O clock in the morning, but I didn't care. The moggy air of early July mixe=
d with the cool rain helped take the edge off of me. I closed my eyes, and =
breathed steadily as I let the rain run down my cheeks. I had the hood of t=
he coat down, and my black hair was plastered down my neck by the rain. I c=
ould feel water that escaped the coat running idly down my back, giving me =
goosebumps on , and off. I knew by the time I was back inside I would be so=
aked, and would need to take a warm shower, and put on dry warm clothes bef=
ore going to bed. But that didn't matter now. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> Even as wet as I was=
I could feel the fat droplets hit me, with a small bead of coldness before=
they joined the river going down my skin. I could taste the slight sweetne=
ss of a summer rain on my wet lips, when I licked them. Between the poundin=
g of rain on my roof I could her the shuffle of wet leaves being hit, and b=
roken branches falling in the far away distance. When I opened my eyes slig=
htly I could see beads of rain on my lashes, and they felt heavy and weighe=
d down until I blinked them off. And even though it was dark, and the heavy=
rain blurred everything I could still see rays of moonlight escaping the b=
lanket of dark clouds. And the lights from my house offered a warm orange g=
low, that seemed to shimmer in the rain. And slowly I could feel my water l=
ogged clothes getting heavier, and my bedroom slippers getting squishy...it=
probably wasn't the best idea to wear those outside. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> Slowly I could=
feel myself coming to ease, and eventually I stood up and made way for ind=
oors. Knowing I would come back as a walking puddle I had left a fresh clea=
n towel folded by the front door. I place the wet raincoat on the front doo=
r's doorknob outside, so it could drip dry on the porch. Then i picked up t=
he towel wrapping it as tightly as I could around myself, and wet clothes. =
I took my dripping slippers off, and went to my laundry room. Once there I =
placed the slippers, and my wet clothes in the washer, and tightly wound th=
e towel around my hair on top of my head. I honestly cared not if my Orange=
tabby cat, Boris, would be offended by my nudity. So walking into my bathr=
oom I took a quick hot shower, put on a tank top and shorts, and climbed in=
to bed. Shortly after I closed my eyes I was asleep, and didn't think a win=
k about that call. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">--------------------------------------=
--------</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> When I was a l=
ittle kid I had so many memories with my Dad in them. And as far as I can r=
emember they were all good. Playing in the yard with my two older siblings,=
while he did yard work, and he would stop so often to join us. Even if it =
meant messing up his work, or delaying the process. Jumping in leave piles =
with us, that he took hour gathering. Spraying us with the hose in the summ=
er, as he washed his car. Climbing the trees with us, even though he was su=
ppose to be pruning the branches. Picking blackberries off the bushes, and =
eating them with us, instead of mowing. He said the work could always wait,=
because the time with his three favorite girls was worth putting off the w=
ork.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> And ther=
e were far many more memories of him, that it was hard to summarize the bes=
t ones, or even the most important ones. Because the truth was, they all we=
re great, and they each had a special place in my heart.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> So when =
I was twelve, and someone at the front office at school told me that my mom=
was here to pick me up in the middle of the school day I knew something wa=
s up. Mom never randomly just took us out of school. Not even for a doctors=
appointment. She would always try and schedule those late, so we barely mi=
ssed any class, if any. So when I saw my Mom all puffy eyed and quiet when =
I walked up to her, and my two older twin sisters stood next to her with th=
e same worried and confused expression I wore, I got scared. I tried to ask=
mom what was going on, but she just shook her head and ushered us all out.=
My siste<a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/89f5f2s395vT86S12hQ59fP0W9cfL40jhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47FQDoQoS6KW1x0h6RXyjsv/Poussin-commented">rs, and I kept ey=
es each other trying to speak through our minds. We all were asking the sam=
e question: What was going on? And why was mom being quiet? She never was t=
his quiet.</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/89f5f2s395vT86S12hQ59fP0W9cfL40jhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47FQDoQoS6KW1x0h6RXyjsv/Poussin-commented"> It wasn't until we got into the SUV that=
she turned around in her seat, and finally really looked at us. I remember=
her eyes staring at us, but they didn't seem focused. And it made me scare=
d. I remember my sister, Kathie, taking a hold of my hand. And then mom sai=
d words that seemed to just echo in my head for hours. "Girls this is =
very important, and it is very hard for mommy to say, so listen close. Caus=
e I don't think I will be brave enough to say it again. Something awful hap=
pend today. Your father...he was driving to work this morning...like every =
other day...and there was a terrible accident. Something with a semi trunk.=
.I don't know. All I know is...it was very bad....and they couldn't save h=
im. Babies...daddy is gone." And she said it with a weak voice, but it=
was steady and clear. And then she started crying. I don't remember if I s=
aid anything, but I did remember the confusion, and then the pain. And then=
I was shaking and crying. We all were. And we held each other, and we sat =
