[215] in Humor
HUMOR: Heaven and Hell
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Apr 18 15:40:10 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 18 Apr 94 15:36:58 EDT
Date: Mon, 18 Apr 94 08:13:09 PDT
From: ckleinja@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
...
From: kalsow@src.dec.com
SUBJECT: Going to Hell...
A software engineer met his fate and found himself at the
Pearly Gates. The Gatekeeper greeted him and tallied the
score. "Your record is pretty good, Mr. Programmer. Your
sins and your good deeds just about balance out. Tell you
what - you may have your own choice of either Heaven or
Hell."
The engineer, weary of design tradeoffs and wary of
uninformed decisions, asked for more details. "Sure,"
replied the Gatekeeper. "Here is the elevator. You can
ride up and see Heaven and down to see Hell. Take your time
and make your own choice. But choose wisely, there is no
turning back!"
So the engineer rode the elevator up and took a look at
Heaven. He saw the angels playing on their harps and the
beatific look on the faces of the faithful, blissfully
flitting back and forth among the clouds. "Well, that looks
about like what I expected," he said to himself. "Let's go
take a look at the alternative."
So he rode down the elevator to the floor labeled "HELL" and
looked around there. To his delight he found sandy beaches,
beautiful women and men, snow-capped mountains in the
background, and parties going on all over. Returning to the
Gates, he had no problem informing the Gatekeeper of his
decision.
"Heaven looks fine, but pretty boring to me. Hell is what I
have always dreamed of! Let me in." The Gatekeeper handed
him an entry pass and the engineer went back down the
elevator to take his place in Hell.
But to his surprise, the sun had gone out, the snow had
melted and the parties were over. There was fire and
brimstone, snakepits swarming with vipers, fiends torturing
sinners, and devils tormenting babies. "Wait!" he cried as
two monsters hauled him off to the chambers of eternal
agony. "What happened to the beach parties, fun and
sunshine I saw before?" "Oh," replied the Devil. "That was
just the demo."
