[416] in Humor
HUMOR: Why God Never Received Tenure
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Aug 18 17:05:00 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 18 Aug 1994 16:59:22 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
A classic.
Date: Thu, 18 Aug 1994 13:06:37 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
From: Cary Knott <ck@sei.cmu.edu>
WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED TENURE AT ANY UNIVERSITY
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world,
but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time
replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board
for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up
by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted,
he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students
to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements,
most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually
held on a mountaintop.