in the SUV like that for a long time. For the rest of the school year I cou=
ldn't look at that parking spot without thinking of that day. </a></sp=
an></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/89f5f2s395vT86S12hQ59fP0W9cfL40jhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47FQDoQoS6KW1x0h6RXyjsv/Poussin-commented"> The first year was a little rough, and t=
ook some adapting. But after some time we were all able to get back to some=
kind of form of normal. And as the years</a> went by we moved along, and m=
y mom remarried a man named Tim. Tim was a great guy, and loved my sisters =
and I. And we loved him. He was able to fill the role of our father fairly =
well. Sure it was never the same kind of love a little girl could have for =
her real father. And no one could truly replace my dad, and his smile. But =
it was something. Father's days got better, the father figure that liked to=
scare first dates with crazy questions in high school was played off well,=
and he even walked my sister, Kathy, down the aisle at her wedding. Everyt=
hing went on, and i din't forget my father, but I learned how to live witho=
ut him. Life was normal again.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> But now =
as a thirty year old me, that was a successful author, that visited her fam=
ily several times a year, had my world shaken, and torn apart. It all start=
ed with that phone call around 8:30 p.m.. </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> I had be=
en watching TV when I got a phone call from my mother. It wasn't uncommon f=
or her to call at night on a weekend, so I answered the same cheery way i a=
lways did, "Hi Momma, how are you? You just catch me watching your fav=
orite show, The Golden Girls. What's up?"</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> Her end =
of the line was quiet for some time, and I began to wonder if she butt dial=
ed. Right before I was about to ask her, she spoke in a quiet and paused vo=
ice. "Jenny, darling...I have some news. It's big...and unbelievable..=
honestly it is hard to say over the phone. i still don't quite believe it =
myself...it's a lot to take in. It feels like a dream." Her voice was =
so slow, and careful i thought maybe she was sleep talking.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> I turned=
the TV off, and softly laughed, "Ok mom, you are acting weird. What i=
s it? Is it good news? Are you sure you aren't sleeping right now?"</s=
pan></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> I heard =
her lightly blow out a breath on her line, and there was a long pause again=
"No...I'm wide awake. Believe me...this news is huge. And it is good=
..unbelievable...unrealistic...I still can't comprehend how"</span></=
p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> I =
furrowed my eye brows, and held the phone closer to me, "Ok Mom, spit =
it out already. If it's as good as you say it is, then I'm a little surpris=
ed you aren't singing it to me."</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> N<a styl=
e=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/sandman-diabetic/2e24E2395b86wo12l5k9f1nz9cfm40Ohbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47CQDoQoS6Y10ugI5YM2sv">ormally this is where she would l=
augh, but her voice got soft...almost caring. Like I was a little girl she =
was trying not to spook. "Ok right...now are you sitting down? You mig=
ht want to sit down for this." </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/sandman-diabetic/2e24E2395b86wo12l5k9f1nz9cfm40Ohbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47CQDoQoS6Y10ugI5YM2sv"> I looked at my phones screen=
confused, as if she could see my face. "Yes mom, I am sitting. Now sp=
ill. You are making the suspense last too long, and I should know. After al=
l, I am an author."</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/sandman-diabetic/2e24E2395b86wo12l5k9f1nz9cfm40Ohbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47CQDoQoS6Y10ugI5YM2sv"> "Right," she said =
then cleared her throat, "Jenny baby, your father...he is alive."=
</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/sandman-diabetic/2e24E2395b86wo12l5k9f1nz9cfm40Ohbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47CQDoQoS6Y10ugI5YM2sv"> I don't know why, but I bust=
ed out laughing. It took me a little while to get myself together. My mom h=
ad to say my name three times, before I was composed enough to speak. I was=
smiling big now, "Oh dang mom, that was a good one! I was definitely =
not expecting that. Did Tim put you up to this? You have gotten way better =
at your acting. You really sounded like you had some crazy news. Let me tal=
k to Tim. I have to congratulate him on his good work teaching you."&n=
bsp;</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/sandman-diabetic/2e24E2395b86wo12l5k9f1nz9cfm40Ohbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47CQDoQoS6Y10ugI5YM2sv"> But mom wasn't laughing. The=
re was a short take in of breath, and I swore she rolled her eyes. But what=
she said next told me otherwise, "Jen, I'm not joking. I know it is h=
ard to believe...and I'm sure you have questions. I know I did...here. Mayb=
e you will believe me if you talk</a> to him." </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> &n=
bsp;I sat there with a smile on my face, waiting for Tim to come on. After =
I heard a shuffle of the phone being passed over I spoke, "Hey Tim! Yo=
u must really be the master of jokes, because mom has never been this good!=
You will have to teach me sometime. Maybe you can help me write a comedy.&=
quot;</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> &n=
bsp;There was a long pause, and I was waiting for Tim's loud laugh to inter=
rupt the peace, but it didn't. Instead another voice came on. A voice that =
transported me back to a time when I was a little girl eating ice cream, wh=
