[419] in Humor
HUMOR: The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Aug 19 09:40:40 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 19 Aug 1994 09:36:42 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Hmmm. A rash of French parodies.
From: pug@MIT.EDU
>>Date: Thu, 18 Aug 1994 14:28:58 -0700
>>From: somogyi@ziff.com (Stephan Somogyi)
>>Subject: The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook
>>
>>The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook
>>
>>
>>We have been lucky to discover several previously lost diaries of French
>>philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre stuck in between the cushions of our office
>>sofa. These diaries reveal a young Sartre obsessed not with the void, but
>>with food. Aparently Sartre, before discovering philosophy, had hoped to
>>write "a cookbook that will put to rest all notions of flavor forever."
>>The diaries are excerpted here for your perusal.
>>
>>
>>October 3
>>Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never actually
>>eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin
>>work. How excited I am! I have begun my formula for a Denver omelet.
>>
>>October 4
>>Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep
>>creating omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea,
>>but each one seems empty, hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet
>>that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste
>>like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back. Tried
>>eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested
>>paprika.
>>
>>October 6
>>I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is
>>bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of cigarette, some coffee, and
>>four tiny stones. I fed it to Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my
>>journey is still long.
>>
>>October 10
>>I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional
>>dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I
>>tried this recipe:
>>
>>Tuna Casserole
>>
>>Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
>>
>>Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and
>>sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do
>>not turn on the light.
>>
>>While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its
>>inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize
>>that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I am
>>becoming more and more frustated.
>>
>>October 25
>>I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire cookbook.
>>Rather, I now seek a single recipe which will, by itself, embody the plight
>>of man in a world ruled by an unfeeling God, as well as providing the eater
>>with at least one ingredient from each of the four basic food groups. To
>>this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of foodstuffs from the corner
>>grocery and locked myself in the kitchen, refusing to admit anyone. After
>>several weeks of work, I produced a recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup
>>of flour, four tons of beef, and a leek. While this is a start, I am
>>afraid I still have much work ahead.
>>
>>November 15
>>Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a live
>>beaver, challenging the very definition of the word cake. I was very
>>pleased. Malraux said he admired it greatly, but could not stay for
>>dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound achievement yet,
>>and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
>>
>>November 30
>>Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had hoped.
>>During the judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty Crocker on the
>>wrist. The beaver's powerful jaws are capable of felling blue spruce in
>>less than ten minutes and proved, needless to say, more than a match for
>>the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I only got third place.
>>Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty lawsuit.
>>
>>December 1
>>I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am now
>>experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and ultimate
>>solitude are still as authentic as they were when I was thin, but seem to
>>impress girls far less. From now on, I will live on cigarettes and black
>>coffee.
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>....................................................................
>jc@apple.com
>
>"By dint of railing at idiots you run the risk
> of becoming idiotic yourself." --Gustave Flaubert
>
