[10] in Humor
HUMOR: congressional hearings
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Sat Jan 15 10:20:09 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sat, 15 Jan 94 10:18:18 EST
This may be a repeat, but what the hey...
-Drew
------- Forwarded Message
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 1994 02:47:33 -0700
From: Espacionaute Spiff domaine! <matossian@aries.colorado.edu>
Imagine what it would be like if George Washington had to go
through a Congressional Confirmation Hearing... We join our
correspondent at Independence Hall in Philadelphia for hearings
already in progress....
Congressman: General Washington, you are here today so we can
determine if you are in fact fit to lead this great nation.
Washington: Yes, sir, I realize that.
Congressman: Then lets get underway here. First of all, do you
still have any ties to the millitary of this country?
Washington: No, sir.
Congressman: Do you have a silver tea set General Washington?
Washington: Yes, I do.
Congressman: A tea set given to you by a Mr. Paul Revere of Boston,
one of your scouts during the Revolution, I believe?
Washington: Yes, sir, it was given to me on the aniversary of the
Battle of Lexington and Concord. That was quite a fight, we sure
had them on the run...
Congressman: I'm sure you did. But you admit to taking bribes from
former military personnel?
Washington: I would hardly call it a bribe, Mr. Revere and I are old
friends...
Congressman: And then there's the question of your loose moral standards sir.
Washington: I beg your pardon? I have been faithfully married to my
wife Martha for many years now.
Congressman: Oh, come now General. All the way from here to
Massachusetts there are signs at almost every inn and a good many
private homes saying "George Washington slept here" Are we really
supposed to believe that you travelled that much?
Washington: Well, sir, a general has to travel quite a bit when
fighting a war you know...
Congressman: An educated General, perhaps. But you sir never
attended an institution of higher learning at all, did you?
Washington: No, sir, it simply wasn't necessary in my job as a surveyor.
Congressman: But you think it is adequate for a job such as this?
Washington: Yes sir, I do. I believe I have learned a lot about
leadership in the course of my military career.
Congressman: Which started out with you serving our enemies the British?
Washington: Yes, sir, it did.
Congressman: Enough of this. This man is simply completely
unqualified. Please bring in that Arnold fellow. What's his name,
Benedict Arnold? Yes, now that has a ring of authority to it...
Just think what a great country this would have been...
------- End of Forwarded Message
