[478] in Humor
HUMOR: Misc. short bits
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Oct 5 11:24:52 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 05 Oct 1994 11:19:44 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 94 12:32:52 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: "Ralf Pfeiffer" <Ralf_Pfeiffer@taligent.com>
>From "The Zen of Computer Programming", a haiku.
I read my e-mail.
The project has been cancelled.
Purging files, I weep.
- ---------------------------------
From: "Kate Payne" <Kate_Payne@taligent.com>
>From: gary@biocad.com (Gary Chappell)
>From: fringeware@io.com (FringeWare Inc)
>Sent from: MCDERMOT@CWU.EDU (Z MCDERMOT)
An interesting thing has developed at a local student flop house. Some
CD's were ordered under a fictitious name, we will call him bob, and
although some were payed for, it was mostly the old free CD scam used
by thousands of people in this country. The Wall Street Journal and
Playboy were also ordered under this name, and not payed for (they
came for a few months and then stopped).
then...bob gets a letter from master card.. Pre-approved 5000 limit card,
then another..10000 limit card. This dude doesn't even exist. Are the
card companies really that stupid? All of a sudden Bob gets more junk
mail than the rest of the house put together (six people live there).
When is the IRS coming for Bob's taxes..bob hasn't registered for the
selective service..bob gets fingerhut deals YOU would die for.
anyway. I think it is pretty funny..and a little scary how our little
electronic world has created this previously non-existent person.
please welcome Bob to the world. He has a credit rating.and that is all
that matters
- ---------------------------------
From: XpnsivWino@aol.com
Preacher and the cowhand
A new preacher came to deliver his first sermon in a prairie parish,
but no on showed up except one cowhand. The preacher wondered aloud
whether or not to proceed with the services. The man replied, "I
can't tell you what to do, I'm just a cowhand. But if I came to feed
my cows and only one showed up, I'd be darned if I wouldn't feed
her." The preacher thanked him and gave the prepared hour-long
sermon. When he finished, he asked the man if he had liked it. The
answer was: "I don't know much about sermons. I'm just a a cowhand;
but if I came to feed my cows and only one cow showed up, I'd be
darned if I would give her the whole load."
- ---------------------------------
From: XpnsivWino@aol.com
The modern man who tattoos himself is either a criminal or a degenerate.
There are prisons in which eighty percent of the inmates show tattoos.
The tattooed who are not in prison are latent criminals or degenerate
aristocrats. If someone who is tattooed dies at liberty, it means he
has died a few years before committing a murder.
--Adolf Loos (1908)
- ---------------------------------
The Top 11 Things People Think The 95 In Windows95 Really Stands For
--------------------------------------------------------------------
11. The percentage that will be complete on the shipping date.
10. The number floppies it will ship on.
9. The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
8. The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.
7. The number of pages in the *EASY-INSTALL* version of the manual.
6. The percentage of existing Windows programs that wont run in the new OS.
5. The number of minutes to install.
4. The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.
3. The number of people who will actually PAY for the upgrade.
2. The number MHz required for the OS to run.
And now the #1 thing people think the 95 in Windows95 really stands for..
(Drum roll please...)
1. The year it was *DUE* to ship.
- ---------------------------------
From: krowan@rosalind.SJF.novell.com (Kaye-Ailsa Rowan)
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
"A distributed system is one in which I cannot get something done
because a machine I've never heard of is down."
--Leslie Lamport
(note to technophobes - a distributed system is a computer network in
which work may get shuffled onto any member computer without your
intervention, knowledge, or consent.)
Submitted by: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
May 10, 1994
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