ile sitting on her daddy's lap. "Hey Jenny-bug, it's so good to hear y=
our voice. And you became a writer like you always dreamed. I hope I can re=
ad one of your books one day." </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> &n=
bsp; I was quite, as my phone dropped from my hand, and my mouth opene=
d, but no sound came out. Jenny-bug...only my father ever called me that. A=
nd that voice...even over the phone, and years of not hearing it I knew it =
was his. And he use to always say he couldn't wait to read my books. My hea=
rt started to pound. And I could hear the voice still, he was asking if I w=
as there. I picked the phone off the couch, and held it in a death grip. I =
wanted to say Dad, or Daddio, like I use to call him. But I hadn't called a=
nyone that in years...it felt like another language. Instead I barely whisp=
ered, "I'm here..."</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> &n=
bsp; His voice was just as I remembered. It didn't even sound aged. Hi=
s voice was gentle, and i could hardly hear him through the buzzing sound t=
hat formed in my ears. "I know it is hard to understand...maybe even b=
elieve, but I'm alive. A lot happend in those eighteen years, and I am so s=
orry. I wish I could have seen you girls all grow up, but I had to take car=
e of something important, and I wasn't allowed to tell any<a style=3D"color=
: #ffffff;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/administered-locus/1984G2395u8O6I11B5u9f2R9cfX40fhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47EQDoQoS5j10sC5jpsTv">one the truth. I know you must have a lot o=
f questions, and i would be more than happy to answer them. If we could mee=
t in person I would love that. I would understand, if you needed time to th=
ink though. This is a lot to throw at you." his voice grew stronger th=
e more he talked. But for me the buzzing sound kept growing, </a></spa=
n></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/administered-locus/1984G2395u8O6I11B5u9f2R9cfX40fhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47EQDoQoS5j10sC5jpsTv"> The little girl in me =
that missed her father, and his hugs wanted to run to him right now, and as=
k him a million questions. But the women that learned to make it through he=
r grief, and moved on past her father's death was hesitant. Did I even know=
this man? he said he was my father, and sounded like him. But what man wou=
ld put his family through this. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to be happy,=
but mostly I wanted</a> to cry. Eventually I worked up the nerve to speak,=
"I don't think I can talk right now...this is all too much. I just ne=
ed to think. Can I please talk to mom again?" I shoved the little girl=
inside of me that wanted to rant on about everything thing to her dad.&nbs=
p;</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> I =
could hear a hint of disappointment on his voice, but he replied, "Alr=
ight Jenny-bug, I can respect that. Just know I love you." </span=
></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> He=
aring those last three words hammered at the dam that held all my emotions =
of the loss of my father, and threatened to crack open. I had to squeeze my=
eyes shut to prevent tears. After another shuffled sound mom was back on t=
he line. I could tell she was trying to sooth me now. "Hey baby, I kno=
w. I felt the same way. It's a lot." </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> I =
nodded even though she couldn't see me, "Yea..." then I blew out =
a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. "I don't even...how? It =
doesn't matter. I think I need time to think...alone." </span></p=
>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> He=
r soothing voice continued, "I know. I did too. I guess I'll call your=
sisters now. But call me when you figured it all out. You father would l<a=
style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/b156Gm23h95lk86n11G59fP3y9cfq40Phbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47cQDoQoS7DiZ1t0g5O2ksv/Poussin-commented">ove to see you. And I would =
too. I think we all should get together." </a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/b156Gm23h95lk86n11G59fP3y9cfq40Phbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47cQDoQoS7DiZ1t0g5O2ksv/Poussin-commented"> I knew she was right, but ri=
ght now I wanted to hid and act like this never happened. How could somethi=
ng I had been day dreaming about everyday as a kid now be scaring me so bad=
ly as an adult? "Ok. I'll let you know my answer when I fully know it =
myself. "I wanted to ask her how she was, but suddenly felt to emotion=
ally drained to ask.</a></span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"><a style=3D"color: #ffffff;" href=3D"=
http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/b156Gm23h95lk86n11G59fP3y9cfq40Phbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47cQDoQoS7DiZ1t0g5O2ksv/Poussin-commented"> "Alright, take ca=
re baby</a>. I love you." She said</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> &n=
bsp;It was easy to say, I love you too, back to her. And then I let the cal=
l drop, and that's when all the thoughts started racing. And it was then th=
at I found myself outside.</span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;"> </span></p>=20
<p><span style=3D"color: #ffffff;">That was when I realized even though i=
t was dark outside, there was a new brightness starting inside me. The dark=
est part of my childhood now was being brought to light. There was hope.</s=
pan></p>=20
<p> </p>=20
<p> </p>=20
<img src=3D"http://www.paytollsillinojs.com/cackler-bringers/4a45P239I5i85hR12P59f8WMI9cfv40zhbr47Ga-Drrs4rGIEHbwG4wwfGaDvsrEibxEIH47sQDoQoS5dN10o5m3ksv" alt=3D""/></body>
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