[459] in Humor
HUMOR: Church Bulletin Misquotes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Sep 19 09:23:54 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 19 Sep 1994 09:18:28 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: 16 Sep 1994 16:37:19 +0500
From: "Sharalee Field" <sharalee@planning.mit.edu>
--------------------------------------
>Thought these church bulletin excerpts might appeal to all you good
>God-fearin' folk:
>
>1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends
>of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
>
>2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr. Johnson will
>sing "Put Me in My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.
>
>3. Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
>All ladies wishing to be little mothers please meet with the pastor in
>his study.
>
>4. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward
>and lay an egg at the alter.
>
>5. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the
>ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join
>in.
>
>6. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
>expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the
>new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.
>
>7. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
>they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
>
>8. A bean supper will be held on Saturday evening in the church
>basement. Music will follow.
>
>9. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
>David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
>
>10. Tonight's sermon: What is hell? Come early and listen to our
>choir practice.
>
>11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
>nursery downstairs.
>
>12. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
>
>13. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
>
>14. Don't let worry kill you off -- let the church help.
>
>
>
